Quote# 89872

I was 23 years old. (I know that was back in the Bronze Age, but divination hasn’t changed.) I was addicted to a Ouija board. I had people driving 100 miles to put their hands on the glass object, ask the board questions, and have it spell out answers. I was so good at it that the glass object could move with no hands on it.

It made predictions and many of them came true. It instilled power in me that was stunning. The glass object that spelled out words would often spin around the board in a frenzy, and it was always talking about dark, evil things. All predictions were negative. It scared many participants. It has supernatural power, but since it is of the devil, not all predictions came true because the devil does not know the future.

When I asked the board where it got its power, it spelled S-A-T-A-N.

One evening I put the board away and felt a presence in my apartment. I did not want to open my eyes because I knew I would see a demon.

If you think I am doing this for sensationalism, I can tell you that it has not been easy reliving my experience. I do it only to spare some of you from my mistakes.

Jan Markell, defending contending 84 Comments [10/2/2012 3:39:22 AM]
Fundie Index: 83
Submitted By: Tony

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Why would satan tell the truth? It's not like he's honor bound to deal with you fairly and honestly? This is the problem when you start lying, it's not even consistent within your own belief system.

10/2/2012 6:46:07 AM



That is all.

10/2/2012 7:03:42 AM

Arctic Knight

Anyone who is supposed to be as experienced with a Ouija board as you claim to be would know that the "glass object," as you call it, is called a planchette. I've never played with a Ouija board and even I know that. You just shot your own credibility down and now we all know you are lying for Jesus.

10/2/2012 7:19:07 AM


You dipshits are costing me a fortune in irony meters and bullshitometers. Cut the crap! The damn thing just melted right off the table. Now it looks like one of Dali's clocks!

10/2/2012 7:22:33 AM


Her nose just grew!
Jan, it's called the ideomotor effect...and that "glass object" is called planchette. Stop watching horror movies too late at night!

10/2/2012 7:27:33 AM


I can't see why an ancient spirit would use the modern English word for him rather than his actual name.

10/2/2012 7:28:04 AM

Thinking Allowed

The 80s called. They want the Satanic Panic back.

10/2/2012 7:34:59 AM


Aaaallll right....all together now....

(tune of 'Bringing In The Sheaves')


and here's a new one....


Jan also seems to have watched one too many cheesy horror films.

The whole thing is suspect. The pointer doodad (in this case, a good ol' fashioned drinking glass) is called A PLANCHETE! Being interested in all things occult, I KNOW about this stuff!

Also, I doubt throngs of people came from 100 miles to see your Ouija sessions.

The predictions were supposedly 100% accurate but they came from Satan who doesn't know the future. Either contradictory or weird forces "made" the predictions "come true"...or better yet, pure B.S!



10/2/2012 7:59:19 AM


I had the same experience playing Monopoly. I landed on St. James Place, threw 10 and landed on Atlantic Ave., threw a 4 and went to jail, and when I got out, I threw an 8 for Tennessee Ave., followed by an 8 for Atlantic again, then a 6 for North Carolina Ave. I knew it must be demons, so I never played that evil game again.

10/2/2012 9:08:51 AM


What's that I smell? Could it possibly be bullsh1t?

10/2/2012 9:10:49 AM


You should see what happened when Jan used the Speak-and-Spell !

10/2/2012 10:17:21 AM


"not all predictions came true because the devil does not know the future."

A convenient excuse for your cold reading misses, you fucking con artist.

10/2/2012 10:20:45 AM


worked with no hands? Liar.

Even if that were true, ever think that maybe someone had a remote and was effing with you? or is Satan always the first answer for things you don't understand?

10/2/2012 10:27:18 AM


God is the gateway belief for other supernatural bullshit. After all once you accept the existence of that imaginary creature, what's to stop you from believing in other supernatural powers? For most people, nothing.

10/2/2012 10:29:48 AM

ok, check your wallet for the EMERGENCT NUMBER and get help. Going off your meds is hot a good idea.

10/2/2012 10:30:58 AM

Filin De Blanc

I asked Princess Celestia about that and she told me Satan doesn't exist.

10/2/2012 10:34:20 AM

Martha Jones

Could it be...SATAN?

...No, no it's not.

10/2/2012 11:08:35 AM


You guys, I have a true story about my Ouija board experiences. I've used a mini Ouija board many times and (here's the kicker) nothing happened except for the minute movements of my hand directing the planchette to spell out what was in my own subconcious. All I'm doing is reading my own mind.

*uses Ouija board again* I'm getting something! *The planchette spells something out* J-A-N-Y-O-U-F-A-I-L
Jan, you fail!

10/2/2012 11:26:22 AM


The glass object that spelled out words

As others have noted, your story needs work.

10/2/2012 11:37:37 AM


*not intended to be a factual statement.

10/2/2012 11:55:45 AM


There's something else I think everyone should consider:

Satan is almost never portrayed (either in the Bible or in religiously-inspired poetry) as being that friggin' OBVIOUS!

He never appears in the form of something you hate. He's a tempter, a liar; he isn't a soldier who shows up demonic and fiery to hurt people.

Why would he ever appear in something you think in advance would be demonic, like an Ouija board?

No, that's now how Satan is supposed to operate. If he wanted to tempt you to sin, he wouldn't appear all red and horned and cloven-hoofed. It's more likely he'd appear as someone you LIKE: maybe as your best friend, tempting you to think it's a good idea to put drugs in women's drinks so you can rape them. Or maybe he'll be your priest, encouraging you to look down on other countries and thus fall to the sin of pride. Or he's your football coach, slyly encouraging you to cheat "to bring glory to your community."

In summary, this person is likely making the whole thing up.

10/2/2012 12:15:02 PM

Old Viking

Plausibility is your friend.

10/2/2012 12:37:21 PM


10/2/2012 1:18:10 PM


I just like the fine irony that the post title is about how satan is subtle. Get to the post

Q: Where do you get your power?
A: S-A-T-A-N

Only a Christian could confuse that with being subtle.

10/2/2012 1:50:50 PM


@dionysus: What I think is so sad about those kinds of comments is that obviously these are people who went from one kind of bullshit to another; from New Agey occulty nonsense to fundamental Christianity. I feel that these people need to be reached out to and informed that there is such a thing as secularism and that it's ok to be a secularist.

10/2/2012 2:29:32 PM

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