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Quote# 24532

I was thinking "man my life is just so effed up that i just used this magic marker like four minutes ago and i havent moved from this spot yet and i lost the top to it and now it will dry up. (I was not thinking "effing" but a worse word that i do not want to use here in a Jesus paragraph.) I was literally thinking about this magic marker thinking "boy looks like Jesus did not come to crappyville today im glad i am messing with my magic marker and not my checking account." Then literally a split second later i saw the lost tip to the magic marker and i felt the presence of Jesus.

Laugh if you want to because you think Jesus is not real but i tell you what peeps. Even if you're right about that ill take an imaginery Jesus or even a plastic 99-cent Buddha over what keeps YOUR dumb ass from swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills and YAH bitches i mean your stupid shallow retarded friends. If i had your stupid friends id swallow a bottle of sleeping pills even if i was sitting on Jesus' lap eating cheesy poofs.

fullmetaljackie, Livejournal 41 Comments [5/2/2007 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 2
WTF?! || meh
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Sane

So Jesus cares about your magic marker more than starving children in Africa?

5/2/2007 1:09:57 AM

Goosey

Not old enough to have car keys for Satan to hide?


...wait... I don't have car keys either...

5/2/2007 1:17:15 AM

Rabbit

\"...even if i was sitting on Jesus' lap eating cheesy poofs.\"

I wonder if you could do that down at a mall somewhere...

5/2/2007 1:19:49 AM

szenah

sitting on Jesus' lap eating cheesy poofs.


Sorry, I lost it when I read that.

5/2/2007 1:31:41 AM

John

This person sounds clinically depressed. If a belief in Jesus' help is temporarily keeping him from taking a bottle of pills, then that's a good thing. But he should get help.

5/2/2007 1:37:46 AM

Current

Troll?

5/2/2007 1:50:03 AM

Nitron

I think the guy's a joke.

5/2/2007 1:52:21 AM

anevilmeme

Troll

5/2/2007 2:03:33 AM

Sophie

What in fucks name was that? o.O Seriously, what is this person on about?

Maybe they're high from sniffing the magic markers? :P

5/2/2007 2:09:56 AM

Sandman

Of all the miracles God could choose to demonstrate his power and dominion over reality, he chooses to save you the trouble of replacing a dried-out marker?

That's just moronic.

5/2/2007 2:14:52 AM

√ėyvind

I was thinking \"man my life is just so effed up that i just used this magic marker like four minutes ago and i havent moved from this spot yet and i lost the top to it and now it will dry up.
Oh noez!

I was literally thinking about this magic marker thinking \"boy looks like Jesus did not come to crappyville today im glad i am messing with my magic marker and not my checking account.\" Then literally a split second later i saw the lost tip to the magic marker and i felt the presence of Jesus.


Even if you're right about that ill take an imaginery Jesus or even a plastic 99-cent Buddha over what keeps YOUR dumb ass from swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills and YAH bitches i mean your stupid shallow retarded friends. If i had your stupid friends id swallow a bottle of sleeping pills even if i was sitting on Jesus' lap eating cheesy poofs.
1. What keeps me from swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills is my friends, my dog, my family, my hobbies - in short, my life. I'm really sorry if you have neither of those and hate them enough to prefer death.

2. My friends are not shallow, retarded, or stupid. On the contrary, they're tough, scarred-by-life individuals with more wisdom and experience from life than a bucket-load of idiot fundie children like you. Kindly return with your markers to your cheesy poofs and colouring books.

3. Why do all fundies seem to believe Jesus, of all people, is some divine babysitter giving hugs and lap time?

But yes, reading the post in its entirety, this guy is pretty far down. Heck, he's even farther down than I was, 'cause even lone wolf me had at least a small pack of friends at every point in his life up until the point when he realized other humans weren't so damned stupid after all.

5/2/2007 2:18:46 AM

Osiris

Secular fundie!

5/2/2007 2:27:41 AM

red cat

So, doesn't want to say fuck, but is more than happy to call people bitches, shallow, retarded, stupid etc.

5/2/2007 2:48:23 AM

Madame Scarlet

I don't understand the whole thing about the magic marker.

Also, you don't want to say fuck in a \"Jesus paragraph\" (whatever the fuck that means), but you're okay with saying bitch in a \"Jesus paragraph\"? Or was the second one not a Jesus paragraph?

5/2/2007 3:00:26 AM

vichycycl

I was thinking \"I really must disappoint my god\" and couldn't find the lid to my jerry-can, it's all gonna evaporate right under my nose...

definitely near the edge

5/2/2007 3:10:28 AM

xander07

I think this could be my college adviser. I totally heard his voice when I read that last line. 0_o

5/2/2007 3:39:00 AM

Beccs

\"Wow, I found the magic marker top that I had put down and misplaced that couldn't have gone far because I didn't move. Thank you, Jebus!\"

Get a fucking clue!

5/2/2007 3:49:04 AM

EspadaDelDios

Someone want to translate this to english, or does no one speak fundie?

5/2/2007 5:01:50 AM

Redhunter

So jesus is concerned about your marker drying up but he'd let you sit on his lap and commit suicide?

Dude? WTF?

5/2/2007 5:54:06 AM

Matilde

They don´t believe you for two reasons:
a)Jesus has never appeared since he resurrected, and I don´t think he´s doing a favour to you existing, just because you want to impress people and feel better.
b)An image of a character is only mean to represent it, not to be it himself.
c)If they don´t swallow pills, you're not to interpret their feelings better than them. If you´d swallow pills, it´s your choice, but don't transliterate to feelings in them out of frustration.

5/2/2007 7:44:45 AM

CousinTed

You should seriously quit huffing those markers man, the fumes are making your brain go all loopy.

5/2/2007 7:58:16 AM

Napoleon the Clown

I call troll.

5/2/2007 9:10:44 AM

AWP

Is that you Cartman?

5/2/2007 10:25:22 AM

Coffee

Next time, do us a favor and just eat your damn magic marker. No one wants to read more of your lame drivel.

5/2/2007 1:22:35 PM

Firthy2002

You shouldn't sniff your markers.

5/2/2007 1:38:01 PM
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