Doubting Thomas

Jesus Christ himself does NOT know himself the hour and date of his return ... what I do believe is what the bible has already stated and what God himself shares with me.

Funny, Jesus doesn't even know when he's going to return, but this idiot happens to know because God tells him.

According to the bible, 2 will be chosen for election but there will also be a public figure that will rise up, then the anti christ.

You need to read your bible again, because there's absolutely nothing in the bible, especially Revelation, which says this.

BTW, it's called "Revelation," not "Revelations."

11/2/2012 5:23:14 AM

LAchlan

How about this? It's all made up.

11/2/2012 5:54:13 AM

OhJohnNo

This is refreshingly nice after all these horrible posts about killing people & denying gravity.

11/2/2012 5:55:20 AM

Dr.Shrinker

"Already we are hearing how the Democrats are talking about if your Christian you need to bail now and leave."

- Citation please

11/2/2012 5:57:23 AM

Too long didn't read, but it's Revelation not Revelations. How sad that I know more about your book of bullshit than you do.

11/2/2012 6:02:18 AM

Mihangel apYrs

I you had READ your bible, you would know that it is "Revelation" (no "s"). In full "The Revelation of Saint John the Divine"

(Doh!!! Curse you early posters!)

11/2/2012 6:25:33 AM

Mister Spak

" I don't believe in "Psychics, Tarot Cards, Palm readers" what I do believe is what the bible has already stated and what God himself shares with me."

IOW you believe in "Psychics, Tarot Cards, Palm readers" but call it the word of the giant man with a long white beard who lives on clouds.

11/2/2012 6:59:05 AM

Jeff Weskamp

Satan will come like a thief in the night, a wolf in sheep's clothing...a coat of many colors...

Joseph wore the coat of many colors. It had nothing whatsoever to do with Satan.

11/2/2012 7:08:10 AM

Swede

Nice wall-o-text there, Avery.

What does the Bible say about posting drivel on the Internet with a computer? What does it say about Northern America?

11/2/2012 7:15:28 AM

Arctic Knight

Why don't you try reading your Bible. The book is called "Revelation" not "Revelations." If you can't get that simple fact right, why should I listen to anything else you have to say?

11/2/2012 7:40:14 AM

dionysus

Already we are hearing how the Democrats are talking about if your Christian you need to bail now and leave

Which democrats? I haven't heard even one democrat say that. Hell, if you aren't a religious Christian you don't have much of a chance of election in most districts. On the other hand, any politician (especially in more conservative areas) can say that atheists should leave. Hell, George H. W. Bush said that he doesn't consider atheists citizens.

11/2/2012 7:47:26 AM

Thinking Allowed

Jesus also told his followers he would return in their lifetime. He's over 1900 years too late for that one.

11/2/2012 8:12:30 AM

Mayhem

"Revelations also explains that certain events have to take place BEFORE his return"

I KNOW! We have to send out the invitations, then wait for the RSVPs. And you KNOW that half of them won't reply but will come anyway. We have to talk to the caterer and make sure they're bringing enough for the guests as well as any surprise significant others that show up. And we need a clown for the kids, so the adults can get drunk in peace and quiet. Then there's the band, and regardless of what your idiot brother thinks, I don't think that Deicide is a appropriate choice.

11/2/2012 8:17:28 AM

If people would read their bibles...

Trust me man, if that ever actually happened it would't go how you think. If everybody cracked open their holy texts, read every sentence and comprehended their meaning, interpreted all of it for themselves without preconception, they would freak the fuck out from how messed up it all is.

There are so many contradictions in any given religion I'd sooner follow spiritual advice from a herd of lemmings mid-plunge.

Love everyone, even thy enemies one page. Fuck them to death, keep rape-slaves, and dash their babies on rocks the next. Humans were created innocent then set up for patsies, lacking any concept of deceit to defend themselves. Children are alternately inherently innocent and filled with evil from the day they are born.

It is just a mess.

11/2/2012 8:48:14 AM

Anon-e-moose

"First of all.... IF people would read their bibles.... Revelations to be exact, Jesus Christ himself does NOT know himself the hour and date of his return"

And IF 'Jesus Christ himself does NOT know himself the hour and date of his return', as per Matthew 24:36, then your own 'Word of God' itself admits that Jesus isn't part of the so-called 'Trinity': Father, Son & Holy Spook.

Isn't it supposed to be the case that the Trinity are a gestalt 'Group Intelligence', such as the Borg in "Star Trek" or the Nestor in "Battle Beyond the Stars"? What one knows, all know? 'IF' as your 'Word of God' admits, that one part of this 'Trinity' doesn't know what the other two do (and of course, as all you fundies claim, 'Jesus is God'; He Who Must Not Be Named in Canada, I'm looking at you*!), then it kinda completely fucks up everything that your so-called 'doctrine' which is the foundation of your 'beliefs' & 'faith', does it not...?

And 'IF' Jesus isn't God, then - as per the theological self-destruct this sets off - then you, your 'faith, 'belief' & 'Word of God' no less proves that your 'God' doesn't exist; no Babel Fish required. [/Douglas Adams]

Not just proving that Lucifer is actually the Good guy in all of this (his opposition to a tyrannical, sociopathic, capricious, ego-monster of a worse-than Hitler hyper-dictator, with his 'Worship me or DIE!' attitude), but this little plot hole in their supposed 'flawless, perfect Word of God' (or is it a plot hole...?!). Thus, the 'Mystery' of the Bible decoded - merely by reading the Bible cover-to-cover - by the kind of reality-based Atheistic thinking, just as Alan Turing's did at Bletchley Park in WWII which helped destroy another who thought he had the power of life and death over millions. Sometimes I think so much, I scare even myself!

...oh, and 'IF.' [/Spartan Laconic Wit] As in 'IF' Revelation doesn't give exact, precise GPS-confirmable co-ordinates (of where he'll 'appear'), least of all the exact year, exact month, exact day, exact hour, exact minute, exact second, exact nanosecond of when said 'Second Coming' will happen, how do you - and thus what your 'faith' is based on - know IF said 'Second Coming' will happen...?! 'IF' - as per the above theological proof - not even your Jesus - who is supposed to be God himself; one of the three, the 'Trinity', what one knows, all know simultaneously, as on 'omniscient?! [/hyper-paradox]

Just one two-letter word completely annihilates everything you're supposed to 'believe' in (and thus reinforces the more than infinite superiority of Atheism) - as made famous by the ancient Spartans - which you used yourself: IF.

*- If you're reading this, o certain Canadian fundie spam monster, that'll be $10,000 please. >:D

11/2/2012 9:14:38 AM

Sasha

First of all.... IF people would read their bibles....

...they would leave christian churches in droves.

11/2/2012 9:28:13 AM

rubber chicken

If there was an omniscient, omnipresent, ominbenevolent diety, why would he choose you to be his messenger to the world ? A bit up yourself aren't we ?

11/2/2012 10:08:04 AM

"Jesus Christ himself does NOT know himself the hour and date of his return"

If you read the Gospels, you'll find that Jesus knew enough about when he was returning to prophesise that none of his disciples would die before he returned... that was almost 2,000 years ago and his disciples are long dead.

Face it... Jesus either lied or was wrong about it, and what does that do to the integrity of the Bible? (:hint: it means you can't take what it says as gospel... heh)

11/2/2012 10:34:21 AM

SpukiKitty

"First of all.... IF people would read their bibles.... Revelations to be exact..."

I say....

"First of all.... IF fundies would read their bibles.... The 4 Gospels to be exact..."

If they'd pay attention to the 4 Gospels and actually listen to AND HEED what Jesus taught more than that jib jab from the OT, Epistles & Revelation, MAYBE they'll be peaceful, decent human beings for once.

Apart from the 4 Gospels, the whole Bible is B.S. The "stupid factor" in the Gospels is rather low.

As far as Judeo-Christian-anything is concerned, the 4 Gospels & the Gnosticy stuff is better. No literalism, fundyism, bogus prophecy or historical accuracy necessary.

Me, I'm mainly IndoPagan with Taoism & Gnosticism thrown in. I am happy.

11/2/2012 10:34:53 AM

Filin De Blanc

"According to the bible, 2 will be chosen for election but there will also be a public figure that will rise up, then the anti christ."

Left Behind is not actually part of the Biblical canon, you know.

11/2/2012 10:39:00 AM

JohnTheAtheist

Was god there when hurricane Sandy ripped those two boys from their mothers arms and drowned them?

Fuck your god.

11/2/2012 11:10:59 AM

farpadokly

Do you know how long there have been "wars and rumours of wars?" Ever since the Neolithic.

I thought it was Jesus who was supposed to come "like a thief in the night"? But, according to you, he himself doesn't know when his return will be.

I wonder if this guy has ever actually read a word of the Bible. Doesn't sound like it.

11/2/2012 11:43:15 AM

Papabear

"IF people would read their bibles.... Revelations to be exact, Jesus Christ himself does NOT know himself the hour and date of his return,..."

That kind of takes the wind out of the sails for either the idea that Jesus is God and/or that God is omniscient.

"God says, FEAR NOT! For I AM with you always!"

Papabear says "Get the fuc& out of my shower, you creep."

11/2/2012 11:44:49 AM

Mr. Bigglesworth

We all need to be watching and praying and continuing life as God intended.

Well, I would much rather live my life as I intend. I am living in the here and now, and not under the delusion that I will go flying off to some la la fantasy realm someday.

11/2/2012 12:14:45 PM

Snarker

tl;dr didn't miss anything.

11/2/2012 12:52:55 PM