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Quote# 9704

The home of James[Elijah's real name is James], his wife, and son, is Nashville, Tennessee, at the time of this writing. Other than sharing the blessings of Life, this family must cope with daily challenges that keep their struggle for survival on Planet Earth interesting.

Recent Message Example:
"In my compassion, and unending love for creation, earthly time was extended for my wayward children, long before Hitler rose to power; long before Israel once again became a nation; long before America turned against me, and long before the mighty kings of the east united in secrecy to conquer Jerusalem. Now in grief, time will be shortened, giving Satan's church of Philadelphia, freedom to do mischief. My hand of protection has been taken back, away from those who rebel against me. And even though my heart is heavy when hate is shown by adversaries against my children, there will be no more warnings given. Each soul shall rise or fall according to what has already been promised in centuries past," ...thus sayeth the LORD.

Elijah, Music City Revival 19 Comments [2/21/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 3
WTF?! || meh
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Talisman

I tried to make sense of that but I just couldn't. Maybe I need to dig out my secret decoder ring and give it another shot.

2/21/2006 4:34:19 PM

Jeremy

I don't know how he worked a Hitler reference into that... but he did.

2/21/2006 5:12:47 PM

David D.G.

Oh, good grief, he's BREEDING? I don't know what's scarier -- the prospect of Elijah having kids and raising them in his particular brand of insanity, or the fact that he found a woman already sufficiently disturbed with whom to have them.


~David D.G.

2/21/2006 5:12:58 PM

Nekhbet

Before my decoder ring melted I got: Satan and Hitler married and relocated from Jerusalem to Philadelphia where they foundered (sic) the 'Church of Mischief in Secrecy' or else it was something totally silly.

2/21/2006 5:56:19 PM

Manibeaux

Wuzza wuzza wuh?

2/21/2006 7:41:37 PM

Coffee

Sounds like God's unending love for creation kind of fizzled out. Probably about the time Elijah started channeling His messages like a whack version of Madame Cleo.

2/21/2006 8:53:37 PM

Joe

Fundamentalists are insane.

2/21/2006 8:54:26 PM

ryan

I submitted this. The whole post was way too long to submit, but essentially it breaks down into this. Elijah is writting a book and looking for representation/publishers.

I included the second part because I wasn't sure the first part was FSTDT worthy on its own. But the main point of this was \"holy shit Elijah's married\", \"and he's procreated\".

ps. Elijah isn't very careful with personal info and I was able to find out his phone # through some net snooping. I am seriously tempted to call him.

2/21/2006 9:03:40 PM

Talisman

\"Elijah is writting a book and looking for representation/publishers.\"

I'm sure a psychiatric association would publish his ramblings. I mean, it's not every day you get to study his special brand of insanity so closely.

2/21/2006 10:06:59 PM

Julian


Seriously folks. How is this man allowed to self medicate?

2/21/2006 10:49:28 PM

CousinTed

Just imagine what conversations around the dinner table would be like for that family...

Mrs. Elijah: More gravy dear?
Elijah: Yay pass unto me the juices of the roasted cow, for the mighty prophet has a mighty thirst! A mighty thirst...FOR GRAVY!!!
Mrs. Elijah: You aren't supposed to drink it dear
Elijah: Who are yee to command the Great Prophet Elijah? Though thou art mine most beloved of wives, the woman ho hath borne my offspring from her loins and the most beloved one who pours rich gravy into mine holy mouth, thou cans't not command me. Elijah is slave to no man but...ALMIGHTY GOD!
Mrs. Elijah: That's nice dear...Chad, how was your day?
Lil Elijah (aka Chad): Jeffery pushed me off the swing today, but I got him back by throwing a kickball at his head in gym.
Elijah: Low! And the Great Lord called down unto the earth: Who art these that I do see bickering amongst themselves? Remember the words our Great Lord hath spoken: Do unto others as thou wouldst have them do unto you. Thou must stop thine vengeful ways lest the Lord suffer pestilence and destruction unto us all!
Mrs. Elijah: That's nice dear...Chad, honey could you pass the gravey?
(Chad passes the gravy to Mrs. Elijah but accidently drops the gravy boat. It spills all over the kitchen floor)
Elijah: BEHOLD! It is a sign from God! We must stop our wicked ways lest the gravy of a thousand roasts be spilled! Repent yon sinners for we-
Mrs. Elijah: Oh just shut up and get a mop.

2/21/2006 11:29:55 PM

Joe

Awesome, CousinTed!

2/22/2006 2:05:14 AM

Darwin's Lil' Girl

Correction: Thus sayeth YOU.

12/31/2007 11:01:43 PM

GoFast

I have read this three times and I still don't know what the fuck the ramble is about.
We need a new word for this person: Fucknuttard.

12/31/2007 11:53:43 PM

Ranger Joe

A mighty thirst...FOR GRAVY!!!

You win. Everything.

1/4/2008 3:46:53 PM

TheGodlessWalrus

I don't get it. It's fundie word salad.

7/1/2011 1:37:03 PM

snowjohnson

Get out of Nashville, we have enough crazy asshats here as it is.

2/16/2012 5:07:21 AM

Dr.Shrinker

@ CousinTed

Oh man, I think I pulled something from laughing

2/16/2012 6:58:12 AM

Quantum Mechanic

What?

5/15/2012 7:02:43 AM
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