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Quote# 89323

People who are in the path of tropical storm Issac should protect their loved ones, their animals and their property by rebuking the storm. See the example from Luke 8:22-25. It is also in Matthew and Mark.

22 Now it came to pass on a certain day, that he went into a ship with his disciples: and he said unto them, Let us go over unto the other side of the lake. And they launched forth.
23 But as they sailed he fell asleep: and there came down a storm of wind on the lake; and they were filled with water, and were in jeopardy.
24 And they came to him, and awoke him, saying, Master, master, we perish. Then he arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water: and they ceased, and there was a calm.
25 And he said unto them, Where is your faith? And they being afraid wondered, saying one to another, What manner of man is this! for he commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey him.(KJV)

CGL1023, http://www.christianforums.com/ 42 Comments [9/3/2012 8:37:20 AM]
Fundie Index: 37
Submitted By: Wulframn
WTF?! || meh
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Catgirl_Fetish

Yes, please, stand in the path of the storm and tell it to go away.

9/3/2012 8:45:35 AM



This is what natural selection looks like.

9/3/2012 8:49:29 AM

Dr.Shrinker

This seems to be more of a parody of fundamentalist thought than an honest statement.

9/3/2012 8:54:28 AM

RinellaWasHere

As long as you take other storm precautions, you go right ahead and rebuke the fuck out of that storm.

9/3/2012 9:28:56 AM

Rabbit of Caerbannog

And if rebuking it fails, try paying it a compliment.

9/3/2012 9:32:44 AM

Binky

Jesus was a Cleric with Air Domain so he gets to Control Weather once per day. This won't work for you because:
a) You're not a Cleric with Air Domain.
b) This doesn't work outside of fiction.

9/3/2012 9:41:17 AM

Matante

You do what you want, but leave your children and your animals out of it. They have it bad enough dealing with a nutcase on a daily basis.

9/3/2012 9:45:06 AM

Papabear

They should take their hapless animals to shelters and then stand on the beaches holding up crosses as they rebuke the storm. Damn if this were only a stronger storm.

9/3/2012 10:00:36 AM

solomongrundy

An old Klingon story.

Long ago, a storm was heading for the city of Quin'lat. Everyone took protection within the walls except one man who remained outside. Kahless went to him and asked what he was doing. "I am not afraid," the man said. "I will not hide my face behind stone and mortar. I will stand before the wind and make it respect me." Kahless honored his choice and went back inside. The next day, the storm came, and the man was killed. Kahless replied, "The wind does not respect a fool".

9/3/2012 10:32:51 AM

RiJayden

Or... Maybe they should seek higher ground, perhaps? Just saying.

9/3/2012 10:42:13 AM

Sasha

Are you the Messiah? No.

Is the Bible a work of fiction? Yes.

Will this work? Buy a shitload of life insurance before you try it out. Your family has probably suffered enough.

9/3/2012 10:59:57 AM

anevilmeme

Fuck, I can't tell if this Poe or real.

9/3/2012 11:16:04 AM

Xotan

OK So Jesus, who, according to Nicea is God, rebuked the wind and water. For CGL, or any other Christian to rebuke the same forces is blasphemy. I mean, humans are not God - no?

@ Rijaden

they think they are already on the higher ground - morally at least. Others differ and see them for what they are...

9/3/2012 11:34:31 AM

Oh My Dog!

People who are in the path of tropical storm Issac should protect their loved ones, their animals and their property by rebuking the storm

As opposed to evacuating or seeking shelter somewhere, right?

Doesn't Pat Robertson say goofy stuff like this too. You're just like Pat Robertson.

Though you would take that as a compliment, no doubt.

9/3/2012 12:11:24 PM

Old Viking

I rebuked until the water was up to my chest. Then I dislodged a little old lady from a piece of floating driftwood and used it for my own purposes.

9/3/2012 12:12:20 PM

Alfador

Wow. You think you're Jesus. Bravo.

9/3/2012 12:16:47 PM

Oh My Dog!

Also, in the thread, a certain Halossellar raised a good point.

Maybe God thinks the Republican National Committee is evil.

9/3/2012 12:25:09 PM

Ebon

Darwin Award in waiting.

9/3/2012 12:40:57 PM

Pule Thamex

How To Repel Tropical Storms.

Do not fear Isaac or other Holy expressions of disapproval. Instead, keep calm and be practical. Resort to magical incantations.

1. Shove a clove of garlic up your arse, and one up each nostril.

2. Say the following, "Jesus, I command that thy Father's righteous tempest be delayed until He hath achieved greater proficiency with His aim."

3. When, as is inevitable, Jesus can't hear you over the roaring sound of the storm, then cower in terror.

4. As the hurricane blows you into the air like a raptured moron, curse those imbeciles in San Francisco who have angered the Sky Beast.

5. Soil thy undergarments.

9/3/2012 12:43:55 PM

RiJayden

@Xotan
"they think they are already on the higher ground - morally at least. Others differ and see them for what they are..."
And they can stay there if they want. And the storm claims them, they can ask it why didn't it listen. Storms don't have gods, or ears. They just wreck things.

9/3/2012 12:49:06 PM

Reynardine

Naughty, naughty, Isaac! (Spank, spank). Now, go sit in the corner and no ice cream tonight!

9/3/2012 1:19:41 PM

The Duelist

Yes, fundies, stand out and rebuke the storm.

We'll pass out the Darwin Awards later.

9/3/2012 1:24:31 PM

pete

I predict a Darwin award at some point, like the end, of this one's lifetime.

9/3/2012 1:43:13 PM

Da Rat Bastid

(solomongrundy)
"Long ago, a storm was heading for the city of Quin'lat. Everyone took protection within the walls except one man who remained outside. Kahless went to him and asked what he was doing. 'I am not afraid,' the man said. 'I will not hide my face behind stone and mortar. I will stand before the wind and make it respect me.' Kahless honored his choice and went back inside. The next day, the storm came, and the man was killed. Kahless replied, 'The wind does not respect a fool'."


What was his name?

9/3/2012 1:51:22 PM

Thinking Allowed

Well, it worked for Tampa, Florida. The storm did change course.

9/3/2012 2:40:34 PM
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