Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Community Log In
Site/Off-topic discussion thread 2   2016 Fundie of the Year Nominations!

Quote# 9729

[If I were God for a day...]

first I would take my dyslexia away, big one there.... then I would make it so every class I'm in, I get an A+ every time... then I would have famliy guy be on 24/7 on its on channel for all people and be free too..... I would make my self the CO of wal-mart, I've puched carts for them long enough.... get my self a Nissan 350Z Touring, Subaru B9 Tribeca, Infiniti G35, and one more scion XB, and make it so gas would never run out, and be $0.25 a gallon, no FREE GAS, thats better, lol :P, .. but in the end I would just want to see things the way, God does... so I know why things happn the why they do....

I'm nothing with out you, myspace 44 Comments [2/22/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: -6
WTF?! || meh

1 2
Jeremy PC

Rather than eliminate cancer for instance (or all deadly diseases for that matter), or ensure everyone on the planet had food, Mr nothing would just lamely make things better (in his very limited imagination) for himself....no one else gets a look in.

World peace...nah, A+ every time is way more important than that.

2/22/2006 9:59:54 AM


Oh come on now people. It's not as if God has eliminated cancer or ensured world peace. \"I'm nothing without you\" is a shoe-in for the job.

2/22/2006 10:23:00 AM


Fuck you I'm Nothing with out you,
you have just doomed us all. With a limitless supply of free gas no one is going to conserve and now global warming is going to kill us all.

You were only God for a day all you had to do was follow his lead and do nothing, but no, you were so smart. Now we are all fcuking dead. dick

ps You have quite a shit taste in cars. Your God and your going to get a Subaru Tribeca and a Scion? The 350z and the G35 are cool, but not for God. Come on live a little.

2/22/2006 10:35:05 AM


I like how he would first take away _his_ dyslexia. Not \"fix every dyslexic\", not \"give researchers a dependable treatment for dyslexia\", not even \"provide an important insight into the nature of dyslexia\". Nope, it'd just be for him.

Oh, and I second ryan's comments. If you were somehow hired to be a nuclear technician but didn't know anything about the job, you're best bet would be to touch nothing--you might not be helping, but at least you're not hurting things. Well, that advice is even more important when it comes to taking over for God, and yet here's Mr. Nothing, ready to provide us a limitless supply of gas. Granted, it'd be our own greed which dooms us, but I'd appreciate it if God didn't help us along _that_ path with His fucking sports cars.

2/22/2006 10:45:56 AM


It would indeed take miracles for this guy to get A+s every time..

2/22/2006 1:09:15 PM


Maybe he's been punching those carts with his cranium.

2/22/2006 1:11:32 PM

David D.G.

This poster should have limited his username to the first two words. That is the most godawful brazen display of selfishness (and without doubt THE MOST limited imagination) I've ever seen in someone more than 3 years old.

~David D.G.

2/22/2006 3:29:08 PM


Notice how he'd take away his dyslexia, but would not cure his mild retardation.

First I'd develop incontravertible proof of myself. None of this piddly ID crap, I mean giant letter made of lightning above every nation in their appropriate languages spelling out \"Hey there, this is God, the most accurate religion is -------, the meaning of life is ------ and after you die you get to ------- with ------- unless you -------. Now cut out the holy wars and crap or I'll blast you.\" Then I'd create a few new species for fun and rearrange inconvenient geography. Adequate living (food, water, basic shelter) would be free everywhere, but the stuff you work for would really be worth it and work that helps the largest number of people would have the highest payoff of all. No more praying, just point to the sky and wink every once in a while and that'll be our thing. The really big churches, mosques and temples can stay, but they'd be converted into art galleries, archives, casinos, tourist attractions and amusement parks, as is appropriate to all outdated religions. FSTDT would be a ride so everyone could laugh together at the ironic foibles of their previous religious beliefs, then get really good lemonade and funnel cakes. Then I'd arrange it so that anytime a major political, religious, media or business leader lied their pants (or frock, or toga, or whatever) would LITERALLY catch fire. Then I'd hit the talk show circuit Conan (not Jay), Letterman, Maher maybe Stern and possibly Franken and Hannity (to demonstrate the new pants-on-fire policy).

2/22/2006 4:17:25 PM


If this guy became God for a day he'd smite himself because of his own stupidity.

2/22/2006 4:54:05 PM


Seems like this person would make a very selfish god. Oh wait. Also, does anyone really think God watches \"Family Guy?\"

2/22/2006 5:17:09 PM


If I were God for a day, I'd stop the Earth's rotation, and begin reforms with unlimited time! :)

I'd never say I exist, but when the miracles start pouring down, most people would conclude it. End to oppressive governments would be the first thing on the agenda, then world peace, then end to poverty, unlimited resources, and the like. I'd tweak human nature to remove the aggressive instincts, likely end disease, (bacteria have a very low priority), and just before restarting the Earth, I'd create a lot of new species, a lot of new planets, and a few devine laws for my personal amusement. I'd also make a teleporter, a faster than light spaceship, and a highly advanced computer, but only for me. Hey, I'm selfish, and being God won't change that! It's not like I haven't helped anyone!

2/22/2006 5:26:27 PM

King Spirula

Well, if this is his idea of what god is like it proves what I've always suspected,that god is a selfish prick.

2/22/2006 6:25:59 PM


Not just a selfish god but mundane and unambitious too. Most of his \"divine\" acts can be achieved with hard work.

\"first I would take my dyslexia away, big one there...\"

Having suffered from severe dyslexia in my youth (and the occasional bout now and then) I know that dyslexia can be overcome. Find a dyslexia clinic of support program, do your exercises every day and read more. Eventually dyslexia will become a non-problem.

\"then I would make it so every class I'm in, I get an A+ every time...\"

Once you have the dyslexia licked study study study.

\"...then I would have famliy guy be on 24/7 on its on channel for all people and be free too.\"

There's only what? 3, 4 season of Family Guy? Networks usually buy shows in blocks of 26. That means there's, at most 104 episodes. Family Guy is a half hour show do that's 52 hours of programming (with commercials). If anyone's watching that channel after a week, THAT will be a miracle. A divine angle would be to spontaneously produce an infinite number of Family Guy episodes that DON'T feel stale.

Otherwise, just buy the DVDs and tape the new shows.

\"I would make my self the CO of wal-mart, I've puched carts for them long enough....\"

If you're getting all A+'s I'm sure you can get into law school and business school. Then study WalMart's finaces and try for a leverage buyout to attain a majority share.

\"...get my self a Nissan 350Z Touring, Subaru B9 Tribeca, Infiniti G35, and one more scion XB...\"

Fairly mundane cars, a man with degrees in law and business should be able to afford them easily.

\"...and make it so gas would never run out, and be $0.25 a gallon, no FREE GAS, thats better, lol :P...\"

Okay that's a little stupid but FOR ONCE we get a genuinely supernatural act.

\"...but in the end I would just want to see things the way, God does... so I know why things happn the why they do...\"

Bad idea. Once you attain ultimate understanding your first thought would be. \" Walmart? B9 Tribeca? What kind of idiot god am I?\" Then you'd implode yourself and all of existence out of shame over your own stupidity.

2/22/2006 6:34:33 PM


So . . . why would GOD need any of this stuff?

2/22/2006 8:17:46 PM


Kirk: \"What does God need with a Nissan 350Z Touring?\"

<God blasts Kirk with eye beams>

Spock: \"You still have not answered his question.\"

2/22/2006 9:13:20 PM


How about a nomination for the Shallowest God Award?

2/22/2006 10:40:35 PM


And come on the cars he mentioned aren't even that fantastic. This guy has no imagination.

2/22/2006 11:26:31 PM


what a heinous twit.

2/23/2006 9:25:44 PM

David D.G.

I second the \"Shallowest God Award\" nomination.

~David D.G.

2/23/2006 10:29:01 PM

Oolon Coluphid

Ahh... Taking the selfish god route, are we?

If I were a god, I'd make Jews and Muslims have orgasms everytime they even looked at one another.

2/23/2006 11:57:12 PM


ssdexecutor: You just reminded me of this:

2/24/2006 1:49:47 AM


Wow. A MySpace user is better at being God than God himself. I mean, look at this, the real one can't even have any effect on the world whatsoever.

2/24/2006 4:56:30 PM


Is he talking about God or Santa?

2/24/2006 6:34:00 PM


Selfish and frivolous, sure, but not particuarly dangerous. 2'd.

2/1/2008 10:55:27 AM


Selfish little git aren't you? Would you ever get around to thinking about the rest of the world's problems?

2/1/2008 11:03:43 AM
1 2