Quote# 91100

It's just that everything looks sinful to me now & its hard to live like that. Even the old shows I used to laugh at like "I love Lucy" seem vain and empty...without God. Everything I look at I am reminded that its temporary and passing. It feels like I'm watching everything die. Grief and a heavy heart ya know?

I went to eat lunch at a Mexican Restaurant yesterday w/ my husband (my favorite one) and I looked around at the painted Spanish dancers on the wall with empty laughing faces & felt sick. The rock music made me sick. The margarita my husband insisted on buying me made me sick.

When I go shopping, it makes me sick to look at all the excess - I start thinking about the little swollen bellies in other countries - hungry kids - and I put the purchases back on the shelves and leave.

Am I depressed? losing it? crazy?....or is it God?

Macklynn, Rapture Ready 109 Comments [12/4/2012 4:35:35 AM]
Fundie Index: -25
Submitted By: Amaryllis

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It's depression, sweetheart. Physical symptoms that go along with the loss of interest and sadness you're describing are very common. The good news is if you talk to your doctor about this it can be treated. It may take a little trial and error, because it is rare to get the exact right medicine for you on the first try, but once you find the right one you'll feel much better. More like yourself.

Just don't try to pray it away. No religion cures depression. The care of a good doctor and the right medications help tremenedously, though.

12/4/2012 4:49:07 AM


Rest assured that the medication you'll get will make you sick, too.

12/4/2012 4:58:29 AM

Filin De Blanc

"When I go shopping, it makes me sick to look at all the excess - I start thinking about the little swollen bellies in other countries - hungry kids - and I put the purchases back on the shelves and leave."

Okay, I'm going to give this woman credit for actually giving a damn about starving children instead of adopting the "once they're out of the womb, who cares?" attitude so common among fundies.

12/4/2012 5:02:29 AM


@ Canadia: Not all of it will. It generally takes a few tries to find the right meds, but not every antidepressant is going to cause problems. Cymbalta made me so sick I wanted to die, but Zoloft works well.

12/4/2012 5:06:13 AM

Felix Wilde

Well at least you don't think the starving children are sinners receiving divine punishment. You're not a psycho, but you sound depressed, and the cognitive dissonance required by your image of God is probably a strain. I'd suggest you talk to a psychiatrist a few times before you think about medicating; sometimes an honest chat is more beneficial than psychoactive drugs. Realising those things aren't sinful is probably all you need, but there's no saying how to best get you to that point. Only a medical professional can give you that advice.

Good luck.

@KittyKaboom: I wouldn't be so quick to jump onto the meds bandwagon though, especially not for a short* period of depression. They're expensive, can take a while to yield positive results, and quite possibly aren't necessary here at all. My grandfather's on Zoloft too, and it's been brilliant for his treatment, but medication's not always the best option.

*Assumption on my part, but that's what it sounds like.

12/4/2012 5:11:24 AM

Tolpuddle Martyr

"When I go shopping, it makes me sick to look at all the excess - I start thinking about the little swollen bellies in other countries - hungry kids - and I put the purchases back on the shelves and leave. "

Hey, this one has empathy for poor people. The rest of her rant may be batshit insane but this at least is a good thing!

12/4/2012 5:11:57 AM


I really don't see why this is here. It isn't really fundy. The woman is clearly suffering from depression and I really hope she gets the help she needs.

12/4/2012 5:12:14 AM


Definitely clinical depression. Though you have a point about the little kids. Once you have been treated, you might think about donating to a reputable fund for them.

12/4/2012 5:13:16 AM



Hey, whatever works. If I want to fuck my head up because I'm down, I just get a stiff drink; same empty happiness and it's cheaper.

12/4/2012 5:26:15 AM

Leighton Buzzard

Poor kid. Getting the fuck out of your cult would probably help.

12/4/2012 5:26:42 AM


Depression sounds about right, and you seem to be trying to compensate with directionless indignation to stave of the numbness.

Find some couselling, either professional or from friends that know you well enough that you'll listen when they say things you'd rather not hear. Good luck.

12/4/2012 5:30:52 AM


Embark on charity work, you'll feel better.

12/4/2012 5:37:39 AM


A fundie that actually cares about poor people-it's a start. Now take the next step and actually do something to help them.

12/4/2012 5:41:55 AM


@ Everyone: I advocate the meds because that's what worked for me and that was after years of trying to 'get by' and finding that it wasn't getting better. If it's a case of the 'xmas blues' or other type of temporary depression then of course meds aren't necessary.

My response was mainly due to concern because of what I have experienced and because I know the tendency with fundies is to try to pray whatever is happening away and regard it as a test of faith rather than a medical issue.

Also, I was kind of hoping the person who posted that would find her way here, since I have long since been banned from RR and can't post to her directly there.

Being hellbound doesn't mean I don't care. :o)

@ Canadia: The meds don't give 'empty happiness'. They cause your brain to produce the chemicals it isn't making that help keep you on a more even keel. If they made me happy I'd have been hospitalized for an overdose by now.

12/4/2012 6:02:29 AM


"When I go shopping, it makes me sick to look at all the excess - I start thinking about the little swollen bellies in other countries - hungry kids - and I put the purchases back on the shelves and leave."
I feel the same way (though I can still enjoy other things). My advice would be to actually try to do something and find comfort in something, maybe that's your religion or maybe it's the act of actually helping people. The later would be more practical though.

12/4/2012 6:06:15 AM

Doubting Thomas

Someone needs to talk to her doctor about depression. I mean, seriously. If she doesn't she's heading down a dangerous path. Clinical depression + religion is often a bad combination, just ask Andrea Yates.

I'm firmly convinced that most people on Rapture Ready are depressed. I mean, they all seem to hate life, they hate everything "worldly," they think that the world is just awful and sinful, and they all just can't wait for the entire destruction of the world at which point they'll be whisked away to a better place where they'll finally be happy. It sounds like a huge depression cult.

12/4/2012 6:06:19 AM


I feel like this all the time. But I don't think it has anything to do with God or the Rapture. I think it's merely living in a consumerist society where everything is a commodity.
It's a shame, because there are inklings of a social conscience here, but it's diverted into a reactionary form of Christianity, or rather, right wing politics dressed up as Christianity. If only this woman knew that there were other options than that or nihilism. Because beneath the hope of the Rapture-ites, nihilism always peeps out, since their hope is after all, a hope for destruction. It's an expression in supernatural terms of conservative misanthropy and elitism.
"Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions".

12/4/2012 6:10:57 AM


Am I depressed? losing it? crazy?....or is it God?

Yup, you're losing it.

12/4/2012 6:12:32 AM

Raised by Horses

"I went to eat lunch at a Mexican Restaurant yesterday w/ my husband (my favorite one).."

How many husbands do you have?

Sorry, couldn't resist. But really, this person needs to seek help, and preferably from somewhere more reliable than a bible study club.

12/4/2012 6:27:17 AM


You're depressed. You can easily be helped, and not by a Pastor. See a Dr.

12/4/2012 6:28:00 AM


To begin with, go to the vitamin section and get biotin. Start with twice the recommended dose and eliminate eggs from your diet except for hardboiled ones. Biotin deficiency is a major, and virtually unremarked, source of depression, and eggwhite which is not hard-cooked contains avidin, which destroys biotin. Get counselling. If your state of mind doesn't clear, see an MD psychiatrist, who can prescribe medication. Be prepared to make changes in your life, up to and including changing both your religion and your favorite husband for ones that don't bring you down.

12/4/2012 6:51:34 AM

Mister Spak

Since depression is real but god isn't, I'll bet on depression.

12/4/2012 7:01:44 AM

Itz just dat everythang looks sinful ta mah crazy ass now & itz hard ta live like dat n' like n' like dat yo. Even tha oldschool shows I used ta laugh at like "I ludd Lucy" seem vain n' empty...without Dogg. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Everythang I peep I be reminded dat itz temporary n' passing. It feels like I be watchin everythang die. Grief n' a heavy heart ya know?

I went ta smoke lunch at a Mexican Restaurant yesterdizzle w/ mah homeboy (my straight-up one) n' I looked around all up in tha painted Spanish dizzlaz on tha wall wit empty bustin up faces & felt sick. Da rock noize done cooked up mah crazy ass sick. Da margarita mah homeboy insisted on buyin mah crazy ass done cooked up mah crazy ass sick.

When I go hustlin , it makes mah crazy ass sick ta peep all tha excess - I start thankin bout tha lil swollen bellies up in other ghettos - hungry lil playas - n' I put tha purchases back on tha shelves n' leave.

Am I pissed off, biatch? losin it, biatch? crazy?....or is it Dogg?

12/4/2012 7:05:19 AM


Sometime it just seems that the RR posters are going to pull a "heaven's gate" exit.

12/4/2012 7:16:00 AM

D Laurier

You are deeply depressed.
You are starting to see the evil inherant to your crass materialist culture of consumerism.
You are even growing a conscience, and developing morals and ethics based on reality. This is good.

*Edit* Can anyone get hold of this woman and talk to her?

12/4/2012 7:17:47 AM

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