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Quote# 89336

[re: what Noah did with all the animal waste on his ark]

One low-tech solution rarely mentioned is the “methane digester.” All Noah would have needed was a simple airtight container to hold the manure, the proper bacteria, and a way of piping the resulting bio-gas to places where it could perform useful work—like a heating, cooking, and lighting inside the ship.

The gas pipes might have been as basic as hollow reeds sealed with natural latex from the rubber tree, Hevea brasiliensses. Methane at ambient temperature and pressure is lighter than air and would flow naturally from the lowest point of Noah’s ship (where the digesters would be located), to the decks above, providing reliable gaslight illumination in what must have been an otherwise dark environment.

The Ark was being designed about 4,450 years ago, when mankind was still highly intelligent (Noah’s ancestor, Adam, possessed a nearly perfect brain as God created him), and Noah could easily have mastered this simple technology.

Ark Encounter, Ark Encounter 235 Comments [9/4/2012 3:01:32 AM]
Fundie Index: 72
Submitted By: Night Jaguar
WTF?! || meh
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Tempus

Amazing that spaceflight, modern superalloys, quantum computers and advanced medicine were created by "non-intelligent" humans, while Noah the Genius made do with a wooden boat and reed pipes, isn't it?

9/4/2012 3:11:02 AM

Leander

Define "nearly perfect brain"... Your Brain surely is not perfect.

9/4/2012 3:28:10 AM

Binky

> and Noah could easily have mastered this simple technology.
As evidenced by the many biblical references to methane reactors used by old testament tribes, and their continued use up to the early 19th century when they were *finally* replaced by the internal combustion engine.

9/4/2012 3:40:55 AM

Horus IX

WTF did I just read?
I seriously think I lost 25 IQ points as a result of reading this garbage. (Which still makes me smarter than a fundie.)

9/4/2012 4:05:27 AM

KittyKaboom

Dafuq?

I was going to say you pulled this theory of yours out of your ass, but clearly you extracted it from the collective asses of an indoor petting zoo.

9/4/2012 4:12:43 AM

Percy Q. Shunn

This is easily one of the stupidest things I've ever read.

So stupid, in fact, that I may be on the verge of an aneurysm.

9/4/2012 4:24:53 AM

D Laurier

So why is there no description of a methane digester anywhere in the bible?
How would Noah get access to a rubber tree that secretes latex?

9/4/2012 4:32:09 AM

Anonymous

How was the old man able to fit all the animals in the ark to begin with?

9/4/2012 4:36:06 AM

Woody

All Noah would have needed was a simple airtight container to hold the manure, the proper bacteria, and a way of piping the resulting bio-gas to places where it could perform useful work—like a heating, cooking, and lighting inside the ship. The gas pipes might have been as basic as hollow reeds....

Ha ha ha ha ha,.....oh you were serious!

9/4/2012 4:41:49 AM

Mihangel apYrs

...Noah’s ancestor, Adam, possessed a nearly perfect brain as God created him...

So god (a perfect being) created an imperfect brain for the first man. That suggests that the Fall was pre-ordained, as a design flaw made humanity open to Satan's allures.

Bad call, God, and his christains

9/4/2012 5:01:57 AM

Leighton Buzzard

FFS, just say 'God did it by a miracle' and cut out the bullshit.

9/4/2012 5:05:02 AM

AIF

Build an ocean going full size ark, using only wood prepared as it would have been 4000 years ago, and using only the tools they would have had available.

overcome this foundational hurdle and then we can talk.

9/4/2012 5:06:40 AM

Doubting Thomas

And just how do you expect Noah to isolate the "proper bacteria?" Oh, right, mankind was still far more highly intelligent back then than they are now. That's why you see ancient skyscrapers all over the place and archaeologists are constantly digging up ancient computers.

You still have the problem of 8 people shoveling all the shit from millions of animals every single day, not to mention feeding them in the first place. You'd have less than a second per day to care for each animal, and that's not counting taking time off for eating, sleeping, breaks, etc.

9/4/2012 5:41:38 AM

Frostythesnowman

So, in a book in which gods create worlds, snakes talk, pigs are posessed by demons, zombies and unicorns wander about, and people get turned into piles of salt, you feel the need to rationally explain where an impossibly old man in an impossible boat, disposed of some shit?

I'm struggling to come up with a word which accurately describes such utter idiocy...


9/4/2012 5:48:59 AM

Filin De Blanc

It amazes me how much time people will devote to explaining something that a child could tell is impossible, instead of just saying "okay, yeah, this can't be right".

9/4/2012 6:00:30 AM

Street Sharks

Well, this is a first for me. I really never thought that my career knowledge and experience would ever relate to a FSTDT quote.

As a sewage treatment operator (seriously!), I can tell you that what you described is not actually possible.

9/4/2012 6:00:58 AM

Mister Spak

An even lower tech solution is to cut a hole in the bottom of the ark and just shovel the waste into the hole.

Next question: How did 8 people shovel the waste produced by 60 million animals?

9/4/2012 6:05:43 AM

Dr.Shrinker

Funny that NONE of this is mentioned in the bible you insist that you follow so scrupulously.

9/4/2012 6:06:37 AM

gravematter

It doesn't matter. The more pressing issues are: Where did Noah get EVERY SINGLE SPECIES OF ANIMAL from, in the time given to him? How did he fit them all onto even a large boat? Why didn't the animals eat each other, and what did they eat when they got off the ark? The carnivores would have been waiting months before there were any baby deer and goats. And how exactly did the entire world flood? Where did the water come from? Answer these questions first, if you'd be so kind.

9/4/2012 6:20:54 AM

Mister Spak

@gravematter:

The bible says the gates of heaven were opened and the fountains of the great deep were broken up.



9/4/2012 6:32:42 AM

dionysus

That still doesn't explain how Noah cleaned up the shit of millions of "kinds" of animals. It might explain why the smell didn't kill them but what did they do with the thousands of tons of shit they got each day? And where did they store the food to feed all of the animals?

9/4/2012 6:49:30 AM

John_in_Oz

Since we're thinking outside the box, maybe Noah built a bunch of Robots help an elderly sheep-herer buid a wooden boat larger than an aircraft carrier, scour the world for 7 of every clean animal, accumulate enough food for seedcorn, plus a year and a growing season's eating for Noah, his family, and every living creature on earth, then to clean the crap, feed the animals, provide veterinary services, and farm the land after landing.
See, the story of Noah doesn't have to sound like made-up crap after all!

9/4/2012 6:55:23 AM

dionysus

What I want to see is someone replicating the Ark. I want a good, Godly creationist to take two of every "kind" (whatever the hell that even means) and taking them on a voyage for 40 days. I'll even let an unlimited number of people build the Ark and collect the animals using modern technology to speed up the process. But after that, only 8 people are allowed to feed the animals, take care of them, clean up after them, etc. I have two dogs and they're a hassle sometimes, I want to see 8 people taking care of a floating mega-zoo for 40 days and still tell me that Noah's flood actually happened.

9/4/2012 6:56:37 AM

Horsefeathers

Does the word parsimony mean anything to you?

9/4/2012 7:38:27 AM

farpadokly

I'd like to see them try this on Mythbusters.


9/4/2012 7:59:33 AM
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