It's the eighth figt of the Holy Spirit. If I didn't have God, I wouldn't be able to. Basically, you got to set up 'dates' with God and just sit alone without any noises or distractions, and talk to Him. And LISTEN to Him. God's voice is like a radio station. Sound waves flow through the air. YOU have to be on the right 'station' to perceive these sounds.
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I'm picturing him sitting there all alone and shirtless, twisting his nipples and saying: "WHERE ARE YOU, HOLY SPIRIT? COME IN, HOLY SPIRIT!"
Cute metaphor, if a little simplistic -- and, in my opinion, pointless. But at least this isn't a typical fundie rant.
BTW, FYI, radio is electromagnetic (i.e., light) waves, not sound waves. It's the receiver that converts them back into sound.
~David D.G.
My time on earth in limited, I can't be bothered to listen. God on the other hand is apparently the eternal omnimax, creator of all life and of all we see, the Alpha and the Omega...yet he can't shoot me an email or pick up a phone to check in on me.
Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-d Mo-o-o-o-o-rning Chrii-i-stian L-a-a-a-a-a-nd!!!!
You're listening to WWJD and it's me - the big fella - the double bacon deluxe burger with the works - God - rocking with ya through your day...
So of course - coming up later. I'll go through some of your prayers and teach you the lessons you needed to learn from me turning them down.
After that I'll have to go and save a kitten in a tree and appear on a senile old bat's toast, but don't despair - we'll have some golden oldies comin' your way from Paul of Tarsus.
BUTT (tee hee) coming (tee hee) up (tee hee) right now! Gays. Fags. Poo-punchers. Yanno - when my son said "turn the other cheek - that wasn't what I had in mind people!!!!"
That said - you gotta lay off them. Sure I destroyed Sodom - but a funny thing happened. There was this bet about my omnipotence. Brucie the Silly reckoned I could shoot a gerbil out my arse hard enough to bounce off the firmament. And hey I was really into the public appearances back then... So what's a God to do - keep the people happy. so the next thing you know I'm on my hands and knees with a 4" pipe shoved somewhere. Now I have to admit it wasn't my finest hour - I'd had a week on the turps with Gabrielle and a killer curry to top it all off. And think the guinea pig's going any where? So the crowds getting really restless and Brucie tries to use a flaming torch to see.......
Julian: ROTLMFAO!!! Too good, too good!
"Basically, you got to set up 'dates' with God..."
That bastard stood me up THREE times, and then he showed up drunk one night wanting to "talk," which translated into "awkward, drunken groping followed by five seconds of sex." Now he won't return my phone calls, or answer me on IM. I'm two weeks late, and the bastard sends his friend, some angel or whatever to tell me that I'm going to have his son, but he won't be in the picture and can't support me. Of course I have to tell Joseph, my fiancé and he's going to be so pissed because I told him he had to wait until our wedding night and then I fuck this God guy...
-Mary
Fundiebabble phrase: "you got to set up 'dates' with God'
Translated English phrase: I have no social life.
(Alternate translations: I am single, I cannot get a date if my life depended on it, I am so lonely I have to make up imaginary friends.)
As you can see, given enough noise and powerful amplification, any signal can be found. Also, people can imagine hearing things.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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