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#1471009
Pule Thamex
DID YOU KNOW? FUN FACTS ABOUT HEAVEN.
1) Heaven is not presided over by a black man.
2) Heaven's boss is actually an invisible white sodomy expert.
3) Heaven is an unending melodrama performed to the sound of massed harps and organs with the odd trumpet fanfare added for dramatic effect.
4) Time in Heaven plays itself out to a different rhythm. Timewise, everything in Heaven is always just on the cusp of actually happening, any day now, ...er, soon.
5) In Heaven, for the first time ever in the history of the universe, all conservative Christians will be free to say whatever they want, no matter how idiotic or banal it might be.
6) There are special rooms in Heaven where addicts may go to indulge in persecution and even rooms where they may go to be persecuted.
7) There is a special communist area in Heaven where conservative Christians can go in order to practice their traditional spittle flecking.
8) There is no black in Heaven, everything is white.
11/17/2012 5:42:15 PM
#1471024
Seeker Lancer
So McCarthy was right, he just tried to catch the communists too early?
What?
11/17/2012 6:54:29 PM
#1471036
Citizen Justin
Am I reading this wrongly, or does this one think there are conservative Christian communists?
11/17/2012 7:30:43 PM
#1471037
Do you come from the mirror universe?
11/17/2012 7:51:02 PM
#1471042
Oi! Nutter!
You know that if you do not succeed at seceding, you might try giving it a hand job.
11/17/2012 8:20:43 PM
#1471062
Zits
Someone has had a bad batch of LSD me thinks.
11/17/2012 10:40:03 PM
#1471063
TB Tabby
McCarthy was a lazy, do-nothing alcoholic. He only started the witch hunt so people wouldn't notice that. He wasn't really hunting for Communists, just waving around a list he claimed to have compiled. He never let anyone else look at said list, and the amount of names on it fluctuated wildly every time he brought it up.
11/17/2012 10:54:13 PM
#1471087
LDM
You're still free to be an intolerant bigot in this country. It's just that those of us who aren't intolerant bigots are also free to tell you to STFU and leave us alone.
11/18/2012 2:31:36 AM
#1471088
If all you care about is being raptured up to heaven why do you care about what is happening in politics?
11/18/2012 2:39:59 AM
#1471125
Jezebel's Evil Sister
Too bad conservative Christians don't have the right to free speech.
If they did, they'd be able to join with like-minded intolerant bigots and be able to post hateful, idiotic screeds on their forum. That might even give rise to a site where sane people ridicule their posts.
But, nah, that will never happen. Because they are not allowed freedom of speech.
11/18/2012 5:38:27 AM
#1471235
tmarcl
unless you're a conservative, a Christian or worst of all, both in which case you're also an intolerant biggot
It's not that we think Conservative Christians are all intolerant bigots, it's that intolerant bigots in this country have a tendency to also be Conservative Christians...
11/18/2012 8:49:43 AM
#1471296
Thinking Allowed
Secession is illegal. Besides, if those states that wanted to secede were successful, they would be losing a lot of funding and other perks that come with being a part of the nation.
11/18/2012 10:35:31 AM
#1471298
Gimpo Pop-Eyes
It's too late now. It's official. Bible God has turned His back on Rapture Ready in favour of continuing with Barack Obama as the President of the USA. It's now official, Bible God herewith gives equal rights and respect to black men via the public display of His love for Obama.
The persecution of the Rapture Ready site by President Obama, if it did indeed take place as it was predicted to by certain members of Rapture Ready, proves that the rapture will not ever happen, again, because of Bible God's great love for Obama.
Bible God, having been forcibly involved in politics by His ignoble Earthly followers, clearly prefers politicking to rapturing, Obama being His favourite.
11/18/2012 10:37:35 AM
#1471486
Mister Spak
" Watching prophetic events assures me that He is not going to be much longer. "
11/19/2012 6:52:12 AM
#1471508
Doubting Thomas
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wish they'd secede and form their Republic of Jesusland already and take in all the fundies from all across the country. Then we could go about improving the country while they languish in an ultraconservative theocratical dictatorship.
11/19/2012 8:21:14 AM
#1471528
>unless you're a conservative, a Christian or worst of all, both in which case you're also an intolerant biggot
You're not an intolerant bigot because you are a conservative christian. You are a conservative christian who happens to be an intolerant bigot.
11/19/2012 9:12:51 AM
#1471529
JohnTheAtheist
He is coming! May 21, 2012! Oh wait...
11/19/2012 9:14:25 AM
#1472791
Adrian
@Pule Thamex
DID YOU KNOW? FUN FACTS ABOUT HEAVEN.
1) Heaven is not presided over by a black man.
Morgan Freeman may disagree.
11/22/2012 5:09:49 AM
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