Alright, class, we're studying the history of our country, the United States of AWESOME!
America was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, who quickly went about colonizing it and making allegiances with the friendly locals. As for the not-so-friendly ones, well, they shot first.
(Suspicious 280-year gap) Then in 1773 we decided we didn't like the tea from the English, so we shot them. 3 years later we prematurely, *cough* justifiably declared our independance, leading to 13 more years of bloody warfare. But it's all their fault, because some British soldiers shot some civilians once.
(Suspicious 60+ years gap) After those sixty years of *ahem* not losing any wars, we had a civil war, meaning no matter what happens, we win. In this case, we won, so slavery was abolished and blacks were equal.
(Suspicious gap) Then in 1914, Germany attacked some countries we aren't going to learn about, so we killed them all. In 1941, we were attacked, so we finally got off our asses and saved the people of Europe, who didn't deserve to be saved before for some reason. And we nuked Japan *cough* who definitely *cough* hadn't been negotiating terms of surrender. Then the USSR threatened to nuke us for reasons we won't cover.
(Suspicious gap) So, after another long untaught period of *cough* not losing any wars, we won the Cold War because the USSR collapsed. Which is why America is awesome.
