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Quote# 8692

[Elijah's transcription of his conversation with his psychologist]

PSYCHOLOGIST: Welcome to my office, Elijah. Would you care to relax on the sofa -- or sit in the chair?

ELIJAH: Greetings, master of nonsensical hyperbole. I think I will just stand over here next to the window in case I get the urge to jump.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Suit yourself. I only want you to feel good about yourself.

ELIJAH: Why are you are wearing that silly scarf around your neck?

PSYCHOLOGIST: This scarf keeps me warm. I have a slight cold.

ELIJAH: Why don't you just turn up the heat?

PSYCHOLOGIST: I try to conserve energy. Waste not, want not.

ELIJAH: To each his own. But why do you wear a silly scarf with all of those weird colored green dots with yellow stripes?

PSYCHOLOGIST: I'm sentimental. It was a gift.

ELIJAH: From a patient?

PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes. It was handmade just for me.

ELIJAH: Does your patient have psychological problems?

PSYCHOLOGIST: Of course. All of my patients have psychological problems. Isn’t that why you are here?

ELIJAH: No, Ma'am. My reason for coming was to see if you could explain why AOL members have so much trouble understanding a prophet of God.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you a prophet of God?

ELIJAH: Well, that’s how I try to identify myself for idiots who think I'm crazy.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Why?

ELIJAH: Why not? If I told idiots that I am the incarnated biblical Elijah who was sent by God to test the faith of the world -- and that I was trying to unite families before Jesus comes to catch away loyal souls, they wouldn’t understand. Idiots think stupidity is sacred. Idiots do not hesitate to call me insane -- because I do not fit into their limited view of reality.

PSYCHOLOGIST: How does that make you feel?

ELIJAH: Disappointed in people -- and frustrated.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Do you think you are insane?

ELIJAH: Actually, the word “insane” needs to be defined from my perspective before I can appease antagonists by answering. To me, to be “insane” is to be abnormal. In this world, being “abnormal” is “normal” for most people -- and so, obviously, I think that most people are "insane" -- even though they accept themselves as “sane.” Certain forms of “insanity” can result from chemical imbalances within the biological system -- which does not allow for healthy bodily functions in thought or movement. Also, “insanity” can be the result of demonic influences -- which causes inner conflicts between a soul and body. Bad “ideas” can distort reality and cause people to do irrational, "abnormal" things. In spite of your psychological terms -- which seem so scientific, at the very core of all people is a “soul” -- dominated by either good or bad spirits. The brain is only a conduit through which spiritual forces from a soul can be manifested in this materialistic dimension of Life. Each person, therefore, is subservient to either God or Satan. In my case, I am subservient to God -- and this makes my thoughts and behavior very “abnormal” in a world where many people are subservient to Satan. So, when I am speaking Truth in this place where deception is dominant, it seems like “insanity” to those who do not understand true reality.

PSYCHOLOGIST: So, you admit to being insane?

ELIJAH: Of course! But I am insane only on Planet Earth. Even though I have freedom of choice, I will not choose your "normal” way of thinking just to conform myself to evil idiots.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Do you think I am an idiot?

ELIJAH: What do you think?

PSYCHOLOGIST: I think I am intelligent.

ELIJAH: What “normal” earthly thought process allowed you to reach that conclusion?

Elijah, Music City Revival 40 Comments [12/18/2005 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
WTF?! || meh
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TastyHamSandwich

Why does he remind me of Kevin from Sin City? Who happens to be played by Elijah Wood? (It's Wood isn't it? Frodo?)

12/18/2005 8:09:00 PM

CousinTed

I feel sorry for that psychologist.

\"Hello Mr. Elijah\"
\"Nice scarf fuckface!\"

12/18/2005 8:31:51 PM

AWP

Elijah must be a parody. We can only hope.

12/18/2005 9:16:05 PM

The Last Conformist

\"I feel sorry for that psychologist.\"

I can only echo this sentiment.

12/18/2005 9:49:12 PM

Darth Wang

I wonder why the psychologist didn't have this guy locked away after the first few minutes.

12/18/2005 10:30:00 PM

TDR

that's so funny. This guy's joking. I'm sure of it.

12/18/2005 11:35:19 PM

ryan

The psychologist doesn't exist. This is Elijah's hypothetical explanation for why he doesn't need psychological help.

This guy believe it or not was an indy candidate for governor of Tennessee back in the day.

12/18/2005 11:35:33 PM

ryan

AWP, TDR , check out http://www.tennesseeelijah.com/

or www.musiccityrevival.com

I found those sights to be very convinving that this guy is legitimate. I don't think this guy is crazy in the ha this guy's crazy since we normally see at FTSTD. I think he is quite likely sufferering from real mental ilness. As opposed to brainwashing and an inability to think independently.

12/18/2005 11:40:30 PM

Phil

JIGROP has to be the worst slogan ever.

12/19/2005 12:12:49 AM

Dragon

It may be based on an actual event... But it's clearly at least a bit exaggerated. The \"ELIJAH: Greetings, master of nonsensical hyperbole. I think I will just stand over here next to the window in case I get the urge to jump.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Suit yourself. I only want you to feel good about yourself. \"
part is unrealistic. I can't imagine any trained professional brushing over a \"in case I decide to jump\" comment so nonchalantly. And I doubt he'd blatantly ask \"do you think I'm an idiot\" only to follow it up with \"I think I'm intelligent.\"

But, either way, it's truly amusing.

12/19/2005 12:41:59 AM

ryan

Dragon, Its real in that Elijah actually posted this to try to explain that he wasn't crazy. Its not real in the sense that he has never actually visited a psychiatrist.

By this is my favorite part
PSYCHOLOGIST: So, you admit to being insane?

ELIJAH: Of course! But I am insane only on Planet Earth. Even though I have freedom of choice, I will not choose your \"normal” way of thinking just to conform myself to evil idiots.

12/19/2005 1:06:49 AM

xMinionX

Maybe Elijah doesn't need psychological help, but he needs a good sock in the mouth for being such a condescending prick. Geez...

12/19/2005 3:30:56 AM

Tenka

I thought Elijah was just an arsehole but it appears he might really have severe mental problems.
I'm not sure it's appropriate to quote him anymore if that is true.

12/19/2005 4:34:06 AM

Ricky

\"I thought Elijah was just an arsehole but it appears he might really have severe mental problems.
I'm not sure it's appropriate to quote him anymore if that is true.\"

You mean as opposed to the rest of the people quoted here?

12/19/2005 4:59:45 AM

Coffee

I hope Gawd made Elijah rich, because he's going to spend a fortune on therapy.

12/19/2005 1:45:01 PM

David D.G.

I think that Elijah seems too articulate and too close to self-parody to be anything but a troll, even if he is utterly consistent about it. But that doesn't necessarily rule out his being crazy. Anyone with such a need for attention that he would go to such lengths for getting it (and probably mostly negative attention at that) definitely has problems; they're just not necessarily the kind of problems he outwardly portrays.


~David D.G.

12/19/2005 5:23:25 PM

CousinTed

I still think that the bast part of all this (Whether it be hypotheical or based on true events) is that one of the first things Elijah does upon entering the psychologist's office is insult her scarf. Actually if this was just a hypothetical situation devised by Elijah, the bit about the scarf becomes even more perplexing.

12/19/2005 11:32:17 PM

ez-c

I think it's funny that he assumes a psycologist would know what goes on in the minds of all AOL members. Is using AOL somehow a mental disease now? Maybe he should have switched to NetZero. It's half the price of AOL!

I give AOL members a lot of credit for not listening to him.

12/20/2005 6:27:23 PM

Joe

This deserves an award. I don't know which award - but it definately deserves one!

12/20/2005 7:32:28 PM

Crosis

This guy needs professional help. Seriously.

12/20/2005 10:18:44 PM

shaker

I think this guy might be suffering from schizophrenia. Schizophrenics have illusions of grandeur. I once knew a schizophrenic who thought he used to date royalty and would make up stories about it (and that was while he was on his meds). Elijah needs serious psychiatric help.

4/10/2006 1:05:39 PM

Rambler

Elijah never gives up, everytime he gets banned from a forum he goes to another.

10/15/2007 8:19:02 PM

Anon

PSYCHOLOGIST: Welcome to my office, Elijah. Would you care to relax on the sofa -- or sit in the chair?

ELIJAH: Greetings, master of nonsensical hyperbole...



Nice to see Elijah went in there with an open mind...

10/15/2007 9:03:54 PM

GigaGuess

I dunno if he needs psychiatric help, or a good hard slap, but the former seems to be accomplishing nothing, so...

10/15/2007 10:10:45 PM

HypnoToad

I love the fact that even from Eligah's persepctive, the psychologist comes off as a decent guy.

10/15/2007 10:52:44 PM
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