[Commenting on another theist's slightly different belief in God, one which doesn't require accepting and loving Jesus to be saved]
May I ask you how you can love something that you've never even met, felt or heard? I bet you've never even seen god. How can you love something you don't even know?
20 comments
Oh Their God, will you just look at that...
*dial*
*standard corporate phone support maze*
*insufferable muzak*
...
...
(after an hour or so)
-- Good afternoon, sir. I wish to register a complaint. I was under the impression that your flagship Znieh-3000RLK Analog Irony Meter (with extra industrial-strength overload shutdown trigger, low-pass batshit insanity filter and calibrated dumbfuckery attenuator, I hasten to add) could withstand quite immense amounts of irony.
-- It certainly can. As configured, it is by far our most durable model. Our clients have been quite satisfied with their purchase.
-- Then please explain the supernova that now graces the sky where Venus used to be. You see, my Irony Meter blew a hole in my living room ceiling when it suddenly turned into a rocket and made a beeline for Venus; I don't know where you are, but here in North America, we now have two suns. Pretty darn impressive display. Have you thought of going in the arms business? You'd make a killing with that firepower; just turn it down a notch or two...
-- Hmmmm. Odd. You say it exploded?
-- Yes. It went kablooie the same way the Titanic HAD A TINY SCRATCH.
-- Intriguing failure mode for such an advanced device... Were you by any chance reading fundie discussion groups at the time?
-- As a matter of fact, yes. Why do you ask?
-- You should have read our warranty in its entirety. Fundies are among the groups that regularly generate such massive shitloads of irony that no existing meter can withstand the onslaught, and so we cannot guarantee our products against what company policy considers gross abuse. We're working hard to design fundie-proof equipment, but research is advancing very slowly, chiefly due to research staff casualties. Have a nice day.
@alethe, I understand there's some promise with experiments involving a cryogenic shunt, but pending a material breakthrough, the shunt tends to shed its surface layer in flakes.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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