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Quote# 90450

Why soccer is beloved by the dumb and the damned.

The devil’s attacks on goodness and decency take many forms. The common denominator? Disruption, disorder, and “dis” everything. Dante described the workings of the devil as “dis”.

Throughout history, the devil has pushed to destroy every good thing and institution. He has destroyed with divorce, birth control, and abortion. He undermines marriage, prosperity, and all that is good and decent.

Soccer is typical of activities which are made as hurtful as possible. When a child’s head comes in contact with a soccer ball speeding toward it, the brain sloshes within the skull. Delicate bones in the ear undergo stress. Delicate neural connections are broken. Who could be in favor of that?

It would be easy to say: “Let’s just stop letting kids hit soccer balls with their heads.”

That is not done. The devil’s minions do not what that damage to stop. They understand that cumulative brain damage, no matter how minute, reduces the effectiveness of the human brain. Soccer dumbs down everyone involved, especially the smarter kids.

Evil does not like intelligence. Hitting hard soccer balls with their heads makes hundreds of millions of middle-class children far less able to do well than they would have otherwise been. After they are dumbed-down, they are dragged down, unable to solve problems as effectively as they could have if child abusers had not damaged their brains by having hard soccer balls slamming endlessly into their heads.

That’s why soccer is beloved by the dumb and the damned. It seems more popular with Democrats than Republicans, though, on analysis, it is usually Democrats behind the process by which so many Republican children’s minds are weakened.

To many leftists, soccer is a “fairness issue” by which those pesky smart people can be brought to lower levels of achievement and accomplishment. There are lots of reasons why soccer is beloved by the dumb and the damned.

Catholic Fundamentalism, Catholic Fundamentalism 62 Comments [11/3/2012 9:45:05 AM]
Fundie Index: 61
WTF?! || meh
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RW2

If evil doesn't like intelligence you've absolutely nothing to fear.

11/3/2012 9:51:44 AM

Filin De Blanc

I've never known any leftists to exalt stupidity. It's the right that goes "damn you and your big ejumacated words! Jaysus will throw you into Hell for that!"

11/3/2012 9:55:09 AM

Anon

If not satire, does this quote count as a trifecta?

And does this fundie also support getting rid of American-rules football, which is many times more dangerous than real football - even with all of that armor? Boxing? Wrestling? The UFC? Race-car driving? Baseball and basketball?

Sorting by injury rate, I'd personally say that we should stop glorifying / paying lots of money for people punching each other in the head, choking each other out, getting into car crashes, and tackling each other. Boxing, the UFC, and race-car driving are right out. American football is stupid, rugby is borderline. Football, baseball, and basketball are probably okay.

11/3/2012 10:04:19 AM

Justanotheratheist

Oh goodie, Catholics trying to outdo regular brand fundies in the stupid stakes.

11/3/2012 10:27:41 AM

mattiedef

I first thought "popists? In my 21st century?" because football is huge in latin american and these are primarily catholics.

Then I find out they are actually for catholic fundies and im like "you're against most catholics, dipshit"

11/3/2012 10:28:13 AM



The pope's a soccer fan.

11/3/2012 10:33:43 AM

Papabear

OK, so one can get one's brain injured playing sports. That's not news. Patently whatever sport you played did serious damage.

P.S. Religion causes brain-damage, too.

11/3/2012 10:39:19 AM



I played soccer for five years while in grade school. I even had a solid head clunker with an opponent while going for the ball. Today, I have MSEE, BSEE and AAS degrees and hold a senior engineering position in my company.

Yeah, soccer was bad for me as a developing adolescent. Know what was worse? Attending Catholic grade school for eight years with mandatory mass every day of the week. Plus Sundays with the family for good measure.

No wonder I stopped being Catholic the second I turned 18.

11/3/2012 10:46:00 AM

Frostythesnowman

The former pope played football (the sport's correct name) as a goalkeeper. Do you think that such satanic activity lead him to be such an energetic supporter of the rape of children?

11/3/2012 11:06:18 AM

Often Partisan

"Evil does not like intelligence. Hitting hard soccer balls with their heads makes hundreds of millions of middle-class children far less able to do well than they would have otherwise been."

You do realise that football is historically primarily a working-class sport, right?

"as they could have if child abusers had not damaged their brains by having hard soccer balls slamming endlessly into their heads."

Some football teams play it on the ground, you know, Like Barcalona.

"To many leftists, soccer is a “fairness issue” by which those pesky smart people can be brought to lower levels of achievement and accomplishment"

I never knew lefties had an opinion on football as such, and if they do it's probably critising the wage packets of the top players. (Look up what Yaya Toure earns.)

11/3/2012 11:30:21 AM

Ironchew

"After they are dumbed-down, they are dragged down, unable to solve problems as effectively as they could have if child abusers had not damaged their brains..."

Catholic Fundamentalism wins the "Pot calling the kettle black" award.

11/3/2012 11:44:24 AM

Anon-e-moose

The 2010 World Cup in South Africa was won by Spain. A Catholic country.

Before then, your previous pope, John Paul II - before he even entered the priesthood - was a goalkeeper in a football team. Loved watching it on TV, even when he became Pope. I'd say that little factoid in itself is as much as near as dammit a Papal Bull as to his approval of the sport, wouldn't you say eh, Catholic Fundamentalism? And - as you're a Catholic Fundamentalist, you'd agree that the Pope is infallible, whose words are virtually Holy Writ, and can never be questioned. Amirite?!

Enjoy your paradox. And your argument is invalid.

11/3/2012 11:51:41 AM

Amadan

The joke among the Curia was that JPII was ok as a goalie, though he seemed unable to stop anything that came from the right wing.

11/3/2012 11:58:38 AM

anevilmeme

Brilliant Poe!!!

11/3/2012 12:05:47 PM

fishtank

And football is better, amirite?

Wtf dude.

11/3/2012 12:29:49 PM

Old Viking

Yeah, and midget bowling. What about midget bowling?

11/3/2012 12:41:32 PM

Punch

But football makes you tough and strong! It's american!

11/3/2012 1:06:44 PM

UHM

Brilliant parody. Mainly because it has some truth to it, if done frequently and over a long time plays with the head do actually cause some health problems, but still, relative to other sports like American Football and Rugby, risks of longtime damage with soccer are very small. Still, fuckin' brilliant parody.

11/3/2012 1:20:38 PM

checkmate

Good, clean, God fearing, American fun:



Satan worshipping ritual:


11/3/2012 1:51:57 PM

Anon

@UHM:

Are we sure it is a parody? I have found no evidence to support that conclusions, but I didn't look that hard.

And there are real fundies who say things that absurd.

@checkmate:

Which is why I asked what the fundie thinks of American-rules football, as well as boxing and the UFC. It is possible that the fundie is against all sports with more than a certain risk of injury rather than being an inconsistent fool.

It also occurs to me that I left out hockey from my personal list of sports that are too dangerous to be sane. It's as bad or worse as American football.

If people consent to the risks in a match, then we can allow a certain risk of injury (dueling is right out, though). But we shouldn't pay people huge sums of money to get beaten up.

11/3/2012 2:13:42 PM

JB Mason

Someone doesn't know the difference between a soccer ball and a bowling ball.

11/3/2012 2:20:56 PM

shykid

@checkmate: lmfao, +1.

11/3/2012 2:22:48 PM

Swede

I have never played any organized sport if I could get out of it, but still; aren't a baseball and an American football much harder than a European football?

To this leftist, European football is boring and pointless. It's just "oh, well, it's nice when people are happy...".

11/3/2012 3:14:55 PM

Anon

@Swede:

Baseballs are hard, but they have a lot less kinetic energy than an American football lineman or a hockey enforcer, so the potential for injury in baseball is quite a bit lower.

It also helps that there is only one ball to keep track of, and obviously that the hitter and the catcher are both armored.

The rate of concussions is less by at least a factor of six for baseball as compared to American football or for hockey.

11/3/2012 3:25:10 PM

Leighton Buzzard

No, no, no. It's not all football that is demonic and evil. Just the Arsenal.

11/3/2012 3:58:44 PM
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