FSTDT

"A victim should not have to be accountable.'

If a grown woman goes to bar dressed like a ***, tells a man she wants to go back to his place, has a few drinks while kissing on him and then decides she doesn't want to have sex and he FORCES himself on her.... she was raped. She is also guilty of putting herself into a stupid position in the first place. She should take some accountability for that. She is still a victim, but that doesn't excuse her of lack of some part in the event.

If my 13 year old daughter finds herself alone with a 20 year old man I expect her to take a little accountability for not removing herself from the situation as soon as she feels uncomfortable. If at no point she becomes uncomfortable with the sexual nature of the encounter... is she still ONLY a victim?

I hope your nicer to your daughter when she comes home and says she was raped/molested. I really do.

And I really hope that you are little more outraged at your daughter when she sneaks out with her adult boyfriend to go smoke dope and have sex at his apartment.

Aditch #fundie whattoexpect.com

@ourohana

"A 13 yr old teenager (just barely) should NEVER have a sexual encounter with a 20 yr old man. Regardless, of the circumstances to which only he and that child will ever really know, it should be assumed that she was raped- regardless, she WAS as he's 20 and she 13! And never should it be okay to assume this child was ever at fault. All the while giving him excuse, compassion, and sympathy.
Im truly outraged

I was barely 14 years old when I gave up my virginity to a stranger of 19. I KNOW I was asking for it, because I ASKED for it.

@ChuckNorris

"greed. I lost mine at 14 to an 18 year old. I wanted to do it, and knew full well what I was doing. But in my state, if my mother had found out and wanted him prosecuted, it wouldn't have mattered if I testified that I begged him to sleep with me. He would have been prosecuted, and potentially been put on the registry.
At 14 I may not have been mature enough to be having sex, but I wanted to, and I don't think the guy I slept with should spend the rest of his life being labeled a violent sex offender for having sex with a willing participant."

xactly. Can a 13/14 year old 'technically' consent? I don't think they are truly in the right frame of mind to make a totally educated decision. I know that I have loaded my 13 year old with enough sexual education that she could teach a class on it, but I don't trust her yet to make the decision for herself. I think she needs more time. But if she was to actively engage a man who is 19/20 years old and she convinces him that she does want to have sex than I don't think it makes the man a sexual predator like so many on this list seem to think is an automatic assumption.

@OurOhana

A 13 yr old teenager (just barely) should NEVER have a sexual encounter with a 20 yr old man And never should it be okay to assume this child was ever at fault

I'm telling you that you are wrong. I know from personal experience that young girls can play an active role in encouraging a man to make a poor decision.

"And throwing out the "dressing like ****s" issue. Really?

Have you even been in a junior high recently? I have. Several times. Did you miss the part where I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD? I have SEEN 12 year old girls wearing black eyeliner and wearing high heel sandals. I have SEEN 13 year old girls wearing mini skirts and having their bras showing under their spaghetti strap tank tops. I have SEEN girls who wear shorts so short that when they bend over their panties are showing. I have SEEN girls who wear rips in their jeans that go from crotch to knee. What the hell is wrong with their parents that they think this is OK? Why is the school not sending them home? I was at the track the other day and I WATCHED as a young boy was fondling a girls breasts UNDER her shirt IN PUBLIC! And you seriously think that these girls aren't wanting at the very least to be seen as sexually mature? You need a stiff dose of reality.

"I hate when women automatically give the offender the benefit of doubt. And instead assume that maybe the girl wanted it and is somehow to be held 50/50 responsible'

And I hate it when people automatically assume that the girl didn't. If they aren't trying to be sexual creatures, why are so many of them dressing like slvts?

Boots, Trewmommy, Aditch,jessileigh180 #fundie whattoexpect.com

@Whatwhatyousatinyouk

What would you do if you found out one of your good friends is a sex offender? I'm talking about doing a serious offense? My husband just found out yesterday that his buddy (they've been friends for a few years now, met through another friend and he's become a good friend over that time) is a registered sex offender. he's one of those guys that you would never have guessed on either. Because we have a baby daughter, I had to ask his wife about it. She played it down as if it was a misunderstanding, but basically he raped a 13 year old girl when he was almost 20. I'm sorry but to me, I do not see any misunderstanding, especially because it wasn't deemed statutory, she did NOT consent. Also, he spent a few years in prison. am very uncomfortable with him now, and will never leave our child with them even though they have 2 daughters. I personally feel like we've been lied to this whole friendship (sex offenders are supposed to tell you they are registered and why) and feel that if we didn't find out from the registry, we would have never found out. They just had their second daughter (his wife's first) so our daughters will be within a few weeks of each other in age, but I do not want to leave her there, EVER, which I won't.

(Trewmommy)
I would say if I was already friends with the person and liked hanging out with them then that would not change,
As far as your friend, It could very well be a misunderstanding of some kind. You never know. He was still rather young and she could have been messing with him and either got mad and told her parents or her parents found out. If she was like 8,9,10 or younger then I would be more worried, but at 13 you just never know, esp these days.

(Boots)
Although you say that he was not charged with statutory rape -- that doesn't mean that the sex wasn't actually consensual. The girl was 13. Her parents could have found out that she had sex with your husbands friend and they may have flipped out. She could have lied to avoid the consequences and said that she had no part in it. I'm not saying that's what happened, but situations like that happen all the time. A guy I graduated high school with is in jail right now because he had consensual sex with a 14 year old. He is 26 years old. She didn't claim he raped her, but he is still serving time in jail. IMO it's still disgusting, but it doesn't mean he's a rapist. Excuse me if I missed something and you are 100% positive that he raped the girl.

(
jessileigh180)

Ages 20 and 13 aren't nearly as far apart as they sound. I would expect a 20 year old man and a 13 year old girl to both be immature at those ages. Either could have lied about their age, I know several girls who look significantly older then they are. I'm also still young enough (22) to remember what I was like at 13.n gereral. If the girl had been younger perhaps 9 or 10 I would agree with your fears for his children but at the age of 13 the girl is really a teenager and her body would reflect that. So even if he did rape a girl who was 13 doesn't have to mean he would attack children.

(Aditch)

I'm not sure I understand your extreme reaction to his presence around your baby. What is the link between him assaulting a teenager to sexually touching your infant? I get that you are unnerved and you want to put up guardrails on the relationship. You may even feel that it is better to cut ties all together. Completely normal reactions. But I think it is important to weigh your response with all the potentials. No, a 13 year old girl can't consent. But unless you know for sure that she didn't play an active role than you can't really deem him a violent sexual predator. My 13 year old has girls in her class who wear more make up than me and wear daisy dukes with heels. My daughter has told me that she knows a girl who is sexually active with her boyfriend. She also has another friend who is 5'8" and weighs 175 pounds. These are not 'children'. They are full on menstruating budding women.

expectingmom7 #fundie whattoexpect.com

This is a rather harsh statement! But I have come to realize a few things that have caused me to conclude that atheists in general (not all) have some effing stupid opinions.

Our Earth, the only one known so far to harbor real life forms like us human beings, is also the only one to harbor gravity. Without gravity we would be floating all around space. I do not think this is an accident. We were meant to habitate this earth, and also meant to stay put on this earth, which I think is the reason God implemented the use of Gravity.

All planets are in essence, suspended, in mid air. There is nothing technically holding us up. This is probably caused by magnetic poles. I do not think this is an accident. We also rotate around the sun which provides us with most of our basic needs we have become used to today.

I honestly do not understand how an atheist or non believer can believe that our existence is by chance. We are complex beings living in a compex world. A complex world that has only been explained to us by geinus scientists who have attempted to understand this complexity that surrounds us. Scientists cannot disprove God or any theory pertaining to him. They seek out to determine simple ways of how our existence came to be. EVOLUTION: A ****in flop..Sorry to who believes in this and the science mumbo jumbo that comes along with it.. we did not evolce from a single cell that developed into a million other complex cells that evenutally led us to evolve from apes. If so, I would surely expect apes to be continually evolving.
The Big Bang theory: this is an idiotic opinion and explanation of our existence. How on earth could our existence come to be from some big cosmic belch in the universe that somehow created all of this order? And besides that WHO created the first molecular cell that could cause such a belch? In our society we are generally used to the concept of architecht and constructor. We have nothing in existence that was not built. Why do people insist that our entire existence and universe is based upon a principle of no designer? That is completely idiotic, and this is why I think most atheists are effing idiots!!