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Quote# 87840

A Canadian farmer has lost at least 250 cows in the past 10 years. While the government has charged him and says he failed to feed them, the farmer claims the alien defense.

Werner Bock has posted plenty of YouTube videos in recent years detailing his cattle's malnourished appearance, sunken features and hair loss. He declares that his cows were the victims of "death rays," some form of alien weapon that's been covered up by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

"At least 250 head of cattle have died from what we call a death beam," Bock said on camera in May of last year. "Where the atmospheric air is manipulated into a death beam, focused on the noses of the animals."

The animals breath in the death beam and slowly die, the eastern New Brunswick farmer claims.

Werner Bock, Huffington Post 26 Comments [6/19/2012 4:29:50 AM]
Fundie Index: 31
Submitted By: Rabbit of Caerbannog
WTF?! || meh
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Reynardine

Of course, the most obvious solution is that they were malnourished, but there are any number of viral, prionic, and parasitic diseases that could cause that kind of wasting. I trust there have been proper necropsies, and I hope there was a tox screen.

Beef. It's what's for dinner.

6/19/2012 4:54:08 AM

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

You mean we're supposed to feed the cattle?

6/19/2012 5:18:31 AM

Veras_the_Brujah

@Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

No, cows are like children--resourceful. They'll figure it out on their own.

6/19/2012 6:04:04 AM

Mad_Jester

Oh, no wonder the cattle are dying. He didn't have enough tinfoil to make hats for all of them.

6/19/2012 6:09:45 AM

Doubting Thomas

OK, so maybe he shouldn't get jail time, but a few years in a padded cell would work.

6/19/2012 6:38:43 AM

Brendan Rizzo

Worst alibi ever.

6/19/2012 7:12:57 AM

Stonespiral

This is exactly why I try not to buy meat from farmers I can't go and see personally. You never know what some crackpot is throwing into the pile.

6/19/2012 8:07:38 AM

Filin De Blanc

"Where the atmospheric air is manipulated into a death beam, focused on the noses of the animals."

I hate it when that happens.

6/19/2012 12:49:42 PM

Let's agree that you're wrong

Because that is how beams work.

6/19/2012 12:51:38 PM

Raised by Horses

A few days later, Mr. Bock caved in and confessed: "Okay, you got me. I'm just addicted to cow-tipping."

6/19/2012 5:46:36 PM

Percy Q. Shunn

I think my brain just broke...

6/19/2012 8:48:04 PM

Argle Bargle

"No, sir, it wasn't me being an irresponsible and all around shitty farmer, it was aliens! The History channel guy was right!"

6/20/2012 3:50:56 AM

Rabbit of Caerbannog


6/20/2012 2:09:57 PM

Pist

He's going to be pissed when he realizes aliens only use non-atmospheric air in low-powered Death Beams like this that don't kill instantly.

6/20/2012 3:22:21 PM

werewolf

Did President Obama lend the death ray that killed A. Breitbart to the RCMP? To kill a few cows?

Mr. Bock must believe that cows thrive on neglect.

6/21/2012 9:42:17 AM

Papabear

Aliens advanced enough to get here and have a "death beam," have nothing better to do than suffocate cattle?

6/22/2012 4:37:11 PM

Leighton Buzzard

Are we sure this isn't A Far Side cartoon?

6/23/2012 6:56:15 AM

Werner Bock

Hey Wiskey Tango Foxtrott, tell some of your armee buddys, that sooner or later they get their asses burned, so will some of the smartass wannabe soldiers with their little toys and no brains, and all the other creeps in the neighbourhood, who think it is funny, killing and maiming peacefull animals. For the rest of you, who are ignorant, just google Werner Bock, "Farmers Ordeal", 75 min documentary with real science, no UFOs no Aliens, comes from out to lunch mounties and reporters.
Werner Bock 506 756 8687

6/25/2012 1:21:22 AM

Agahnim

Uh, no, cattle die from being malnourished. Also, I think I can see some males in a herd of cow over there... the stuff coming from their rear ends looks a lot like what you said!

6/28/2012 7:19:36 PM

Darwin

On behalf of Canada, I apologise.

6/30/2012 7:36:17 PM

maryann4peace@gmail.com

Want to know the facts and not the spinn that comes from Idiots, Media Whores, Rotten Canadian Mounted Police and Yellow bellied Bureaucrats, Politicians and Lying Veterinarians, watch all four parts of "Farmers Ordeal". Hope only, that your medicated and flouredited brains have the capability, to comprehend the information. Just google: Maritime Troubles 50 megs. You will find all four parts of the documentary there, and all over the net. Better wake up. The criminals didnt just only kill animals over the last decades, but they have harmed and killed many people too, they are hiding out in your community, and create lots of customers for the biggest industry in the country, the "Health Care Industry."
If You have any questions, feel free to contact me at 506 756 8687.
Werner Bock

7/11/2012 9:17:23 PM



Wait, wait, wait... The animals BREATH the death ray and die? What?
also, either exist and have found a way to get to us, and have a strange obsession with killing cows, or... One idiot isn't good at feeding them.

10/22/2012 6:37:03 PM

Rabbit of Caerbannog

@maryann4peace@gmail.com/Werner Brock

It's funny because the typical conspiracy nut response to everything seems to be telling everyone else to "wake up" and Google some obscure documentary (or to visit Alex Jones' web sites). Seriously though, what are you trying to say? That veterinarians are in on the alien plot to kill your cattle? Why haven't the men in black helicopters abducted you for "speaking the truth" if you're really blowing the lid off their conspiracy? Why don't aliens have anything better to do than to sabatoge some redneck's cows? According to Occam's Razor--wherein the simplest explanation offered is the correct one--the most likely scenario is that you are terrible at what you do, starved your cows, and are either so loony that you believe aliens did it or are simply deliberately telling a lie to cover your ass.

If you have any questions contact me at youshouldbeinapaddedcell4life@gmail.com.

11/3/2012 7:27:46 AM

anti-nonsense

Most creative excuse for massive animal neglect on record.

3/24/2013 1:06:13 AM

Mix Master Mikaeus

You know, if I was an alien (which I am most definitely not), I think I'd have better things to do than kill Earth cattle. Like fight with other alien empires for hegemony over a few light-years' worth of galaxy, or discover how to harness the power of a black hole.

Or watch stolen Earth cable.

3/24/2013 2:28:52 AM
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