Quote# 85468

HILDALE, Washington County — As the year comes to an end and the followers of Warren Jeffs await the apocalypse he has predicted, they're living under a challenging edict: they're forbidden to have sex until Jeffs is sprung from a Texas prison.

"He has predicted that the walls in the prison where he's at will fall and crumble," said Joni Holm, who has many relatives in the polygamous FLDS faith.

According to Holm, Fundamentalist LDS Church members also face their faith's most severe punishment, excommunication, if they conceive a child.

It's one of the strangest edicts in a season full of them. Jeffs has issued a stream of revelations, prophecies and orders to his congregation in the border community of Hildale, Utah, and Colorado City, Ariz.

The recent edicts from Jeffs' prison cell seem to be having two contradictory effects. Many are leaving the FLDS faith in disgust. Those who stay are reported to be increasingly devoted to a man who is serving a lifetime sentence for raping underage girls.

According to numerous critics and outside observers, the imprisoned FLDS leader has sometimes acted through his brother Lyle and other times has spoken directly to his congregation over the phone from prison. He recently banned many of the things his followers enjoy: bicycles, ATVs, trampolines, even children's toys. But the sex edict reaches into the bedrooms of all his devoted followers.

According to Holm, Jeffs declared all existing marriages to be void.

"Right now they have all been told that they are not to live as husband and wife," Holm said. "They can live in the same house, but they are not to have sexual relationships until Warren comes out and 'reseals' them."

Warren Jeffs, Deseret News 67 Comments [1/9/2012 4:01:24 AM]
Fundie Index: 85
Submitted By: Stormwarden

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LMAO Yea thats going to kept people coming to his church.

1/9/2012 7:32:06 PM


There are those who think freely;
There are those who are more easily swayed;
There are 'sheeple';
And then there are Warren Jeffs followers.

1/9/2012 8:08:01 PM


My guess is that Warren is having some sex...

1/9/2012 8:45:19 PM

Raised by Horses

Warren, I've got one word for you: Lysistrata.

EDIT: Wait, is this the same guy who masturbated so much that he fell into a coma?

1/10/2012 2:08:48 AM


This is nice. At least they won't more kids to corrupt this way...

1/10/2012 9:30:13 AM


Reseals? He's going to make the girls airtight?

1/10/2012 12:04:30 PM

Yes sir, this is why Jesus died on the cross, for followers like Warren Jeffs. They bring such glory to the lord. Amen.


1/10/2012 12:50:08 PM


So he isn't getting any, therefore no one else should?

1/11/2012 12:51:19 PM


I'd have left after the trampoline ban. Freak!

1/11/2012 2:30:06 PM

And they are polygamists? Ha ha ha, pussy, pussy, everywhere, and not a hole to fuck. :P

1/11/2012 5:04:59 PM


I can predict when Armageddon happens. My prediction? Never.

1/11/2012 5:40:38 PM


"He has predicted that the walls in the prison where he's at will fall and crumble,"

And they will......eventually. Will it happen during the time period he is incarcerated? Not likely.

1/12/2012 7:35:22 AM


This isn't fundy, this is the last desperatge grasping at authority by a man that is realising he's lost and doesn't want to accept it.

1/12/2012 9:22:40 AM



"However, the "most severe punishment" they all have is excommunication, i.e. kicking you out. What am I missing?"

The Catholic Church is, if not the point that's currently at the same altitude as the International Space Station, then one simple fact: less bums on pews/collections/respect by it's followers & worldwide as a whole, due to the paedophile priests scandal.

In Soviet Russia, people excommunicate you.

At least Catholics (especially the lapsed ones as a result of the above) are not so deluded as to allow it's clergy to control them. The term 'Voting with your feet'. It exists for a reason, Warren. I hear numbers have dropped sharply at Harold Camping's own congregation, post-October 21st 2011. His Family Radio organisation has had to drop a substantial amount of it's broadcasting, mainly due to transmitter providers not receiving payments (ex-Campers have said FR is in debt up to it's eyeballs, natch). I wonder why...?!


"Every time I hear this story, I can't help but think that Jeffs is indirectly trying to convince his followers to spring him from prison. I also can't see any scenario in which that sort of thing would end well, but, you know, delusional cult leader and all that."

Four words: David Koresh, Shoko Asahara. And fundies wonder why we're Atheists?!

Yep. We individuals who think for ourselves, and - within the Rule of Law - allow only one person to tell us what to do: ourselves, are such a threat to civilisation aren't we eh, fundies?! [/hyper-sarcasm]

The fact that the Church of $cientology isn't legally recognised as a religion here in the UK (thus the Orgs here have to pay tax on their income); more so in Germany. In Russia, $cientology is anathema to the state there. You do the maths, fundies.

1/12/2012 9:54:30 AM


This from the same man who banned the color red. Somehow I'm not surprised.

1/13/2012 7:52:39 PM

For a polygamous guy, this sounds weird, to say the least.

1/14/2012 8:17:31 AM


Also the color blue, root vegetables, and people under three feet tall.

Edit: Wait, he actually already did abominate a color? Wowza. And I was just making a Discworld joke about dead gods.

1/27/2012 1:50:54 AM

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