QUICK 8-QUESTION TEST
This test is designed to answer 2 questions:
Are you a good person according to God's standards?
And if so, are you good enough to go to heaven?
30 comments
Oh, I just love the no-win situation on question 8. Since they seem to believe failure on any one question rules you out of getting into heaven, that makes the entire test worthless. In logical terms, a page with no questions saying "You fail. Go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect £200" is equivalent to the entire test as it stands.
Then it spoon feeds you the whole "Accept Jesus and get out of hell free card" thing - whoa, I didn't see that coming.
There is no way to make the test come out so that you are worthy of heaven. One of the bible's greatest tricks is assuring that only jebus has the majick golden ticket. No matter how good you think you are you still fall short of the glory of god, or whatever. Geeze, it's like living at home all over again!
"Does the fact that you're headed for Hell concern you?"
This last question really is some kind of icing on the cake. Yeah, Brain, this is so stupid. We are all bound for hell, no way out. And the best thing is, there is no legal way out! If the bible tells us we sinned, because the bible tells us we had another god before GOD (God, I fucking hate this), we automatically break at least two commandments. So what? And even if I had not read my bible (err ... I did not read it), so I am not aware that some psalm tells me that I have broken the 8. commandment, I still lied by saying I had no other gods before GOD.
"The First of the Ten Commandments is "You shall have no other gods before me." That means that we should love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. The Bible tells us that no one has kept this commandment (see Psalm 14:2-3) -- if you said you had, you have also broken the 9th Commandment by lying."
So, there's no way to keep the first commandment, and therefore, no way to pass this test.
Your responses to the test questions are never even looked at. In the "Your score" thing, it doesn't matter what you put, it's going to be the same.
To see this, try checking "no" for #2, #3, and #6
Also try leaving all of them blank.
Then, try going directly to 006.shtml
Looking at the HTML, there is no <form> tag, and no JavaScript, just a link to 005.shtml, which autorefreshes to 006.shtml
@Sgeo
Looking at the HTML, there is no <form> tag, and no JavaScript, just a link to 005.shtml, which autorefreshes to 006.shtml
Actually, this is a perfect metaphor for Christian beliefs; "I don't care what anyone does, it doesn't matter what anyone does. No matter what anyone does, we're all worthless scum who deserve to be tortured."
@ AbyssesLogically shouldn't only Adam and Eve be punished for disobeying God? What did the rest of humanity do to be fundamentally made incapable of entering Paradise?
Christians (even creationists) believe in Lamarckian evolution; Adam and Eve acquired knowledge/a tendency to sin (do Christians even distinguish between the two?), and passed it on to their offspring.
@Fundie FuckwitYou have heard it said, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:28) In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, God says that no adulterers "...shall inherit the kingdom of God.
I'll need some help understanding this.
[Acme Translator is starting up]
Machine translations are imperfect. Single-tired-person translations may be equally flawed. Fundiebabble-to-English translator now engaged.
Translation:
You deserve to be tortured forever because you felt an involuntary emotion that God built into you and made impossible for you to avoid.
@Fundie FuckwitThe First of the Ten Commandments is "You shall have no other gods before me." That means that we should love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. The Bible tells us that no one has kept this commandment (see Psalm 14:2-3) -- if you said you had, you have also broken the 9th Commandment by lying.
Translation:
I don't know you, but I do know that a book written over 2,000 years before you were born accurately describes what you do, and who you like.
Look, Mr. Fuckwit, I understand you believe in "prophecies" and other such bullshit, but you still can't judge other people by what an ancient book says.
Why do you need 8 questions to answer two?
Why can't I answer them myself?
Yes.
No, because I'm a godless heathen who doesn't really support George Bush's policies, believes in protecting the environment, and apparently has some liberal views. I'm almost certainly going to hell.
apYrs
don't need to be good, just accept Jesus as your best friend and personal saviour.
How fucking flawed is that?
Have a blast, sin like buggery and then just before you die accept Jesus. Sorted.
All you have to do is hope you don't have an accident and even then if your last utterance is "Jesus Christ" then that'll probably work!
Alternatively - just enjoy life and
1. Sing like nobody is listening!
2. Dance like nobody is watching!
3. Fuck like you are being filmed!
4. Don't do anything to anyone that you wouldn't like done to yourself!
5. Don't ask anyone to do anything you wouldn't be prepared to do yourself!
6. Help folk that need it!
If there's no god - it will have been fun. IF (big big if) there is a god then fuck him if thats not good enough!
No, I'm not; I've eaten shellfish, I have worn clothes of mixed fabrics, and I have worked on the Sabbath. I have also refrained from stoning gay people.
Guess I've blown my chances for heaven long ago.
Quick 2-question Test:
This test is designed to answer one simple question:
As I haven't killed so much as one person in my life, nor do I want to, ever...:
image
...Is God a good person according to my standards?
And as he isn't he is bad enough to go to Hell. Even Satan is morally superior to your 'God'; your own Bible proves it, no less.
...okay, so that's just one question. But it's sufficient to prove your 'God' isn't worthy of acknowledgement of his existence , never mind belief. And as the above proves that your deity isn't a 'God of unconditional Love', then he is a contradiction to himself, ergo he doesn't exist. Q.E. and D., bitch.
And just one question is better than eight. Especially when it comes to an intellectual Kobayashi Maru test like this. >:D
Guess you're gonna have to change your web address to needanon-e-moose .com then. [/smartarse]
I've got two more.
3) Are God's standards worth adhering to?
4) Why the fuck would you want to go to a place where a homicidal, self-obsessed, own-rule-breaking, genocidal, infanticidal, homophobic, racist, sexist, sadistic, system-rigging rage-aholic expects you to suck his dick and stroke his ego for all of eternity?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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