I am a preacher's daughter who has raised 4 great kids... only something went wrong the day after Christmas. My 21 year old son sat me down to tell me he is gay. This has been the worst week of my life. I have raised all my children in church... I just don't know what went wrong or what I did wrong. He currently attends Saint Louis University (a very liberal university)... and although he says he still loves the Lord and has a personal relationship with Jesus, he says in his opinion... it ok to be a "gay Christian"... What am I suppose to do? I am normally the one who fixes everything... I have a very influential and demanding job... I'm always in control... but this last week, I thought about suicide and I have to take sleeping pills at night to sleep. I can't eat, sleep... I can't even breathe... I feel like I am dieing and I think his death would have been easier on me than walking through this valley. Is there ANY hope?
86 comments
If that's really how you think and feel, then no - there is no hope. You're gonna have to let go of your narrow-minded fundie views. If you'd rather your son was dead than gay, you seriously need to get off the church-wagon.
"Is there ANY hope?"
Your religion tells you it's wrong to be gay so to combat it you seek refuge in a thought which your religion says is even more wrong. Seek professonal help for yourself. Not only so you can work out your negative views, but because they are making you think of committing suicide. That right there tells me that you have a serious problem. Your son is an adult. His life choices are not under your control and should not be affecting you this way. Let go and love him for the same person he has always been when he was keeping part of himself from you and perhaps even himself.
Another case of christ complex. YOU are not being persecuted. Your son is not 'doing this' to piss you off or test you. YOU have problems that YOU need to deal with.
Yes, one, no suicide. Your son is not a monster and I don´t think your father did a good job with you if you don´t understand that you can´t take away life so easily for such a nonsense. And don´t dare to stop pro-euthanasia people, of course. Just remember who Jesus had dinner with and don´t be gullible. Many of them didn´t leave their lifestyle afterwards. If you love your son, tell him your opinion and listen his, just for a while.
You are overreacting. There's nothing that needs to be fixed as nothing is broken. Your son is still your son and he is still a great kid.
"I'm always in control."compassionate
Get therapy, Tina. You're depressed by something that's completely out of your control, so you feel helpless. This is not the end of the world, you only think it is.
BrokenMomTina,
Lady, he's gay. You can't "fix" it. I'm sorry that your belief system makes you feel that your son has suddenly become an evil monster or abomination, but he didn't. You aren't to blame. Your son isn't to blame. Your god isn't to blame. So just take a deep breath, relax, and be glad that he still wants to be a Christian, despite the abuse and discrimination he'll be facing from his own brethren.
Sheesh, control-freak much, BrokenProgenitrix? There is nothing to "fix" in your son. In you, on the other hand....
There's hope, but it's remote and I don't put any money on it being worth holding on to.
Good for the pastor.
Yes sister, there is hope for you yet. Let go of your irrational hatred of gay folk. Let go of your fear of hellfire and damnation. Let go of the idea that your god hates your son. If your god is truly Love, why the fear? Why the need to self-destruct? Let it go sister.
St. Louis University is a liberal school? I grew up in St. Louis, and if I'm not mistaken, it's a Jesuit school!
Yes.
You see, there's a handy little contraption called a 'gun'. Now if you take it-first make sure it has bullets in it!-and put it to your forehead-right in the middle- and pull the trigger, the pain goes away!
Kudos to Rev Jim.
Tina is obviously a type-A who discovered that her "control" is an illusion, and suffers anxiety attacks in consequence.
Po' baby! Awwwww ...
Nobody needs a mother like that. Nobody.
Such is the penalty when you give your life to judgementalism. At least the posters on that thread, even if many of them were very homophobic (and at least one appeared to be in serious denial about being gay), were generally spot-on about maintaining a relationship.
I hope she learns to respect her son's homosexuality as something inherent in him rather than a choice, and I hope she's been able to keep herself together after having such a shakeup. And I hope she learns to open up. She obviously cares a great deal, but has never really been taught to understand tolerance.
Sad that people can be so retarded to feel like that when their child comes out of the closet.
What am I suppose to do? I am normally the one who fixes everything
Try to understand - he's happy, and he's in university, presumably on the road to a good education and a good life. There's nothing for you to "fix".
I feel like I am dieing and I think his death would have been easier on me than walking through this valley.
I was feeling kind of sympathetic for you in your brainwashed bewilderment, right up until that sentence. Indoctrination or not, anyone who could think that is unfit to be a parent.
"What am I suppose to do?"
well, according to Jesus, you are supposed to sell all your things and give all the money to the poor. Until you do that, you should consider teh gays a non-issue, and focus on why you are such a bad Christian yourself that you thought you had a right to save your own money.
He is still the same as he has always been, it's just your mental picture of him that has gotten a serious crack. If you just mend that crack with love, and mold it into a new picture of him, that is closer to reality, you will soon find that this thing is of little importance really. He is your son, he seems well adjusted and is getting an education, and he's corageous; saying that to you can't have been easy for him.
Thou shalt not kill, that is in with the Ten Commandments, the ten most important rules from God. Suicide is killing someone, wishing death on someone is not pious, either. "Don't be gay" is NOT among the Ten Commandments, so that can't have been that important with God.
Yes Tina , there is Hope. God will touch your son, he will bring home a nice christian girl and announce their engagement. Thia will all be a terrible dream. Have faith.
Or get a grip and accept you have a gay son.
your choice.
According to the Bible, being gay is just as forbidden as wearing clothes of mixed fabrics or cooking meat and dairy in the same pots and pans and then eating them together. If you can eat a cheeseburger, then you can have a gay son.
You'd rather have a dead son? Didn't your god say Thou Shalt Not Kill?
“I feel like I am dieing and I think his death would have been easier on me than walking through this valley.”
Because it’s all about you. That’s your problem. To you, your child’s identity is supposed to reflect your ideology, your faith, your image of him.
Worst week of my life? Probably my wife’s miscarrage. Maybe Dad’s death. Or when one of my sons was arrested. Shipmate’s death during a training exercise.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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