Quote# 96600

We had a computer for maybe 10-12 years, and ever since we got it (locally built), it had a strange, loud, extremely annoying beep. The guys who built it could not locate, explain or fix the beep. It didn't do it all the time--it followed no rhyme or reason. It was two-tone, high and low an octave apart, like a European police car siren. It might go on for a minute or two, or an hour or two. It might beep every day, or many times a day, or not for weeks or months. It appeared to have nothing to do with any particular program, the internet, or anything else. It would give you a headache, and drove our company nuts--we'd just have to turn it off. (One asked, "Do you have something in the microwave?" LOL) After many years, another outfit was working on it, and when we asked them about the beep, they could not explain it either, but disabled the part of the computer that made the noise so that we could no longer hear it, even if it was still happening.

Since no one could explain the mystery, I came up with my own explanation: The government has a secret chip they install in all motherboards so that they can listen to us. It's so secret that even the computer manufacturers don't know about it. In our case, the chip malfunctioned, but since it was secret, no one knew it was there, so no one could find or fix it.

Now I see I was probably right.

Now that I know they are there, sometimes when I'm talking on the phone, especially if the conversation is about something that I think may interest them, I tell them hi, that I know they're there, that Jesus loves them, and that I hope they read the Bible because that's where all the answers are.

Jan51, RR 36 Comments [9/18/2013 3:35:30 AM]
Fundie Index: 22
Submitted By: lisa

Username  (Login)
Comment  (Text formatting help) 

1 2 | bottom


It isn't confined to your computer chips. Your potato chips are listening to you, too.

9/18/2013 4:18:24 AM

IT Professional

uummmm.... no.

Possibly overheating. Couldn't answer without looking at the hardware but I am all booked up at the moment.

9/18/2013 4:18:40 AM

Raised by Horses

Or you simply had something plugged in the wrong way, which was drawing your motherboard's ire.

9/18/2013 4:41:09 AM


Since no one could explain the mystery, I came up with my own explanation:

As said by any conspiracy theorist ever.

9/18/2013 4:46:11 AM

Doubting Thomas

Oh brother... computer makes unexplained beeps, so the only explanation is that government is spying on all computer users.

If the government wanted to covertly spy on people via computer, why would it use a secret chip that make computers emit loud, annoying beeps? Especially since the NSA can read all digital comms between computers via the internet anyway?

@Kuno: That is how they operate, isn't it? Any unexplained occurrence = massive government conspiracy. If you can't find an explanation, make one up.

9/18/2013 5:12:46 AM

Let's see: no one can explain this strange beep, so we go to the weirdest explanation possible?

Wow, Occam's razor at work.

My advice: check the cooling fan.

9/18/2013 5:22:36 AM


That's the first thing your mind jumps to?

9/18/2013 6:04:02 AM

Dr. Razark

I don't know how stuff works, so I make shit up.

s/conspiracy theorist/religious founder

9/18/2013 6:59:23 AM


The government wants to listen to me burping in between gulps of Red Bull and occasionally chuckling as I watch old episodes of 'Keeping Up Appearances' on YouTube? Fine by me.

9/18/2013 7:11:06 AM


I realized that one small correction is needed:

Since no one could explain the mystery the thing in question simple enough that I can understand it, I came up with my own explanation:

There, all better now.

9/18/2013 7:25:03 AM


I'm sorry, but the theory isn't the weird part of the story. The weird part is that he apparently had the same computer for ten years.

9/18/2013 8:02:53 AM


So pretty much, 10 year old computers get weird beeps. As much as I hate to say it, computers age like milk, and home/hobbyist built ones can come with some weird errors.

Yes, the NSA does monitor internet traffic, but they don't do it via chips. You don't need to install a whole IC just to run a monitoring program.

9/18/2013 8:07:04 AM

Often Partisan

I thought he would've gone for a motherboard possession, being as this is RR...

9/18/2013 8:35:01 AM



Well, he did say that it was at his business. Those guys have a tendency to hold on to equipment until it completely stops working, just so that they can save a bit of money.

9/18/2013 9:08:52 AM

And you couldn't just open it up and disconnect the speaker for what reason?

If you're paranoid about big brother monitoring you, you better get rid of your cell phone. In terms of monitoring devices, they're the best possible big brother could hope for. They have a camera, microphone, audio and video recording capabilities, GPS location capability, and run lots of apps, including those that people put their entire lives into, such as calendars, bank/financial information, social contacts, email, texts, etc. They also take them everywhere they go. I can't imagine a more perfect type of monitoring device, and people are willfully buying them, carrying them everywhere, and doing everything with them.

If you have any doubts that they could be listening and watching, have a read through this:


9/18/2013 9:24:49 AM


That's just silly, Jan. I mean, why would the government need a chip to spy on you?

9/18/2013 10:01:57 AM

My car's been making an intermittent noise that two mechanics can't figure out. I'd better start watching what I say when I'm around it.

9/18/2013 2:20:20 PM


Something was mounted to the motherboard improperly which was making it spazz out or the processor was bad. The fact that neither the builders of the computer ((Who sound pretty shoddy to me)) nor the repair guys you called in could figure it out speaks volumes about how terrible they were at their jobs.

I once had a computer that had gotten some kind of virus, all it had done was move all of my drivers to the temporary documents folder and delete the System32 folder. Thank goodness I had the temp documents folder set to not periodically delete files or the computer would've been bricked.

9/18/2013 2:32:36 PM


Motherboards have system beeps that indicate certain problems. It will give a certain beep pattern for things like misplaced RAM or a dead CMOS battery. Your MB was just malfunctioning and I highly doubt that any skilled technician was unable to find the problem.

It would be virtually impossible to hide a chip that communicates (phones home) in that way in every computer.

So when you are talking to your computer you are just talking to yourself. Just as you do when you pray.

9/18/2013 6:08:05 PM




9/18/2013 6:09:10 PM

Mike Litoris

Thanks for sending me a pic of your computer. After careful study, I have determined you issue to be a bent Schmeeter rod, and your Fitzer valve has some corrosion.

9/18/2013 8:45:47 PM

Doubting Thomas

If the computer's 10 or 12 years old, I'm guessing the beep is likely caused by a dead CMOS battery. Those things don't last forever, and in old computers if they're not working they tend to throw up error messages and beeps.

My question is why would anyone want to listen to a beeping computer for hours at a time for 10 years? Throw that thing out and get a new one. Nobody uses Windows 98 any more.


More like:

9/19/2013 5:42:05 AM

Yeah, the government designed a secret chip that beeps to let you know when it has an error. Makes perfect sense.

9/19/2013 6:00:22 AM


Hmm. Too dumb to fix or get fixed an annoying beep in your computer. Conclusion - the government is listening in on your life. Good thinking, Jan.

Did you ever ask yourself why the govenment would give a big, rat's a$$ about what you, patently a retard, might say?

9/19/2013 10:36:27 AM


But cow chips are the worst!

9/19/2013 1:34:38 PM

1 2 | top: comments page