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Quote# 91299

The "7 Seals" are 'beyond Einstein theories' that symbolically lock the "book/scroll" prophesied in the Bible's last book: The Revelation 5:1-10:10. This 74-page booklet is entitled 'There Are No Coincidences - there is synchronism'. The seals/theories are on its cover along with some very symbolic artwork that satisfies the prophecy in the Qur'an 75:6, "When shall be the 'Day of Resurrection'? When the eye is dazzled, and the moon is eclipsed, and the sun and moon are brought together."

The "7 seals"/theories are known as follows including short descriptions...

Seal #1: The Conglomerate of Nonparallel-Universes Theory (Universe Creation Theory)
"In the beginning"... This theory explains what happened before the Big Bang and what will happen after this universe's possible demise billions of years into the future. The Guardin' of Eden story took place c. 4,000 BC through extraterrestrial intervention with the 'God guy' cloning himself to produce Adam, then again to produce Eve. (Humans existed elsewhere & Earth is 4.55 billion-years-old.) The near future should bring confirmation of ETs and their history with global cultures. Advanced technology and wormholes (Einstein-Rosen bridges) should eventually provide interuniversal travel. Note: It appears that this universe creation theory is now accepted by over 50% of astrophysicists.

Brad Watson, Miami , Amazon Christian Forum 60 Comments [12/11/2012 4:38:55 AM]
Fundie Index: 51
WTF?! || meh
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Nomen Nescio

...y'see, when Einstein came up with a theory, he backed it up with actual mathemathics that actually, y'know, worked. THAT was why he was a genius. your theories, now... not so much.

12/11/2012 5:01:22 AM

dylanstrategie

What the fuck is this ?

Why does he have to mention Einstein ? Leave this poor guy alone, he already died with the guilt of inventing nuclear weaponry

12/11/2012 5:07:47 AM

Godlesspanther

Oogle smergloo bubladoop; orgal flipidy zoop-vlib. Gezivix clipedy, noflud blibble. Fedremskid erch newlfro zoorbga (rhetva itfleem) gazimba glerk.

Is that, more or less, what Brad is trying to say?

12/11/2012 5:27:29 AM

Leighton Buzzard

And God=guv, and timecube, and who knows what the fuck else. The intertubes are full of weird ramblings masquerading as theories.

12/11/2012 5:29:52 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

"...The near future should bring confirmation of ETs and their history with global cultures. ..."

So it's just like the Rapture ... any day now ... for 2000+ years and counting ...

12/11/2012 5:34:14 AM

Raised by Horses

NOT

EVEN

WRONG

12/11/2012 5:34:39 AM

Bob

This one is true. ETs are real. And Dec21st is the solar eclipse marking the end of many of earth's cycles and the beginning of a new one: ie human ascension.

12/11/2012 5:39:08 AM

Paler_Face

"In the beginning" is not a theory. It's the start of the cure to insomnia.


It appears that this universe creation theory is now accepted by over 50% of astrophysicists.

I am going to need to see some citations for that.

12/11/2012 5:39:26 AM

Doubting Thomas

And everything you just said is 100% certifiable bullshit.

Actually this post reminds me of the ramblings of an insane person I once knew. He would write long, rambling emails that were full of semi-coherent, intelligent-sounding theories and send them to anyone he knew. They read a lot like this.

12/11/2012 5:42:28 AM

Mister Spak

This is what happens when Sheldon Cooper takes mushrooms and LSD at the same time.

12/11/2012 6:10:39 AM

Reynardine

Seven seals? Let us phocus on something more relevant.

12/11/2012 6:42:30 AM

Tolpuddle Martyr

The seven seals...









...has advanced technology, and wormholes!

Makes as much sense!

12/11/2012 6:58:58 AM

John_in_Oz

It's not beyond Einstein, its anti-relativity, since Einstein demonstrated that synchronicity is contingent upon a particular reference frame.
So go on, do the math.

12/11/2012 7:01:19 AM

Leighton Buzzard

@ Tolpuddle Martyr; Dude, that last one was a sea-lion (Otariidae, not Phocidae). So the Rapture can't happen yet.

12/11/2012 7:05:54 AM

Sheridan

Well, at least he doesn't deny the Big Bang happened.

Other that that...

12/11/2012 7:13:24 AM

Jubba the Mad

Those astrophysicists eh, so gullable!

12/11/2012 7:27:12 AM

Catgirl_Fetish

What in Celestia's name are you blathering about?!

12/11/2012 7:40:43 AM

Horsefeathers

How come pseudoscience always sounds like pseudo-babble?

12/11/2012 7:45:16 AM



I'm pretty sure I've never heard an astrophysicist say anything about aliens cloning themselves to produce earthlings.

12/11/2012 7:45:19 AM

Prager

Trying to wrap your mythology in science does't work.

12/11/2012 7:49:39 AM

UHM

Space Jesus? I'm so confused...

12/11/2012 8:11:31 AM

Giveitaday

It appears that this universe creation theory is now accepted by over 50% of astrophysicists.

Really now? If so then I'm sure you would no problem identifyingjust a small portion of that 50%, say a mere 50 credentialed astrophysists and cite any published work or publically availible source in which they express support of this half assed idea

12/11/2012 8:20:06 AM

Justanotheratheist

This is probably what you would get if you set off a depth charge in a large pot of alphabet soup.

12/11/2012 8:26:51 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

I used to read a lot about synchronicity of the woo-woo kind in the early 70s — back when I was a gullible teeny-bopper. Kinda lost interest (i.e., grew up) since then.

12/11/2012 8:51:50 AM

Anon-e-moose

"The "7 Seals" are 'beyond Einstein theories' that symbolically lock the "book/scroll" prophesied in the Bible's last book: The Revelation 5:1-10:10. This 74-page booklet is entitled 'There Are No Coincidences - there is synchronism'."

...or it could simply refer to these:



[/smartarse]

After all...:

'There is no such thing as Coincidence in this world. There is only Hitsuzen. (Inevitability)'

-Yuuko the Dimensional Witch, "xxxHOLiC" [/CLAMP]

--EDIT--

Blast, Tolpuddle Martyr was in b4 me! Nice one though, and I applaud your smartarsery! b^_^d

12/11/2012 9:00:06 AM
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