[Advertising $9.95 eBook, 'The Demon Dictionary.']
WARNING: Please exercise extreme caution when reading this book. Please do not read the actual demon names out loud. Although, elaborate conjuring rituals are usually required to summon these angels, why risk drawing attention to yourself or your family by speaking their names.
WARNING: In this book I have reproduced the seals which are used to identify each demon. Do not make copies of these, or place them on any objects owned by you or your family. This is a sign to the demon that these objects are his and you don’t want to go there.
WARNING: In some cases I have briefly described how these demons may be summoned. Please do not attempt any of these rituals unless you really mean to summon the demon. I highly recommend you avoid doing this at all costs.
8 Week Money Back Guarantee!
69 comments
Then maybe it would be best not to buy it at all. After all, demons, like car parts, can wait until the day after the guarantee expires.
Wait, so if I am not demonically possessed by the end of 8 weeks, I get my money back? How can I lose?!
(I'm tempted to write and ask if it's possible to summon a demon and exchange my soul for irresistible sexual magnetism. If it is, he's made a sale!)
Quote: Onan the Barbarian:
DRM: Demonic Restrictions Management
The book only allows you to produce each seal only twice. You can redeem a seal if you properly unist... errr... erase it. you cannot draw a seal on more than 2 rooms at a time.
He's giving information and then saying not to use said information. Here's the demons names, but don't say them; here's the seals, but don't use them; here's how to summon the demons, but don't do it. Then why, pray tell, should we spend money on such a useless book? How many idiots do you think would actually buy this book, for things other than shits and giggles? I would say this guy is a huge moron, but if he sells many at all, then he's a genius, however, that would produce many idiots.
This seriously reminds me of the Devil's Dictionary, a satirical dictionary from 1911 by Ambrose Bierce, Still relevant and hilarious today, was recently reprinted I believe. Go buy it.
@anti-nonsense
do it. now.
"In this book I have reproduced the seals which are used to identify each demon. Do not make copies of these, or place them on any objects owned by you or your family. This is a sign to the demon that these objects are his and you don’t want to go there."
So the book is the demons' then.
[WARNING: In this book I have reproduced the seals which are used to identify each demon. Do not make copies of these, or place them on any objects owned by you or your family. This is a sign to the demon that these objects are his and you don’t want to go there.]
So...if I buy the book...it becomes my property...and it has these seals in it...
I can (allegedly) invite demons into my house just by buying your book?
Holy...crap thats possibly the greatest thing ever. Is it bad that when I read
"WARNING: In this book I have reproduced the seals which are used to identify each demon. Do not make copies of these, or place them on any objects owned by you or your family. This is a sign to the demon that these objects are his and you don’t want to go there."
my first thought was "This could be the greatest 'kick me' sign ever."
As this is an eBook, couldn't the demon then just migrate to the internet via the buyers' computer? And, if so, could Giles somehow get rid of him later before the demon builds an android body for himself?
Clearly, the best way to make sure nobody "accidentally" summons any demons is to publish a fucking book listing all of them, with instructions on how to call them .
*sigh*
Why is the majority of 6.7 billion people fucking retarded?
This seriously reminds me of the Devil's Dictionary, a satirical dictionary from 1911 by Ambrose Bierce, Still relevant and hilarious today, was recently reprinted I believe. Go buy it.
I was given a 'definition for the day' Ambrose Bierce calendar a few years back.
I particularly loved his definition of 'RELIGION, n', 'A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable'.
"In this book I have reproduced the seals which are used to identify each demon. Do not make copies of these,"
Wait, but haven't you already done that? So if I was to make copy, wouldn't it be a copy of a copy?
We criticise fundies for accepting what they read and what they are told as truth without questioning it. Yet if anyone who Ls their AO at this gave it a few moments thought, they'd realise it's a ham-fisted attempt at publicity. If you can't get your book banned, at least pretend that it should be banned. How can we fight the mindless acceptance of religion if we mindessly accept anti-religion?
It's genius really, using the bad parts of people's religion and superstition to sell things.
It's like inverse televangelism.
So, let me get this straight, you cannot read the names outloud, cannot reproduce the seals and, you cannot summon them? Yeah, um, what in the world is the point of buying it if that is the case? It's a waste of money! (I doubt anything bad would happen to you if you did these, unless the demons didn't like you or something.)
Do not make copies of these, or place them on any objects owned by you or your family. This is a sign to the demon that these objects are his
For Gawd's sake, don't ever put this book down on top of ANYTHING, or all the demons in the whole book will own it!!!!1!!!!!2@#!!! In fact if you even pick it up, or heaven forfend actually look at the images you will go immediately to helllllll - without your eyes, because the demons will own them.
Leaving aside the absurdity of believing in demons, this sounds like those prohibition-era fruit drinks, "caution, do not follow the steps below as this will cause this product to ferment into alcohol".
"8 Week Money Back Guarantee!"
Who read this and felt tempted to buy the book, pretend to get possessed and ask for a refund? :D
I'm wondering if this is just a reiteration of the first one or two parts of the Lesser Key of Solomon. If so, you can already find descriptions of the demons and their abilities and seals here: http://www.deliriumsrealm.com/
I wouldn't mind calling up Orobas. If his determination to keep his conjurer from being tempted or deceived is anything to go by, we may well have a bona fide GOOD demon here.
Now I want to write a book like this! Does anyone have a good demonic symbol generator? The last time I looked into demonic symbols, I had to conclude pretty much all symbols are demonic, but really strange, obscure symbols would perhaps look more convincing.
Philbert McAdamia: "In fact if you even pick it up, or heaven forfend actually look at the images you will go immediately to helllllll - without your eyes, because the demons will own them."
Indeed. [creepy voice]After all, they say the eyes are the mirror of the soulll... [/creepy voice]
WARNING: Please exercise extreme caution when reading this book. If you open it, a demon will swallow your soul! I'm not kidding! No, seriously! It's not me giggling, it's the demon!
I wonder if this thing sells even in America...
I just laughed so hard that it caused an unfortunate strawberry-juice-plus-nostrils incident.
Marketing win, and yeah, I kind of want it, too. I'm so weak when it comes to lulz.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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