Quote# 89447

My 16 y/o just started working at a pumpkin patch…my first question was, “Do boys work there? Are they all Monks?”

Unfortunately, they are not all monks…Sadly, we cannot sanction Muslim garb (my wife forbids it for some reason). I only wish that the Spirit would make those boys blind for the next few months, that’s all I ask.

James H, The Gospel Coalition 34 Comments [9/10/2012 3:51:56 AM]
Fundie Index: 51

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You wish blindness on people you don't even know? You evil bastard.

9/10/2012 4:04:02 AM


1. Why are you letting your daughter work in a pumpkin patch with its obvious ties to the satanic holiday of Halloween?

2. Why did you allow your daughter to get a job? Shouldn't she be home in the kitchen with your wife learning how to be a proper submissive wife?

3. For any fundie that wandered in here and thinks the above two points are legitimate questions they are meant as satire.

9/10/2012 4:05:04 AM

Your possessiveness of your daughter is creepy and unhealthy.

That poor girl either:

A. Is going to rebel and be knocked up before you know it.

B. Will marry the first guy who comes along to get the hell out of that house.


C. Needs a lock on her bedroom door at home.

9/10/2012 4:27:39 AM

D Laurier

Creepy control issues.

9/10/2012 4:48:07 AM


Having read the site and comments, I'm calling Poe.

The whole thing is a joke.

9/10/2012 4:51:14 AM

Doubting Thomas

Guess what? Most teenage boys have enough self control to keep themselves from jumping on your daughter like she's the last chopper out of 'Nam.

Leave it to religion to reduce all men to stupid neanderthals who can't keep from humping every female they see.

9/10/2012 4:51:18 AM


Maybe that's all *you* can think of when you see your daughter.

9/10/2012 5:20:49 AM

You do realize that the cited article "Application for Dating My Daughter" is supposed to be a satirical jab at control-obsessed fathers, right?

9/10/2012 5:27:46 AM

Mister Spak

"Sadly, we cannot sanction Muslim garb"

Sadly, you missed the implications of your wanting to sanction muslim garb.

9/10/2012 5:29:29 AM

Deep Search

Yeah. When someone starts working in a pumpkin patch, the first question you should ask is if all the male employees are Monks.

Logical. Rational. Makes total sense.

9/10/2012 5:37:30 AM


doubting thomas' writing style: awesome

anevilmeme's third point: necessary

does anyone else get the impression that reading and posting in the comments help further creative writing? look back in the archives and you had quite a few badly written posts going basically "athiesm FTW!!!1!one lulz fundys r stoopid". nowadays, we clash just as much, and yet it's so much more litterate.

then, we get a post like frostythesnowman's: 12 words, oh so true.

at the op: [insert obvious seed-planting/oat-sowing joke here]

9/10/2012 5:38:33 AM


If your daughter's hot, I just have to say that boys can't really go blind from doing that, so your "wish" is not likely to come true.

9/10/2012 6:15:33 AM

Thinking Allowed

How sweet of you James. Praying for non-christian boys to be afflicted with blindness. What do you pray for that your god will do to your enemies?

9/10/2012 6:32:03 AM


If you were a TrueChristian©, you wouldn't let your daughter leave the home in the first place.

9/10/2012 7:28:24 AM

J. James

Whaaaat? Do you not want them to even LOOK at your daughter, you creep?

9/10/2012 8:01:29 AM


The poster's account name is 'Brazenhusseys'.
I am calling poe.

9/10/2012 8:38:08 AM


Someone is going to get in her panties eventually. Deal with it.

9/10/2012 8:38:58 AM


Oh yeah, because monks totally wouldn't touch an underage girl.

9/10/2012 8:45:20 AM

Raised by Horses

I can see where she's coming from. When I think 'arousing imagery', I think 'fresh from working the pumpkin patch'.

9/10/2012 9:08:58 AM


@anevilmeme: Worse, she might start worshipping the Great Pumpkin.

9/10/2012 9:39:04 AM


I am calling Poe on this if for no other reason than to preserve the naïve delusion that people like this don't exist.

9/10/2012 9:42:01 AM

Less a fundi and more a control freak.

Still creepy as hell though.

9/10/2012 9:46:20 AM


This sounds...thoroughly tongue-in-cheek to me. I don't think it even qualifies as a poe. It's not parodying fundamentalism as much as it's parodying the cultural stereotype of fathers being overprotective of their daughters, a stereotype which has been subject to this type of mockery for decades, and which at this point hardly needs the hints of self-aware irony for the joke to be obvious. I'm not saying people who really do think like this don't exist, but they write as though they take themselves and the issue seriously, as a matter of life and death. this guy, not so much.

9/10/2012 10:11:34 AM


Muslim garb?! What - this guy is too stupid to google "modest Christian clothing"? There's a ton of sites out there with "modest" clothing for Christian girls - complete with head covering, long skirts, long sleeves, high necklines ...

Oh, wait. He said his wife forbids it for some reason .... :)

9/10/2012 10:27:32 AM


I imagine she'll probably like all the male attention she gets.

9/10/2012 11:39:43 AM

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