Long story short: my friend accidentally captured a friendly entity in a black tourmaline crystal and he wants to free it. The crystal was lost somewhere and it could be anywhere right now.. Does anyone know how to free an entity from a crystal that is not even with you anymore? I really appreciate the advice.
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WTF is a "friendly entity," as used in this sense? And WTF is a "tourmaline crystal," black, pink, muave, or lavender? (As used in this sense.)
Tourmaline is "A complex crystalline silicate containing aluminum, boron, and other elements, used in electronic instrumentation and, especially in its green, clear, and blue varieties, as a gemstone."
Other than the fact that tourmaline exists, the rest of this gut's question sounds like a concept for a fantasy novel or a D&D campaign.
Okay, here's what you'll need:
a white table cloth
3 red candles
about a 50 oz. bag of paisley
a bowl of luke warm water
a coffee table
Place the tablecloth over the coffee table, and scatter the paisley across table cloth. Set the bowl of warm water in the center of the table cloth and light the 3 candles so that it forms an equilateral triangle around the bowl. Sit in front of the bowl (preferably in a lotus position). Put both hands in the water, cup some up, splash it on your face, stop smoking the crack, and get a life.
hold A and B at the same time, then tap left, left, up, up, down right left. If you did it right, you'll hear a little chime and the entity will be free. Also, you can now transform into Super Sonic.
I don't see this as "fundie" per se (in the sense of dogmatic, inflexible, etc), but more "naive tardery." Perhaps there should be another website for new-age silliness? That would be fun.
Step 1. Get some lubricant of some form or other.
Step 2. Stick it up the ring that rules them all, and in the darkness binds them.
Step 3. When all things come to pass, send it round the bend on an epic journey.
Long story short: my friend accidentally captured a friendly entity in a black tourmaline crystal and he wants to free it.
That is the BEST use of "Long Story Short" I have ever heard. EVER. If this guy wasn't batshit insane, I'd shake his hand.
Abracadabra, Abracadab
Abracada, Abracad
Abraca, Abrac, Abra, Ab
________________________Ambrose Bierce, to the rescue!
You need to fast and purify yourself for seven full days, then gather together the correct robes, amulets, unguents and assistants.
Gather in a previously consecrated space and draw the appropriate sigils and charms, paying particular attention to the nine cardinal points.
Begin the invocation, ensuring that the correct pitch and timbre is maintained at all times -THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT -
At the appropriate moment, you must open yourself to the leading acolyte allowing yourself to become the receiving vessel for the life force fluids which should then be deposited in the waiting goblet and swiftly drunk by all attending.
The object of your desire will then be found down the back of the sofa.
Check the Pokemon forums, they seem to be good at getting captured entities to be friendly towards them when freed.
Alternatively, hire a high-level caster to use remove curse . If that doesn't work, try using wish , but it will really cost you a lot.
It's very simple, I've been doing exactly that for centuries. For a foolproof solution, please send me US $1,000,000 in small, unmarked bills, and I'll forward the solution along. Once I confirm reciept of sufficient funds, I'll send it by way of ultra-secure highly-encrypted text via US mail. I'm not going to send it via email, because someone might steal it during transfer. When you then confirm receipt via codes enclosed with the text file, I'll forward you the top-secret decryption key, also via US Mail. This decryption key may only be correctly processed during the next Transit of Venus. Please note, any attempt to use the decryption code prior to the next Transit of Venus will result in complete invalidation of the key and forfeiture of all funds.
Try this one !!!
Como Caçar Sacis (How to Hunt Sacis)
Você vai presizar desses objetos:
1 garafa de vidro (a bottle made of glass)
1 rolha (a cork)
1 peneira com uma cruz em cima (a straw sievin with a croos mark over it).
1 oculos (glasses)
1 bolsa (a bag)
Procedimento
Você coloca os oculos para proteger os olhos no redemoinho pega os objetos coloca na bolsa, Quando chegar no meio do redemoinho pege a peneira e coloque na cabeça dele ele vai diminuir, pege ele e coloque dento da garafa tampe com a rolha, que deve ter uma marca de cruz em cima.
E diga as seguintes palavras Saci malvado vai ficar dentro da garrafa igual um palhaço. E faça o que quiser com ele.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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