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Quote# 9455

If you're suffering from homosexuality you need to know that it doesn't have to stay that way. You can get out. Homosexuality is caused by demonic possession and oppression. To be free of homosexuality you have to get rid of the demons. Some of you probably already suspect that you are afflicted by demons. You hear voices in the night, see strange shadows out of the corners of your eyes, feel odd things when walking about, and many other symptoms. God can free you from these demons right now. If you want to be free from these demons just scream out at the top of your lungs "Get away from me you foul demons!!!!! I command you in the almighty name of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost to leave me alone!!!! Be gone you evil demons!!!! Be gone!!!!!". Do this whenever you feel a demonic presence. If you do this, read scripture regularly and start attending church you'll be surprised at what a drastic turn your life will take.

elia_zothius, Internet Infidels 31 Comments [2/7/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 1
WTF?! || meh
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el maldito

These techniques are especially effective when used in highly populated public areas.

2/7/2006 10:00:57 PM

Blurb

\"you'll be surprised at what a drastic turn your life will take.\"

Ahh, the wonderful fortune; three hots and a cot in a padded room when they cart your ranting ass off to the mental hospital.

2/7/2006 10:08:15 PM

xMinionX

I would give my left nut and every cent I'll ever earn to see one of these people screaming this stuff while driving or taking the subway. :)

2/7/2006 10:10:01 PM

King Spirula

I get the feeling 'elia' has done this more than a few times. Do mental hospitals have internet access?

2/7/2006 10:36:56 PM

David D.G.

I'm neither gay nor crazy, but if I had a choice, I'm sure I'd go with gay.


~David D.G.

Edit: Of course, in that case, I'd prefer to be a lesbian. Just sayin'.


~DDG

2/7/2006 10:41:02 PM

gregfl

Get away from me you fowl christian. I command you to get a real eduction.
Be gone you stupid fundie. Be gone! Be GONE!

checking.....

Dammit, this never works.



2/7/2006 10:47:37 PM

Tindalos

Demons seem to fear overuse of exclamation marks... Handy.

2/7/2006 11:10:56 PM

Crosis

Why don't we try an exorcism on elia?

\"OUT OUT YOU DEMONS OF STUPIDITY!\"

(Apologies to Dogbert.)

2/7/2006 11:42:22 PM

NonHomogenized

\"If you're suffering from homosexuality...\"
...then you're probably doing it wrong.

2/8/2006 12:10:29 AM

ssdexecutor

This guy's got some other gems, such as how the only solution to the Iraqi resistance is to carpet-bomb the entire country, and he emphasized that that included civilians.

2/8/2006 12:58:54 AM

Seomah

I completely agree. I'd get surprised to become a fundie.

2/8/2006 9:18:56 AM

Coffee

I'd rather be gay than a crazy ranting fool.

2/8/2006 1:51:26 PM

Jade

\"If you're suffering from homosexuality...\"

You need to find a new brand of lube. (I know, too easy.)

2/8/2006 3:25:29 PM

TDR

why is volume essential to the casting out of demons? Surely the protection of Christ....

... no, don't answer.

2/8/2006 4:21:23 PM

Aesmael

But wait - there's more!

Not only can God cure your homosexuality, He'll also do your dishes! Clean your house! Walk your dog! And cure your *illnesses!

But I can't afford all this, you say? Not to worry - all it will cost you is your soul. That's right, one soul! Payable in easy weekly payments of for the rest of your life.

Don't wait! Act now! Offer only valid a limited time.

*(non mental)

2/9/2006 3:12:24 AM

Nekhbet

I tried that, I lost several girlfriends that way so I just stopped. Then i tried growing my hair long and wearing dresses, all it accomplished was to make me a femme, I didn't like it. I don't suffer from evil demons, I suffer from evil fundies.

2/9/2006 3:09:36 PM

UberLutheran

Well, I am gay -- but I'm certainly not suffering from it; and I certainly don't feel like I'm \"possessed\" by a \"demon\".

As far as voices in the night -- I've asked the college-age students next door to keep it down, at least after midnight. If elia thinks he/she can expel the demon which makes them noisy until the wee hours of the morning, by all means feel free to have at it.

Note to Coffee: I wish you were gay, too -- but alas, we can't have *everything* we want... ;-)

2/17/2006 1:27:57 AM

Julian


I am content to fuck like a demon - will that do?

2/17/2006 5:48:44 AM

Kadin

A drastic turn...unless you're already facing in the direction of the nearest mental hospital, that is.

2/20/2006 7:36:10 AM

Jack Bauer

Hmmmm....

Suffering from homosexuality?

How about a remedial injection of heterosexuality?

This offer is restricted to lesbians only.

Hot ones.

Ugly ones will just have to suffer their homosexuality.

Sorry.


5/4/2008 5:46:55 AM

Blue Lithium

But I don't suffer from homosexuality -- I love it!!

5/4/2008 10:48:09 PM

Doodlewe

If I saw anyone doing this I would probably die laughing. Then of course go to hell for being gay... *sarcasm*
Lets try this instead, everyone chant "Out, out, you demons of stupidity!!"

5/5/2008 2:59:08 AM

Condor

im gay and i dont feel these things you speak of. perhaps because im sane.

5/10/2008 11:06:45 AM

Feminazi

People don't suffer from homosexuality any more than you would suffer from hetrosexuality.

5/30/2008 4:59:42 AM

Kitourahime

Something I thought I'd say...


6/20/2008 2:08:41 PM
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