so I have a story. My brother and his girlfriend were walking around campus after a party and on that night like two years ago there had been a suicide and they just felt like evil around them and they couldn't even explain it.
And so they were passing a chapel and they heard screaming and curses and so they went inside and there was someone they knew and she was drunk as fuck and she kept changing voices and personalities and and they looked in her eyes and it wasn't her.
She was possessed with like five different demons! And so my brother and his girlfriend were trying to perform an exorcism and when they touched her they felt the demons actually trying to attack them.
But they talked to the demons and kept asking for their names and idk all of them but one of them said he was loneliness. And he said it through the girl but it sounded like a guy. And so they cast out the demons but it took like an hour and they were constantly praying and calling us to pray
But there might still be 1 demon left in her cuz a guard came in and kicked them out cuz they didn't believe the story he just thought she was drunk. But he says there is still evil around campus and for us to be praying for him.
51 comments
The first thing this would-be exorcist needs is classes in English. The second sentence has the word 'like' used twice quite unnecessarily. It serves no purpose and the usage is incorrect.
"...they heard... curses..." And the next "...she was drunk as fuck...". Come on! I think I know someone else who may have been drunk. Try not to insult our intelligence. It only demonstrates your own ignorance.
"cuz", not English.
There is much evil in this posting.
Get an education! Your lack of one is pathetic.
"But there might still be 1 demon left in her cuz a guard came in and kicked them out cuz they didn't believe the story he just thought she was drunk."
Because what does a stupid non christian guard know?
of course she attacked you, you interrupted her buzz
I mean, if I'm drunk, the last thing I need is some asshole snatching me up and speaking in tongues at me
Also, loneliness is not a demon. It's an emotion.
also why would demons possess a woman and lead her to holy ground?
"She was possessed with like five different demons!"
I call bullshit.
It was probably just one demon with multiple personalities.
/sarcasm
"But they talked to the demons and kept asking for their names and idk all of them but one of them said he was loneliness."
Emotional states are not demons you stupid fucker.
so I have a story
Yes, yes you do.
Also Nutella = LSD?
I hate to steal Anon-e-Moose's thunder, but I think I know of the girl you're talking about.
image
Hint: She's not real. Neither are demons.
You must be, like, possessed by the, like, stupidity demon.
This might, like be true. The other day I was watching The Exorcist when I started to get like posessed by demons and shit. So I got on my exorcise bike and rode down to the supermarket and like bought up all the pinot noir because noir is like the devil dude. So I drank three bottles and my head started spinning and all this like green shit came out and I pissed the bed and then Satan made me puke my guts up and the evil was like gone dude.
Imagine you are this poor girl. You're drunk and you wandered away from your friends. You're away from home at a big scary college. You're having a terrible personal crisis and you just feel so lonely and isolated, so you go to the chapel, a place where you have always found solace, but the critical thinking skills and new experiences you have had since leaving him have caused you to doubt your faith. Scared and angry you start to scream at god, knowing that if he is listening he will send you a sign. As if by some divine hand, two people show up who also happen to be Christians, and they want to talk to you! In your drunken state you confide your loneliness, fear, and doubt to them, thinking that perhaps the hand of god has sent these people and you can finally make some decent friends on this campus full of fratboy assholes. But instead of consoling you and helping you get back to your room, maybe with a promise to meet up on Sunday after church, these two crazy fucks start touching you all over and pouring holy water on your head, and chanting like lunatics. Luckily the campus security guard showed up when he did because those two were getting into some serious serial-killer ritual shit.
Seriously somewhere on the internet there is a forum post that goes "So I have a story. I got totally wasted and ended up at the chapel because I was pissed off at god. Then these two weirdos came by and instead of calling me a taxi, they tried to exorcise me!"
@Frank
Yeah, it was 5 different spirits!
Jack Daniels, Bartles & James, Captain Morgan, Moet & Chandon and Southern Comfort!
Or does that count as 7?
(Types away on keyboard ):
Dear Deirdre. I am addicted to Bourbon Biscuits, and I think I am possessed by a demon who calls himself the 'Duke of Bourbon'.
Am I normal ?
Yours, Peter I.
PS: And please explain to me, how I am e-mailing this to the website of "The Sun" newspaper in the 21st Century, when I am in the 14th Century?!
X3 [/smartarse]
She was possessed with like five different demons!
Like, DUDE! Like awesome as fuck, dude.
But they talked to the demons and kept asking for their names and idk all of them
Their names were Robin Williams, Jerry Lewis, Christopher Walken, Jeff Dunham and Jim Carrey.
But there might still be 1 demon left in her cuz a guard came in and kicked them out cuz they didn't believe the story he just thought she was drunk.
If I found a drunk girl who'd been practicing her comedy routine with two weirdos on top of her holding her down and yelling at her, I'd probably do more than kick you out. I'd probably stun gun, zip cuff you and file a report of assault and possible sexual abuse.
Imagine this guy getting with the "Bathtub Leviathan Fighter Guy" & the goobers at Demonbusters .
@cdcdrr
"But they talked to the demons and kept asking for their names and idk all of them"
Their names were Robin Williams, Jerry Lewis, Christopher Walken, Jeff Dunham and Jim Carrey.
Heck, Jeff Dumham ALONE would be several demons: Peanut, Achmed, that chili pepper guy, etc....
image
A whole lotta Cacodaemon action in THIS pic!
@OhJohnNo
"Hint: She's not real. Neither are demons."
image
More's the pity. "Ah! My Goddess"'s Leader of Hell (and the entire space-time continuum's uber -MILF) Hild could scream & curse - with the multiple orgasms I'd give her - at me anytime. Oh, and one word: Paizuri. ( . )( . ) :9
@#1447711
"Needs more dragons"
Okay:
image
X3
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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