Quote# 90993

[re: Jesus being the writer of Epistle to the Hebrews]

There is no other plausible author. Do you suggest any? The author had to be highly proficient in both the Greek language and Hebrew culture and scriptures, and capable of writing or dictating a flawless essay. Only Jesus meets those conditions.

Andy Schlafly, Conservapedia 56 Comments [11/27/2012 4:35:44 AM]
Fundie Index: 65
Submitted By: Night Jaguar

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... so many questions.

One could be: why did no other scripture book note this?

And: first!

11/27/2012 4:38:30 AM


Obviously, because a carpenter from a fly infested shithole in the middle of nowhere is bound to have been literate and multi-linguistic 2000 years ago.

11/27/2012 4:51:09 AM


Jesus writes a ~mean~ essay!

11/27/2012 4:53:53 AM


Uh, no. Koine Greek was the lingua franca of it's day, any reasonably smart person would have been relatively fluent in it in addition to their local language and even the Bible doesn't claim that Jesus was the only smart person who ever lived.

11/27/2012 4:55:26 AM


Since when is Jesus supposed to have spoken Greek?

11/27/2012 5:18:30 AM

Filin De Blanc

The essence of fundie thinking "I can't think of an explanation, therefore it must have been Jesus".

11/27/2012 5:37:59 AM

Tolpuddle Martyr

Jesus-according to the NT a carpenter with no formal education!

"...proficient in both the Greek language and Hebrew culture and scriptures, and capable of writing or dictating a flawless essay", not a carpenter who can't read or bloody write!

11/27/2012 5:44:53 AM



Well, in the Gospel of John, the phrase "You most be born again" is actually a pun that only works in Greek. (Specifically, the word "anothen" can mean both "again" and "from above.")

If you take that story as true, Jesus would have had to be fluent in Greek. That said, that particular story is also counted as evidence that the Gospel of John isn't particularly factual, so...

11/27/2012 6:03:24 AM


I'm not even gonna give the breakdown on why this is stupid...It's Flyguy & the stupid explains itself.

11/27/2012 6:38:34 AM

Mister Spak

Jesus also had a black belt in Karate and was a navy Seal.

11/27/2012 6:52:13 AM


And dozens if not hundreds of scholars alive at the time...

11/27/2012 7:13:04 AM

Doubting Thomas

So... when exactly did Jesus travel to Greece or learn to speak the language? I don't remember that part of the bible.

11/27/2012 7:14:32 AM


You've never heard of Paul of Tarsus Andy?

That's strange for someone who is re-writing the bible.

11/27/2012 7:15:52 AM

I thought Jesus spoke Aramaic.

11/27/2012 7:16:17 AM


"flawless essay"

*laughs hysterically*

Also, given what is said in the bible about the upbringing of Jesus, it is highly unlikely that he would have spoken Greek.

11/27/2012 7:17:12 AM

So does Herod. Or any other Jew with enough money to afford a Roman tutor.

11/27/2012 7:18:22 AM


If Jesus wrote a book there would be no need for any other authors. The gospels, the letters from Paul, etc. would all be useless and there would be an easily distinguishable difference in quality between the books written by Jesus' mere mortal followers and a book written by Jesus himself. I mean, Jesus is supposed to be perfect, right? Why leave ANY of his message in the hands of fallible humans? And why didn't he also write the book in Latin, Chinese, Japanese, Hindi and Arabic too? Could have saved a lot of souls and prevented thousands of years of turmoil in the middle east. Hell, why didn't he write the book in French, German, and English too? That would save us from having to read a fallible human translation and having to determine which translation is the most accurate and would, again, help keep groups of people together rather than tearing them apart.


You're kidding. The whole "born again" movement is based on a bad pun? All the more reason puns should be avoided.

11/27/2012 7:23:36 AM

mad the swine

Titus Flavius Josephus, a Jewish historian, wrote in excellent Greek.

Philo of Alexandria, a Jewish philosopher, also wrote in excellent Greek.

Saul of fucking Tarsus, who took the name Paul after converting from Judaism, and who wrote seven of the books of the New Testament, in, if not excellent, perfectly serviceable Greek...

Need I go on? Andy's thesis is ahistorical bullshit. There were an *enormous* number of Jews - in the Holy Land, in Alexandria, in Rome itself - who met those conditions.

... but then, Andy's a lying sack of shit and we all know it.

11/27/2012 7:35:19 AM

Leighton Buzzard

I see modern studies date the Epistle to CE63 or 64. So, not Jesus, then.

11/27/2012 7:53:22 AM


I still think Andy is The Most Awesome Poe in History.

And yes, I know about all the arguments/evidence suggesting he's for real. But maybe that just means he's really, REALLY good at being a Poe.

11/27/2012 7:58:12 AM


For crying out loud. There were awesome geniuses back then, just as there are now. Only idiots think that people in the past were intrinsically moronic compared to now. True, their cultures didn't have access to the vast accumulation of knowledge we have now, but to believe that no-one in the world back then was capable of learning more than one language, and writing an impressive letter, is just ignorant (and patronising).

11/27/2012 8:06:48 AM


Pure bias isn't enough, you have an idiot to argue this way.

11/27/2012 8:22:41 AM


There would have been many in Jerusalem alone proficient in Greek language and Hebrew culture. Hebrews is far from flawless, but then, your ilk claim the error-ridden Bible to be flawless too.

Just becuase attributing authorship of a Bible book to Jesus gives you a woody, doesn't make it true.

11/27/2012 8:41:18 AM


Jesus of the gaps?

No one else could have written it, therefore Jesus!

Andy has a one track mind, same old tired and illogical argument, just applied to a different topic.

11/27/2012 9:22:52 AM


Only Jesus meets those conditions.

As far as we know, the entire New Testament was written in Greek. It's pretty unlikely that Jesus was the only Jew who knew Greek, if he even knew it (he cried out in Aramaic at his death). As for "writing or dictating a flawless essay", the earliest manuscripts we have are not the originals by any means, and a century or so is plenty of time for intervening editors to have cleaned things up. We know editors have done that with the OT. For example, Noah was told to bring two of each animal (Gen. 6:20). Then later, somebody remembered he was to sacrifice some, so they changed it to seven of the "clean" animals (Gen. 7:2). They did the same sort of thing with English translations. The "horns of the unicorn" became the "horns of unicorns".

11/27/2012 10:14:56 AM

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