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Quote# 89430

5. To which nation was the kingdom of God given?

...

Here are the reasons why it is the Philippines:
1. The Holy Spirit uses a blind woman, Maria Liwayway Alvaran or Ka Apaz, to speak to the listeners, tape recorded, in the Filipino language understood mainly by Filipinos.
2. Jesus created Pontius Pilate when He was twelve years old who looked exactly like Him, believe it or not. He used a kind of clay to make pots and jars called in Filipino as “pila”, thus the name Pilate was derived from “pila ito” or “this is pila”. There is a town in Laguna, Philippines called Pila.
3. The tree in Genesis that God forbids the fruit to be eaten is usually portrayed as an apple tree which in Filipino is called “mansanas”. “Mansanas” means “mantsa na” or sin or stain.
4. In September 2011, someone said that the word “Filipino” is foreboding—“pili na, pino pa” (“chosen, finely”). Powder is fine, thus it says in Matthew 21:44, “it will grind him to powder.”
5. The Filipinos are in different parts of the world, as immigrants or as Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs). They can express the revelations of the Holy Spirit since they understand the language and can translate these to host countries.

Aristeo Canlas Fernando, aristean.org 46 Comments [9/8/2012 9:20:02 AM]
Fundie Index: 57
Submitted By: ixolite
WTF?! || meh
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Skyknight

Do you get the feeling Fernando's never heard the term "false cognate" before?

9/8/2012 9:27:27 AM

Anon-e-moose

I know the Philippines is an extremely devout Catholic country (just ask any of those in that country who - every Easter - have themselves nailed to crosses voluntarily, and of their own free will), but this is the kind of theological/Bible apologist reaching which makes Shaun T's 'Insanity Workout' seem like Pilates for the over-60s.

(*Switches to Doug Piranha mode*)

'Pila''. 'Pilates'. So I guess you'll be saying that the exercise regimen known as Pilates was invented in the Philippines, eh, Arse-Tea-O...? [/smartarse]

9/8/2012 9:32:49 AM

Canuovea

This looks like trolling/poeing to me.

Seriously, people can't be that stupid.

9/8/2012 9:34:41 AM

JeanP

"1. The Holy Spirit uses a blind woman, Maria Liwayway Alvaran or Ka Apaz, to speak to the listeners, tape recorded, in the Filipino language understood mainly by Filipinos."

Do you have evidence the Holy Spirit is using 'Ka Apaz' as emissaty? The fact her messages are in Filipino is only because it's her mother tongue.

"2. Jesus created Pontius Pilate when He was twelve years old who looked exactly like Him, believe it or not. He used a kind of clay to make pots and jars called in Filipino as “pila”, thus the name Pilate was derived from “pila ito” or “this is pila”. There is a town in Laguna, Philippines called Pila."

Only linguistic coincidence: after all the word to describe god in Greek and Nahuath is the same, and it's teo: it's only an accident.

"3. The tree in Genesis that God forbids the fruit to be eaten is usually portrayed as an apple tree which in Filipino is called “mansanas”. “Mansanas” means “mantsa na” or sin or stain."

Another linguistic accident.
The forbidden fruit on the Tree of the Knowledge isn't described and is only depicted as an apple because of a latin pun: malum mean both apple and sin, and fruct is pomma, which is, in some romance languages, nearer of the word for apple.

"4. In September 2011, someone said that the word “Filipino” is foreboding—“pili na, pino pa” (“chosen, finely”). Powder is fine, thus it says in Matthew 21:44, “it will grind him to powder.” "

A third linguistic accident.

"5. The Filipinos are in different parts of the world, as immigrants or as Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs). They can express the revelations of the Holy Spirit since they understand the language and can translate these to host countries."

Thus we can say the Kingdom of God will be given to the Chineses, Poles, Englishs, Indians or Arabs: they have a huge diaspora and/or their tongue is largely spocken in the world.

9/8/2012 9:39:41 AM

Swede

The guys who wrote the Bible probably didn't know that the Philippines exists.

I don't remember reading about Maria Liwayway Alvaran in the Bible, and she is hardly the first, nor the last person to believe that God is talking through her/him.

9/8/2012 9:40:50 AM

J. James

No, the kingdom of god is AMERICA. It even appears in the bible.

A-M-E-R-I-C-A. Those letters occur in that order(spaced out a bit and in unrelated verses, but they're still in order!).

9/8/2012 10:47:19 AM

nazani14

Philip is a given name, derived from the Greek F???pp?? (Philippos, lit. "horse-loving" or "fond of horses"[1][2]), from a compound of f???? (phílos, "dear", "loved", "loving") and ?pp?? (hippos, "horse"). In Ancient Greece, the ownership of horses was available only to those rich enough to afford them. Thus, "lover of horses" can also be understood as "noble"

The Philipines are named for King Phillip (Felipe)II of Spain.

9/8/2012 11:06:52 AM

JSS

1. Evidence
2. Or
3. It
4. Didn't
5. Happen

9/8/2012 11:24:02 AM

farpadokly

I must say, this makes a change from Americans being the chosen ones of God.
It wins the bad etymology award of the decade, though.

9/8/2012 11:27:12 AM

Oh My Dog!



Jesus created Pontius Pilate
You'd think the bible would have mentioned this, no?

As for the rest:
Words...don't...work...that...way.

9/8/2012 11:50:28 AM

checkmate

@Canuovea

Seriously, people can't be that stupid.

Oh yes they can.

I've been dealing with crap like this for decades. It's absolutely unbelievable what ludicrous, irrational, and cockimamy bullshit people will suck out of their toenails. There are thousands and thousands of these crackpots out there.

They're usually men in their mid 50's who dropped out of college, never had a satisfactory career, and rarely leave the house.

Heaven help when they show up at public lectures and start asking questions during the post-lecture discussion. They can ruin the evening in seconds.

9/8/2012 11:56:39 AM

Old Viking

Who knew?

9/8/2012 1:36:32 PM

motobreath

This has to be a poe, the sheer mental gymnastics involved soar way beyond appologetics. Although the phillipines are notorious for believing any bullshit presented to them, Schizophrenics with Alzheimer's have more coherent thought patterns.

9/8/2012 1:55:10 PM

UH;

@ixolite: If you are a Filipino and know some of the crazy in the Phillies please, oh please keep posting this crazy. I love this.

Edit: Wow I misstyped my freakin name, I'm not even drunk.

9/8/2012 2:00:10 PM

whatever

God's country is anywhere I like. Because I say so.

It's just as easily justified as your five course word salad about the Philipines!

9/8/2012 2:05:43 PM

Wykked Wytch

False cognate fail.

"Mansanas" actually comes from Spanish "manzanas," which means "apples."

9/8/2012 2:43:42 PM

checkmate

@Wykked Wytch

"Mansanas" actually comes from Spanish "manzanas," which means "apples."

In the real world, yes, but in Aristeo Canlas Fernando's world it must certainly mean "[the] man's an ass" and is referring to Aristeo Canlas Fernando himself. ;-)

9/8/2012 3:06:39 PM

Papabear

I'm always amazed that these idiots have no idea that what the words sound like in English, Tagalog, Filipino is irrelevant.

9/8/2012 3:11:22 PM

Giardano Bruno

Bugger. For all sorts of good reasons I like and admire Pinays. But I hope none of them think that they are God's anointed.

9/8/2012 3:43:00 PM

John

The tree in Genesis that God forbids the fruit to be eaten is usually portrayed as an apple tree

Genesis doesn't specify the species of magic fruit. Apples didn't grow in the ancient holy land - that's a European invention, just like the depiction of Joseph and Mary trudging through the snow to the stable on Christmas Eve (it doesn't snow in Bethlehem - if it did, they wouldn't have palm trees).

9/8/2012 4:22:50 PM

Berny

I don't recall this particular bullshit from the versions of the Bible that I have read.

9/8/2012 6:27:54 PM

Felix Nephthys

My bunghole hurts from reading this. I literally shit purple polka-dotted bricks after I reached the Pontius Pilate part. (number 2) Then I hacked into a wastebasket at the same time. I like to engage every orifice at moments like that.

9/8/2012 7:28:49 PM

The Crimson Ghost

You don't say; the Filipino language understood mainly by Filipinos. What utter nonsense.

9/8/2012 8:02:25 PM



Put this guy in a room with Rushbo and watch the explosions of fundie rage.

9/8/2012 9:40:16 PM

Indicible

Actually, Pilates is a Swiss aircraft company. Does that mean Jesus was sent to the sky by the Swiss? Wicked...

9/8/2012 11:18:52 PM
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