Quote# 91218

Unicorns exist and look no further than an ancient burial site in North Korea for proof, according to the latest bit of fantastic news to emerge from the secretive dictatorship.

North Korean archaeologists “have recently reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong,” reports the state news outlet, Korean Central News Agency.

“A rectangular rock carved with words ‘Unicorn Lair’ stands in front of the lair. The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392),” the article states.

The Korean Central News Agency has previously reported that its late leader, Kim Jong Il, was born under a double rainbow and once stopped a blizzard.

Korean Central News Agency, Today 51 Comments [12/8/2012 5:35:50 AM]
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Well, that wraps it up for me. I can't wait til I can get one for a pet.

12/8/2012 6:19:04 AM

Unicorns exist n' look no further than a ancient burial joint up in Uptown Korea fo' proof, accordin ta tha sickest fuckin bit of dunkadelic shizzle ta emerge from tha secretizzle dictatorshizzle.

Uptown Korean archaeologistz “have recently reconfirmed a lair of tha unicorn rode by Mack Tongmyong,” reportz tha state shizzle outlet, Korean Central Shit Agency.

“A rectangular rock carved wit lyrics ‘Unicorn Lair’ standz up in front of tha lair. Da carved lyrics is believed ta date back ta tha period of Koryo Ghetto (918-1392),” tha article states.

Da Korean Central Shit Agency has previously reported dat itz late leader, Kim Jong Il, started doin thangs under a thugged-out double rainbow n' once stopped a funky-ass blizzard.

12/8/2012 6:25:08 AM

Filin De Blanc

My little pony, my little pony...

12/8/2012 6:26:54 AM

Bad Wolf

did you ever notice, any time something fantastic happens it is always in Russia, or the remote sections of China, or Bumfuckistan, or, in this case, some undisclosed location in North Korea - a place that is very difficult to enter, much less find this "Lair".
Somehow I get the feeling that any request for pictures, or outside examination by experts will be met with "I'm sorry, but this site is protected as a religious shrine"

12/8/2012 6:41:05 AM

Nomen Nescio

if they can get their populace to believe in unicorns, they might yet convince them that their hellhole of a country isn't a total waste of landmass and effort, too.

12/8/2012 6:53:54 AM


That's it. Shut down The Onion, someone call Stewert and Colbert. Satire is dead.

12/8/2012 6:56:09 AM


This isn't the first time the government of North Korea has reported and preached certifiable bullshit. Give you a few examples:

- Claimed they found modern human fossils over a million years old (and therefor North Korea was the first nation etc, etc)
- Claimed and teached that Kim Il-sung was born on Mt. Paektu as a - I shit you not - half-god.
- Claimed and supported as folk lore that the uncle of Kim Il-sung controls the weather from heaven.

And that's just the bullshit I remember.

12/8/2012 7:07:10 AM

Doubting Thomas

Kim Jong Il also hit a dozen holes-in-one the very first time he ever went golfing.

I really wonder if even the North Korean public actually believes the BS that comes from the KCNA any more? They make Fox News look like a bastion of impartial, factual news reporting.

12/8/2012 7:13:33 AM


I feel sorry for those North Koreans. Do they believe the B.S. the oppressive head honchos feed them? If they do, I feel REALLY sorry for them because their ignorance is something they could not control due to the over-the-top censorship.

As much as the idea of a real life unicorn would be, it's obvious this this is a load of unicorn droppings.

Now, ignorant, backwards people in developed countries...those deserve derision because theirs is willful & they have no excuse.

12/8/2012 7:20:29 AM

@ SpukiKitty

I'd be surprised if they actually believe it. They are just too scared to say anything, leading the megalomaniacs in power to believe their propaganda is working.

12/8/2012 8:07:57 AM


Korean Central News Agency. The fan-fiction site of Asia.

12/8/2012 8:11:42 AM


They can find unicorns, but they can't feed their people.

12/8/2012 9:20:08 AM


But where is Twilight Sparkle ? That is the question...

12/8/2012 9:20:59 AM


Central and Northeast Asia was once the stomping ground of a huge, cursorial Pleistocene rhinoceros, whose single, colossal horn grew from its mid-forehead. Paleontologists think it had a horselike gallop, and either its tradition in folklore or its skeleton might have inspired Eastern unicorn legends. But it died out with the other Pleistocene megafauna, several thousand years before the purported advent of this king, and anyone who even thought of riding one would have had his life foreshortened.

edit: For the curious, it was Elasmotherium

12/8/2012 9:32:43 AM

Fawful has seen God has a vagina on top of his penis

North Korea obviously does that to get a spin on their ego and propaganda.

@UHM Here:

12/8/2012 10:15:13 AM


Oh, North Korea. You're so reliably batshit insane it's just cute.

12/8/2012 11:00:17 AM


North Korea: the most hilarious dictatorship ever.

12/8/2012 11:21:31 AM



12/8/2012 12:20:31 PM

The Crimson Ghost

@ UHM--I seem to recall reading that the masses were also told that Dear Leader didn't poop.

I envy these people their imaginations.

12/8/2012 1:53:55 PM


You know this is actually somewhatsane when compared with other NK propaganda

12/8/2012 2:18:01 PM


Crimson Ghost, it's true. How else could he have been so full of #2?

12/8/2012 2:19:22 PM

Leighton Buzzard

Is this the first piece of Juche fundieism we've had here?

12/8/2012 2:57:37 PM


Ya know Leighton I believe it is. Time to break out the confetti!

12/8/2012 3:00:23 PM


Unicorns exist

Of course unicorns exist!

Look, here's a picture of one. How could we have a picture of one if they didn't exist?

Like, duhh.

12/8/2012 3:40:01 PM


What is it? Superman? An alien? No, it's Dear Leader Kim Jung-Il riding on.... a dragon?

12/8/2012 3:43:28 PM

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