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Quote# 87468

I've heard one to the effect that the earth is going to suddenly emit some massive electrical type of energy that will immediately disintigrate anyone who's molecules are particularly sensitive to the electrical field. For some reason, this will include only Christians and children.

I've also heard that the earth itself is going to become so disgusted with Christians, that it will generate, on it's own, an anti-gravity field that will cause all Christians to be sent into outerspace, to our doom.

My own personal opinion is that scientists will turn on the Hadron Collider at the same moment as the rapture, allowing 'scientists', politicians and Jesse and Al to blame the Hadron Collider for the sudden disappearance of millions of people. No one knows what will happen when it's turned on and it's just a thought that's gone through my mind for a while.

Lord willing, we'll hang around in the air for a few minutes so people can look up and see that we're with our Lord, without fear and rejoicing in His presence. That way some will accept the obvious, that it's the real rapture prophecied of by Paul in the first century Anno Domini. The majority would no doubt refuse to believe the evidence of their eyes.


Verisimilitude, Rapture Ready 84 Comments [5/21/2012 8:23:01 AM]
Fundie Index: 136
Submitted By: Amber
WTF?! || meh
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breakerslion

The title of the thread on RR is "False Rapture Lies" folks. Basically, this cute little fluff head is repeating things that were, I suspect, said with the deepest sarcasm.

I'm not sure how this person expects the Hadron Collider to be blamed for such a selective act. Nature abhors a cerebral vacuum?

I'm just glad that I am not so afraid of death that I have allowed myself to be driven delusionally crazy like this specimen. Everyone knows that the respective governments of the world will call upon their armed forces to lasso those Christians because they aren't going to avoid paying taxes that easily!

5/21/2012 12:07:24 PM

Old Viking

Completely divorced from reality.

5/21/2012 12:10:28 PM

John

The "real rapture" prophesied by Paul was supposed to happen during the lives of his followers. So it either happened already (and there were too few Christians for anyone to notice) or Paul and that lunatic who wrote the unintelligible ramblings called "Revelation" were full of crap. Take your pick.

5/21/2012 12:12:58 PM

ShadowNet

One, the Hadron Collider has been active for a few years now.

Two, if they actually read the bible they would realize that the "Rapture" is no where to be found in Revelations.

5/21/2012 12:19:14 PM

Brendan Rizzo

@ John_in_Oz:

Why didn't I think of that?!

5/21/2012 12:25:36 PM

Burning Stake

My own personal opinion is that scientists will turn on the Hadron Collider at the same moment as the rapture, allowing 'scientists', politicians and Jesse and Al to blame the Hadron Collider for the sudden disappearance of millions of people.

Wait, so they know that they are in league with the Antichrist and will be defeated, and they would still do this? What?

Also, while that electrical energy disintegration weapon sounds cool, Thor and The Avengers are just movies.

...Well, at least as far as we know. : D

5/21/2012 12:27:54 PM



millions???? i thought there was only mean to be 144,000 of you fuckers????

5/21/2012 12:44:03 PM

Xotan

Does not compute. If you are disintegrated, how can anyone possibly see you with or without your lord?

"No one knows what will happen when it's turned on and it's just a thought that's gone through my mind for a while."

You have a mind?


5/21/2012 12:46:11 PM

Papabear

Well, it seems really unlikely, but if we could get it to disintegrate only religious nutjobs I think I could support it. That anti-gravity thing sounds pretty good, too. With the Lord or without the Lord, it'd be a relief to be rid of your lot.

5/21/2012 1:05:37 PM

Filin De Blanc

"Wait, so they know that they are in league with the Antichrist and will be defeated, and they would still do this? What?"

Yeah, this makes no sense. Presumably Satan would know that he loses in the end, so...why try? Just spend time flirting with the succubi; that's what I'd do.

5/21/2012 1:13:28 PM

WWWWolf

> the earth is going to suddenly emit some massive electrical type of energy that will immediately disintigrate anyone who's molecules are particularly sensitive to the electrical field.

...and this is different from death... how?

I thought the idea of the Rapture was that people weren't supposed to be afraid of death, life after death, or the destruction of Earth.

And now you're just threatening Christians with mysterious electromagnetic thingamabubblery.

Good going.

> scientists will turn on the Hadron Collider at the same moment as the rapture

Already did! We're still here! You friends with Harold Camping or something?

5/21/2012 1:33:46 PM

Karana

GAH! Eletricity doesn't work that way! STOP anthropomorphizing a fucking planet! Gravity doesn't work that way! The Hadron Collider has already been working for years!
*faints from the the stupidity of it all*

5/21/2012 1:35:12 PM

JohnTheAtheist

I am always amazed that the human mind can simlutaneously grasp the Large Hadron Collider and await with anticipation the rapture.

5/21/2012 1:42:10 PM

TheJebusFire

So you beieve everything you hear?

5/21/2012 2:10:48 PM

anevilmeme

Does anyone have any idea what Verisimilitude is attempting to communicate?

5/21/2012 2:20:07 PM

Rabbit of Caerbannog

[size=10]What?[/size] What? [size=20]What?[/size] [size=30]What?![/size][size=40]What is this I don't even?![/size]


5/21/2012 3:02:03 PM

Celianna

Anti-Christian forcefield!

5/21/2012 3:07:03 PM



Oh, really? I'd imagine it would go something like this:

Rapturite: GOD HATES FAG- We must go now. Our God needs us.
[shoots up to the skies with a whoosh, but stops at a great height]

God: Oops. Sorry about that. That date was too early for me, so I had to cancel. Come back soon!

Rapturite: [plummeting through the troposphere] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

5/21/2012 3:17:56 PM

Big Jilm

Fun fact for you Talibanner: Paul said a bunch of funky shit about forty-five minutes after the mushroom patch.

5/21/2012 3:55:08 PM

SpukiKitty

Actually I WISH the Hadron Colider would launch you Fundie bozos into deep space! Good riddance. You're a load to humanity & an embarasment to Jesus of Nazareth!

That said....THIS IS THE STUPIDEST, MOST INSANE BIT OF WHAKADOODLE I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!



...Thank you.

5/21/2012 4:20:16 PM

His4Life

The Hadron Collider is a potential deception in my opinion, but the rapture is not a biblical concept. It didn't even exist as a belief in the church until the late 19th century and its origins are very sketchy. It was originated by a woman named Margaret McDonald, who was a false prophetess similar to Joseph Smith and passed from her to a guy named John Nelson Darby, who mainstreamed the idea and passed it off to the evangelical church. Scripture is very clear that the church will be on earth and go through the tribulation - think of all of the many references to "blessed are they who overcome" the tribulation era.

---
Dorie R. Bentjen, Deaconess and Minister
Certificate of Prophetic Ministry, 2003
Degree of Ordination in Lay Ministry, 2012
"Jesus is Love!"

5/21/2012 5:35:20 PM

Arctic Knight

"No one knows what will happen when it's [the Large Hadron Collider] turned on and it's just a thought that's gone through my mind for a while."

This guy made this post on may 15, 2012 and is apparently ignorant of the fact that the LHC was first turned on in 2008 and that several successful collisions have taken place since then.

5/21/2012 5:45:10 PM

Thinking Allowed

You know, I'm one of those people that can be sensitive to electrical fields (I get dizzying migraines). Bad thing is, I'm not a christian. Guess that blows the whole theory out of the water.

5/21/2012 6:26:16 PM

sif

"The majority would no doubt refuse to believe the evidence of their eyes.".. wrong.. unlike you, If the evidence were set plainly in front of us (ie. if you happened to start floating up to heaven) I, as well as plenty of others, would be more than happy to adjust our world view to fit the new evidence presented. The likelihood of this event occurring, however.. that's what's in question :P

5/21/2012 6:29:22 PM

SilverStar

"I've also heard that the earth itself is going to become so disgusted with Christians, that it will generate, on it's own, an anti-gravity field that will cause all Christians to be sent into outerspace, to our doom."

Please, even if nothing else, take that as a suggestion that your worldview is so utterly fucked up. If the PLANET itself spontaneously generates a repulsion field to push a specific, diverse society of a single type of creature off its surface and into orbit, then it just might be that EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW IS SO HORRIBLY WRONG! And even you think so!

5/21/2012 7:48:47 PM
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