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Quote# 89872

I was 23 years old. (I know that was back in the Bronze Age, but divination hasn’t changed.) I was addicted to a Ouija board. I had people driving 100 miles to put their hands on the glass object, ask the board questions, and have it spell out answers. I was so good at it that the glass object could move with no hands on it.

It made predictions and many of them came true. It instilled power in me that was stunning. The glass object that spelled out words would often spin around the board in a frenzy, and it was always talking about dark, evil things. All predictions were negative. It scared many participants. It has supernatural power, but since it is of the devil, not all predictions came true because the devil does not know the future.

When I asked the board where it got its power, it spelled S-A-T-A-N.

One evening I put the board away and felt a presence in my apartment. I did not want to open my eyes because I knew I would see a demon.

If you think I am doing this for sensationalism, I can tell you that it has not been easy reliving my experience. I do it only to spare some of you from my mistakes.


Jan Markell, defending contending 84 Comments [10/2/2012 3:39:22 AM]
Fundie Index: 82
Submitted By: Tony
WTF?! || meh
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grdrgf

lying 4 jesus whoot!

9/28/2012 2:59:33 PM

waffle

your bullshitting i can almost smell it

9/28/2012 3:27:40 PM

qqqqq

fot the ONE THOUSANDTH TIME NO, oiuja boards do not have SUPERNATURAL POWERS

9/28/2012 3:30:52 PM

erw

me thinks she exaggerates.....

9/28/2012 3:36:41 PM

matt

the indometer effect is the work of the devil!

9/28/2012 5:15:03 PM

whatever

"I was 23 years old. (I know that was back in the Bronze Age)"...

You really want one of us to say it, don't you...?

10/2/2012 3:41:37 AM

Mudak

"Many of them came true" is a line that jumped out at me. This means that some did not.

Even if I could believe the rest of your story (which I don't) this is a great example of selection bias.

10/2/2012 3:51:54 AM

Oh My Dog!

Are your pants on fire Jan?

10/2/2012 3:56:11 AM

Amadan

Oh look! That favourite Fundie trope: "Ah wuz a hardened Satanist/Tearrrist/Kawmyanist/Jesuit (oops! forgot we haven't used that one since the 1950s!) . . .

. . . but then Ah found Jeeeeeebus!"

It's astonishing how few of them grew up as the underperforming spawn of a Post Office clerk with unremarkable lives.

America truly is the land of opportunity.

10/2/2012 3:58:28 AM

KittyKaboom

First you say that the board's accuracy was so astonishing people drove 100 miles out of their way to see it in action, then go on to say that since it was controlled by Satan it couldn't be that accurate since he doesn't know the future.

Make up your mind. Just sayin'.

10/2/2012 4:06:29 AM

zipperback

You were so good that you forgot that the "glass object" is called a planchette. That's pretty basic terminology for anyone who believes in divination.

Jan, you are to ouija boards what Bob Fossil is to zoology.

I'd like to see Jan write some other testimonies of his/er life of misdeeds.

"I was 25 years old (it was back during the Gothic period), I was addicted to alcoholic drinks. I spent every night at buildings that served alcohol to people in exchange for currency. I would often drink entire alcohol storage containers full of alcohol over the course of the night.

Sometimes I would spend time with other alcohol drinkers behind buildings where alcohol was served, playing games of chance with cubic random number generators for units of currency...."

10/2/2012 4:30:47 AM

Percy Q. Shunn

So, when confronted with demons, all we need to do to defend ourselves is close our eyes?
Does your god now about this?

10/2/2012 4:41:12 AM



I asked my ouija board what it though about this story - it spelt out B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

10/2/2012 4:43:12 AM

FTR...

Was this before or after you were abducted by aliens, only to be rescued by Han Solo and given a lift home in the Millennium Falcon?

10/2/2012 4:53:53 AM

Frostythesnowman

What a lame story. If I was making up a demon story, he wouldn't just be standing there, his head would be spinning round and gallons of green vomit would be flying everywhere. You're not really trying Jan.

10/2/2012 4:54:37 AM

Doubting Thomas

Bullshit. And I'll tell you why.

the glass object

You were so good with the Ouija board, yet you don't even know that the thing which moves around the board is called the planchette? Obvious lie by a Christian who doesn't really know all the ins & outs of occultism.

I was so good at it that the glass object could move with no hands on it.

Bullshit, for obvious reasons. Why is it that all these people who came from "100 miles" away never got video of it?

It made predictions and many of them came true. ... not all predictions came true because the devil does not know the future.

If the devil doesn't know the future, then how did he get some of the predictions correct?

When I asked the board where it got its power, it spelled S-A-T-A-N.

It's only Christian fundies who think that Ouija boards are powered by the devil. If this line is true, then it's only because it spelled out what you wanted it to.

Christians are such bad liars when it comes to stuff like this.

10/2/2012 4:55:11 AM

Passerby

KittyKaboom and Zipperback beat me to it.

10/2/2012 4:55:31 AM



I've encountered demons as well, I even summon them, I like the Succubus and Felguard they come in quite handy defeating my foes in Azeroth, then I log off my computer and get back to the real world, see unlike you I know what fantasy is.

10/2/2012 5:05:04 AM

Mistr Spak

"I do it only to spare some of you from my mistakes. "

Your mistakes were the drugs you took.

10/2/2012 5:21:14 AM

D Laurier

And another liar for Jesus.
Jan has never touched a Ouija board.

10/2/2012 5:30:13 AM

afacelessatheist

When I played the ouija board as a kid with my friends that whole satan thing happened to and my reaction was to immediately ask who pushed it. Even as a kid who believed in Satan, I did not think the father of sin and all things evil was going to take time out of it's busy schedule to answer questions about guys we were crushing on. Didn't make sense then, doesn't make sense now.

10/2/2012 5:48:26 AM

wombat

"I do it only to spare some of you from my mistakes."

Good, that's what this website is for, after all.

10/2/2012 5:52:42 AM

dionysus

If you think I am doing this for sensationalism, you're absolutely right.

Fixed that for you. Oh, and tell us the one about how you were a hardcore drug addict who ate nothing but cocaine and drank nothing but heroin while you were blowing homeless guys who would inject you with marijuana in exchange. And how after finding Jesus you were able to quit cold turkey without any withdrawal. That one's my favorite.

10/2/2012 5:57:36 AM

dionysus

Just reading the comments on the page I saw these:

I was raised in a home with a father who dabbled in the occult. From satanic books at a very young age, it wasn’t long before I moved into the Ouja board and then full-on satan worship and rituals. My life was a demonised mess until Jesus called me. I cannot begin to speak of the horrors I endured at the hands of the demonic. I know first hand how it starts, and how dangerous it is. I have shielded my daughter from “pop-culture” as much as I could and my reward is that she has zero interest in anything dark and demonic. I never allowed the slightest spark of interest and always warned her of the dangers.

I too can speak of the evil and destruction from this device, and many others. For many years in Southern Calif., I was involved in ALL of it…Psychics, handwriting analysis, horoscopes, Native American spiritualism (burning sage in the home to protect from evil spirits), Buddism, mediums calling on the dead, you name it, I thought it was great!


This is sad…and I can tell from my own personal experience (as a teenager many years ago), too, that the board is very dangerous. It is NOT an innocent toy, but a TRAP. I had to repent of being involved with this as well as other activities occultic. It pains my heart now to know that I even participated in such a thing, and what an abomination to our Lord this is. Through His grace and mercy he showed me the Truth.

And this is from a sampling of only 25 comments, many of them being replies to others. It's crazy how many Christians used to be Satanists and occultists. Why, it's almost as if they are competing against each other to see who can come up with the worst atrocity tale.

10/2/2012 6:30:34 AM

afacelessatheist

@dionysus:

you wrote:"Why, it's almost as if they are competing against each other to see who can come up with the worst atrocity tale." It's the Christian version of the Monty Python Yorkshire skit.

10/2/2012 6:36:48 AM
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