Ohio's Jim Flechtner is demanding that the Aesculus glabra, better known as the Ohio Buckeye be revoked of state tree status because it bears male, female and bisexual flowers on the same tree.
“The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, "buckeyes." But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!
I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term "buckeye" as a nickname for residents of Ohio.”
71 comments
This can't be real.
It can't be.
Please...
Your own sexuality is threatened by a tree? Seriously, are you twelve?
A bisexual is a person who is attracted to both genders and sometimes has sex with one or both. Last time I checked, threes don't usually go to bed with each other. A tree is, well.. a tree. In this case one that bears flowers of each sex (like most trees). It is actually fairly uncommon for trees to bear only flowers of one sex.
You are an idiot.
This guy can't stand a queer little horse chestnut, and yet he doubtless has eaten table fruits* and dessert fruits both, which come from bisexual flowers.
*Such as eggplants, tomatoes, peppers, pumpkins, squash, cucumbers, okra...
Oh, and let's not forget. No matter what kind of grain it's made out of, his bread is queer.
When your homophobic delusions get so bad that even plants are pushing a sinister queer agenda in your paranoid little mind, it's time to seek professional help.
ETA: Good to know this is a Poe. Also sorta sad to know that real homophobic fuckwits are so ridiculous that this seems like something they'd actually say in earnest, but such is the joy of Poe's law.
Whether it's a Poe or not, I always said John Otway & Wild Willy Barrett were right.
"Beware of the flowers 'cause I'm sure they're gonna get you... Yeah"
So... he was OK with it until he found out that buckeyes have bisexual flowers?
Aren't most flowers bisexual anyway? They have the male part, the stamen which holds the pollen, and the pistil which receives the pollen.
OK, so this is a poe, but I wouldn't put it past fundies to get their panties in a wad about this, since anti-gay sentiment is at a fever pitch with them these days.
PLEASE be a Poe. No one in a civilized country could possibly be so ignorant. I don't want to see any more proof of the absolute failure of America's schools.
Does anyone wanna bet that the Ohio state assembly will do what he asks?
This can't be real. Most plants have organs for both producing pollen and receiving it. Also, "male, female, and bisexual"? As if bisexuality is a third sex?
Mountain....meet molehill. Not go make something of it.
I hope no-one ever introduces the fundies to the Split Gill Fungus Schizophyllum commune . It has over 28,000 sexes.
And it sounds as though it might be a Commie too...
Oh, for crying out loud, I said bacon and eggs! I didn't ask for this bullshit! Everyone should at least have basic knowledge of how plants reproduce. Granted it is a joke, but I am thoroughly disturbed at the thought that some people would take it seriously and support this action. Then again, it could work in our favor.
Now that I think about it, cucurbits have separate male and female flowers, but they grow on the same plant, so this guy is just going to have to live on pecans and papayas.
So if a tree is doing it, then you must surely agree that homosexuality and bisexuality are completely natural, right? RIGHT?
Unless you're suggesting that trees do things that aren't natural.
Fucking batshit crazy. That is pure, unadulterated insanity, right there. This is so beyond the scope of refutation our only response can be mockery.
Ha. Ha ha. You're a fucking moron.
Brian:...consider the lilies
Arthur: He's having a go at the flowers now!
(Monty Python's 'Life of Brian)
Um...all trees are hermaphroditic in that they have both male and female reproductive parts. Any flower or tree that you have for your state will be hermaphroditic.That's nature. Get used to it bigot.
Anyway...please let this be a Poe.
It has long been thought that Jesus was a homosexual. It is also thought that Jesus never even tried a woman. Obvious pooftah.
If Jesus was alive he would feel at home in Ohio. In fact, He would probably refer to Himself as "Jesus Buckeye"
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I got nothing.
Man.
And it seems to me that eagles aren't a fitting symbol for the US, either... Why, they are NAKED IN PUBLIC!
God's entirely nonsentient creation is flaunting his commands! Clearly this wholly unthinking life form that he created to be this way is an abomination in his sight.
Good to know that even you idiots think your god is (ironically enough) little more than a rudimentarily intelligent monkey.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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