kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 #wingnut

Montalk(Thomas S. Minderle) #magick #ufo #crackpot #conspiracy

Reality is Myth. Myth is Reality.

Uh…huh…

Has history been altered by time-bending alien artifacts?

No.

Are we caught in a timewar between hyperdimensional forces?

No.

How does this fit into the greater spiritual battle between darkness and light?

I dunno, man, you're the one writing this nonsense, you tell me how your sci-fantasy novel goes.

And what does this mean for our life mission and planetary destiny?

Is this the one where we wait three fucking hours to see the alien, but it turns out to be Jodie Foster's dad?

Explore the answers in this revolutionary synthesis of Gnosticism, Alchemy, Hermeticism, Rosicrucianism, Indo-European Mythology, Biblical Eschatology, UFOlogy, and Quantum Mechanics.

Thanks, but I don't need any more head trauma in my life, I'm good.

Discover:
The Way of the Fool and the true meaning of Gnosis.

Dude, the first one I could teach a Master Class on, and the second…I never did beat the Xenosaga games. Too heady with the lore for my tastes.

How we came to exist in a Fallen realm controlled by Archons.

I keep misreading ‘Archon’ as ‘Archeron,’ you know, those giant prehistoric sea turtles?

The nature of the Demiurge and how it shapes our reality.

Uh…huh…

The occult science behind making the Philosopher‘s Stone.

Hey, if you've got the secret to immortality and infinite wealth, fucking prove it. If you know how to make one, show us and fucking make one.

How Nordic aliens factor into Grail lore and human history.

Spoiler: they don't.

The Great Pyramid as a glowing, rumbling, plasma resonator.

It's made out of fucking limestone, you fucking twit.

How abusing the Ark of the Covenant let in the demon Yahweh.

*Facepalms* Fucking moron.

What Christ is, from a Neoplatonic & Rosicrucian perspective.

I have no idea what half of those words even mean, and I bet neither do you.

Mythology that encodes ET technology and hyper-history.

Oh good, I was hoping to see some Chariots of the Gods sprinkled into this deleted chapter from a mescaline-inspired Harry Potter fanfic.

Cyclical cataclysms and the coming dissolution of linear time.

So what, cause would follow effect instead of the other way around? I'd burn my fingers before I touch the hot stove, stuff like that? You are aware that time isn't actually a tangible thing, right? We measure it and conceptualize it, but outside of it's affects on matter, it's not really a thing.

What these epic puzzle pieces reveal about our greater purpose.

My greater purpose is to finish a project I've been working on for eighteen fucking years, and then die. There's no puzzle there, clown.

This profound exegesis of forbidden knowledge will completely blow your mind!

How did you come by this forbidden knowledge? Who gave it to you, who helped you understand it, who confirmed it's veracity and do you trust those sources?

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #fundie #wingnut

They are burning Christians at the stake.

Oh kindly shut the hickory-smoked fuck up, Wayne; they are fucking not burning you nonces at the fucking stake, you whiny bitchboy. What is happening, is society has realized that there are other people with voices and opinions and a desire to be heard and seen and exist, and the spotlight of society has been expanded to include these people. Being the gaggle of narcissistic prima donnas your ilk are, sharing this spotlight only feels like you're being oppressed. How dare others think they matter as much as you, you pwecious widdle treasure of the cosmos?

2nd Smartest Guy in the World #wingnut #conspiracy

2nd Smartest Guy in the World

Alas, the world in question is not Earth, but rather the planet Spengo, where everyone is an idiot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mom_and_Dad_Save_the_World

Tomi Lahren #homophobia

Okay, I went and read through the comments and honestly had a laugh-out-loud chuckle at the Willy Wonka meme.

image

Michael Sterling #crackpot #fundie #sexist

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a (self) righteous man to find the fucking clit.

Valentina Gomez #homophobia #wingnut

Y'know, Missouri, August 6th also happens to be my birthday (yes, ’tis true, I am in truth, M. Night Shyamalan. What a twist!)
Not voting for this schoolyard-level wit would be an amazing birthday gift to me, if you'd kindly.

Neogrendizer #conspiracy #crackpot

Is he being ‘sarcastic’ when he starts a ramble, realizes he didn't put enough points into his Speech or Intelligence skills, and tapers off mid-syllable? Trump didn't endorse a cannibal, he didn't say, “I heartily support Doctor Lector and his efforts to eat fried brains,’ he forgot the difference between reality and fiction, claimed Lector was both real and dead, and was spouting all of this stupidity in the middle of a speech that had nothing to do with movies, cannibals, Anthony Hopkins or doctors. He started talking about one thing, his brain jumped the rails into another thought, and his mouth kept on going like nothing had happened.

And once would have been funny. But at this point, I can set my clock to Donald Demento deciding that, instead of a speech about why paying hush money to porn stars is a pillar of American democracy and how shoving Christmas lights up your ass will cure the hiccups, he's going to waste thirty minutes of your time and his dwindling lifespan extolling the accomplishments of Ming the Merciless.

Buddha via Erena Velazquez #magick #ufo #crackpot

*Sigh!*

Why can't these fucking idiots do their fucking research?

Buddha achieved enlightenment ‘neath the Bodhi tree after resisting the temptations of Mara, and reached Nirvana, the exalted state of nonexistence. His ego, his soul, his mind, everything that marked him as an individual, was dissolved into nothingness as he became one with the universe.

Which means, Elena, that there is nothing left of him to come back and channel through you.

For once, Elena, before you begin smoking the bath salts and pretending you’re William Taft or some shit, try googling the people you're impersonating. Do that, and it might take longer than the time spent remembering a Keanu Reeves movie I watched in high school world religion class back in 1997 to debunk your bullshit.

various commenters #transphobia

Donald Trump Jr. #conspiracy #wingnut

Oh Vito, nobody thinks you have the chutzpah or manual dexterity to self-terminate. No, when they find your sausage casing of a corpse, it'll be riddled with holes because you tried to “Donald Trump” your debts with the drug cartels.

Rev. Joel Webbon #fundie #wingnut #elitist

“People are exercising their free will and not making the choices I want them to make! How can we use the law to make them stop that!”

John Lennon via Erena Velazquez #magick #ufo #wingnut #conspiracy

Elena, not to put too fine a point on this, but all I am saying is, give sanity a chance.

New Hampshire State Rep. Jess Edwards (R) #sexist #forced-birth

@shy #196796

I was just going to say, “anyone who opposes a child marriage ban needs to have their hard drive and search history checked the fuck out.”

It's in the fucking name, for fuck's actual sake: child marriage. Not “young person,” not “young adult” or “teenager.”

Fucking C.
Fucking H.
Fucking I.
Fucking L.
Fucking D.

Clif High #crackpot #magick #quack #conspiracy

And on today's very special episode of “This Is Not How Reality Works,” with special guest star, Clif High (As A Kite).

Dr. Michael Salla/Dr. Anton Anfalov #crackpot #ufo #conspiracy

the early 1940s, Nazi Germany discovered a network of ancient tunnels around the world,

No they didn't.

I know, I know, I'm forgoing my usual smartassery, but I'm fucking tired; these lunatics are exhausting. So instead of snark and mockery…

No. No they did not. The Nazis did not find ancient tunnels, they did not develop flying saucers. There is no Fourth Reich, aliens are not helping them, psychics are not real. None of that is a thing. Some asshole wrote a book about all this bullshit to draw in the reality-adverse and the psychologically disconnected, and it worked like a fucking charm because we have a fucking collection of their insanity posted here on this very site.

But it isn't. Fucking. Real.

It must be fun to be able to shut off reality at the drop of a hat when it gets too hard, or when you feel the overwhelming need to play superhero, tilting at the windmills of some nebulous cadre of conspiratorial foemen. But as much as I enjoy escapism, reality is still going to be there waiting for you hallucinations and pretend time to end, and if you're not ready to deal with mortgage payments and the collapse of the ecosystem and shit like that, reality if going to take the +3 Whiffle Bat of Consequences right to your sensitive bits.

The Armchair Prophet #wingnut #racist #quack #fundie #conspiracy

“And then when none of this bullshit happens, the Nefarious Council of Calamitous Intent, who I should point out is too stupid to go off-script when we Armchair Psychics reveal all their naughtiness, will totally go off-script to make us look crazy! We’re not crazy, we're just fighting real-life supervillains who all studied speed chess under Grand Master David Xanatos!”

The Why Files #conspiracy #ufo

Sounds like an intriguing audio drama podcast, I wish you the best of luck entertaining your audience with this obviously fictional concept.

I mean, either that, or you're out of your fucking mind, right?

Alexandra Bruce/Daniel Liszt #crackpot #ufo #magick #conspiracy

Instead of fluoride, maybe we should dose the drinking water with chlorpromazine? We might see a noticeable downtick in the number of face-chewing nutters out there, finally.

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #wingnut

Herman Cain.
Meat Loaf.
Sonny Chiba.

I think I found three people who, if they had the chance, would at least reconsider their anti-vaccine stance. On top of the million or so who died before the vaccine was rolled out because a certain someone couldn't be arsed to swallow his considerable ego long enough to listen to an actual fucking doctor.

notsofreshfeeling, BondiBlue & BlackCirce #transphobia #enbyphobia

Humans are one of, if not the, most behaviorally adaptive species.

And yet, you lot seem stuck on the concept that transpeople do, in fact, exist, and their existence in no way threatens yours.
You haven't quite adapted your behaviour to accept that truth and reality. Might want to work on that, I think.

Marjorie Taylor Greene #racist #wingnut

“What do you mean I could be called out on my racist dogwhistling bullshit just because I'm an especially stupid variety of mannequin-made-out-of-bacon-and-barbershop-floor-clippings and can't keep my cockhole shut about the nefarious boogeyman I invented? This law specifically targets anusbreathing bigoted fuckwaffles such as myself, and it's not fair that I get called out for being a horrible person when I'm being a horrible person! Which is always! I am always just the fucking worst!”

Keith Olbermann likes to refer to Maggot Three-Teeth as ‘Barney Rubble,’ which I find offensive and wrong; I mean, Barney was a loving parent, a loyal spouse, a good neighbour, and the best friend you could ever want, on top of being played by utter Chads like Mel Blanc and Rick Moranis. If one were to compare her to any HB character, Yogi Bear is right there waiting - stout figure, never learns his lesson, always finds himself in trouble of his own making, more ego than brains by a good country mile, muscular, lumbering and hirsute, hasn't been relevant in forever, and thrives on a diet of salmon, berries and food stolen from other people; it's like Hanna-Barbara could see into the future and based Yogi on MTG directly.

Paul S #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

Yeah, that is weird, Paul. You'd almost reach the conclusion that a Jew founded their fucking religion or something. I mean, the whole “Jews run the banks, but Imma ignore that they were legally prevented from doing any other occupation for fucking centuries because those in power oppressed them because if I had to face that, my entire universe would fold in on itself"…huh, I almost had a point there, but I've since forgotten what it was.

At any rate, Jews could cure cancer, feed the hungry and finally give your wife that screaming O she's been looking for since the day she met you, and you'd still treat them like Hannibal Lecter. Because it really isn't about anything they did, it's always been about who they are, and who they are is not you.

Laura Wood #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy

“Hmmm, I don't understand the concept of Communism, but I've been told by jingoistic fearmongerers that it's a bad thing, so how can I express my pig-ignorance on this subject in as many words as my wee widdle brain can handle?”

If the “Communist slave” has never “been a laborer who has worked with [his] hands” then how is he a slave? Do you know what Communism even is? It isn't evil people sitting around plotting to destroy freedom because it's so much fun to hurt people as they twirl their villainy mustaches; that would be the GOP, with their laundry lists of people they hate and wish to marginalize.

Fschmidt #elitist #psycho #god-complex

Fighting Monarch #crackpot #conspiracy #magick

I would like to issue an apology to whichever chair moistener drew the short straw at the Illuminati World Conquest Headquarters, Human Puppet Repository and Cheesecake Factory and has to pilot my doughy ass. It cannot be a picnic, having to steer me to the bathroom eleventy-zillion times a day, or watch as my mayfly attention span inspires me to look up all sorts of random-ass facts on Wikipedia because my ability to focus on one thing at a time is about as brief as Jason Derulo's stint as a popular recording artist. I would also like to apologize for what I am sure is a slog of utter tedium for all the naps, although, hey, it's nice to have someone else to watch all those weird-ass dreams I have where I'm watching episodes of old '90's tv shows that never actually existed.

I will not, however, apologize for my viewing habits. If I have to carry around the memories that Exterminator City exists, I'm taking another poor damned soul with me, and you, O Mysterious Jiminy Cricket of my own personal cyberspace, are my huckleberry.

Balaji Srinivasan #elitist #wingnut

Blaming all of society's ills on the Blues, and then stating that in order to save civilization, the Blues have to be exterminated. Why does that sound so fucking familiar?

John Horvat II #wingnut #fundie #conspiracy

<@KeithInc.> #196192

Hey now, that's completely uncalled for.

Melania prefers to be called an ‘escort'. Makes it sound classier, less like some slumlord with mob ties purchased her a green card in exchange for the right to brag about bagging another porn star.

Kevin Sorbo #wingnut

Hey, everyone, the latest episode of “Kevin Sorbo Somehow Got The Idea That He Was A Clever Little Fucker Into His Head” just dropped.

Ray Comfort #fundie

“Have you annoyed a random person on the street in order to chase imaginary brownie points for a non-existent afterlife to be spent kissing the ass of the singular most insecure fictional character in all of human history today?”

Benjamin Fulford #wingnut #racist #crackpot #conspiracy

“Jews are bad, but also Obama is Hitler somehow, and that's bad for some reason, but my delusions lack any kind of internal logic so it's alright.”

I want to get the two Bennies - Fulford and Lee Ross - in a room together and see what manic pixie singularity they come up with. I imagine it would be like if an acid trip came with it's own event horizon.

Jesse Lee Peterson #conspiracy #wingnut

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #ufo #magick #conspiracy

“And I came by all this knowledge when a leprechaun appeared to me in a vision one night, after I had accidentally eaten half a box of JetDry dishwasher pellets. The leprechaun didn't actually say anything about the pyramids or Egypt or how granite somehow has magical powers - in fact, the green little fucker kicked me in the jewels, stole my last beer and called me a tosser - but I just naturally assumed all the Egypt stuff based on nothing more than my own detergent-fueled rocketride through the cosmos!”

Tatsuya Ishida #racist #dunning-kruger

"But wait, Daddy…didn't the Vikings invade other countries, raid them of their resources, kill the natives, and take the survivors as slaves? Didn't they also steal security and mercenary jobs from Saudi natives when they hired themselves out to the caliphs?”

"It's okay if white people do horrible things, honey. The rules are only there to keep the mudraces down, not to punish us pure and superior beings.”

“Isn't that a double standard, though?”

“You mean like a cartoonist of Japanese descent pandering to a violent fascist cult that would gleefully murder him, his family and everyone who made eye contact with him on the street but didn't run away screaming in abject terror at having their soul stolen by a yellow devil?”

“Oddly specific, and a bit disturbing, but sure, that's a good hypothetical.”

“Oh sweetie, if it weren't for double standards, we racist assholes wouldn't have any standards at all!?”

“Huh…okay…hey, last question, Daddy. Why do I look like a mixture of Mommy and Mr. Gonzalez from next door?”

“Probably something to do with science, I guess. I'm so inbred that abstract thinking is almost like magic to me, so I can't say for certain.”

James Howard Kunstler #wingnut #sexist #conspiracy

“Look at all the big words I know, Mommy! I don't know what any of them mean, or how to fit them into a coherent sentence, but I know the words, and that's what makes me smart!”

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #wingnut

“Of course she's had people killed! If it weren't true, I wouldn't say it! What do you mean we need evidence? Pshaw, it's as plain as the nose on my face - some of the people who have been associated with her in some regard have died, which means she killed them! And probably ate them, I heard she does that, too! I mean, for some reason she didn't have Trump=sempai murdered, which seems like an odd oversight for a psychotic serial killer to make, but that does nothing to diminish my claim! No, I'm not getting dumber by the day, I'm just getting LOUDER!!”

Wayne Allyn Root quoting nephew #magick #wingnut

Ray Comfort #conspiracy #fundie

The first half has you thinking, “Oh thank the Merciful Lords of Cosmic Pudding, either Nannerboy hit his head and forgot that he's insane, or he finally dug around in his old toybox and found his long lost brain again!”

And then you read the last part and you punch yourself in the face for being foolish enough to still believe in things.

Parents With Inconvenient Truths about Trans #transphobia

Well the very nerve of your offspring, then! To even think that they were their own person and not some appendage created solely so you could live vicariously through them! Where do they come off thinking that THEIR lives are all about THEM and not YOU? They had better realize real quick that if you want grandchildren, well, then they've got no other choice but to upend their entire existence, whatever might be right for them be damned, and give you those fucking grandchildren you are clearly entitled to!

Have you considered speaking with your adult child's manager? I hear that always works.

CheeseBurgerDragon #enbyphobia

Because in the Fallout Universe they seem to have settled most modern bigotries well before the bombs fell. I don't know if they even had MLK. Sure, they had a big problem with sinophobia, but that makes sense given that A) They were at war with China, and B) it was an oppressive police state in dire need of some ‘other’ to hate and blame.

No, a non-binary character in Fallout isn't some lore breaker. Them being a part of the BoS, a group infamous for not getting on with non-heteronormative folk, is.

(I mean, Veronica Santangelo's orientation already made her pretty unpopular with the Mojave Chapter, even before her questions got her relegated to boring-ass milk runs.)

But no, LGBTQ+ people in Fallout is not odd or unprecedented. The aforementioned Veronica, Gannon Arcade, a possibly-trans super mutant in the first game, same-sex marriage in the second, a lesbian couple and their adopted son and a gay couple selling weapons in the third, being able to be gay, lesbian, straight, or full on fucking bisexual in New Vegas, being able to sleep with almost any companion regardless of gender in 4 - this shit has roots, son. Stop acting like your imaginary ‘wokie’ enemies have infiltrated your fandom.

Pleiades 1 via Neva (Gabriel RL) #ufo #magick

Why thank you Ronald Reagan, for shuttering America's mental health care services. Otherwise, these people would be getting the help they sorely need to live in the real world, instead of zooming through the cosmos on the backs of dragons and taking us all along for the ride.

Carrie Gress #sexist #wingnut #transphobia #conspiracy

“Waaaah! Other people can make decisions for themselves, and sometimes they make decisions I personally dont like! There must be someway to punish them for this! We all have to return Under His Eyes!”

(I hope I got that reference right, my only exposure to THMT is the movie from the '90's.)

Ray Comfort #conspiracy #fundie

“People who follow science are no better than savage tribes, and we need to enact legislation to punish and harass them until they agree with ME (not US, just ME) that magic is real!”

Go sit on a banana, Ray-Ray.

Paul Craig Roberts #wingnut #psycho #conspiracy

He could always go home, leave the Ukrainians alone, and resign from politics to spend his days judo-tossing children and going on long, shirtless horseback rides, Paul. He could always do the right thing, that's always been an option.

Liz Wheeler #wingnut

“And as my fellow humans struggle to breathe, as they gasp and die en masse, I shall laugh and laugh and laugh, for I am an asshole, and the death and suffering of others are as nothing to one such as I!”

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #fundie #wingnut

Or Joe Biden checked his calendar and said, “Oh hey, TVD is March 31, and due to the eccentricities of the calendar, Easter happens to also fall on that day this year. Huh. Funny how that works out.”

Not everything is a neferious plot to hurt your pwecious widdle feefees, Wayne.

Red Pill Vegeta #sexist

I remind you of every man who fucked the shit out of you and ghosted you the next day.

Oh, I sincerely doubt that. I imagine that the men who ‘pumped and dumped’ the women you think you're owed at least gave them orgasms. You would probably ask in what section at the supermarket you could find some of those.

No, I think you'd remind most women that they need to change their cat litter when they get home - clumpy, misshapen, foul odour, and most likely rife with parasites.

Charlie Kirk #biphobia #fundie #homophobia #transphobia #wingnut

“So, Chuckles, that still leaves 220 where nobody asks you to give a single thought to LGBTQA+ people or their lives.”

CK: “Akchewelly, I don't give a thought to them any day of the year. My issue is that 145 days have been set aside so that someone, anyone, could give a thought to them, and I don't like that some people recognize LG-BLT-YMCA-BBC people exist!”

Josiah Lippincott #sexist #wingnut #conspiracy

<@KeithInc.> #194048

I saw a t-shirt listing off several prominent women of science on Reddit literally yesterday and have been trying to find a picture of the print to post here.

This dude, and people like him, honestly thinks we'd have our current level of technological and scientific understanding if science had been kept boys-only. Or, if they don't, then they don't really care, because they'd be more than willing to sacrifice advancements and knowledge at the altar of the patriarchy

Bryan Starr #fundie #pratt #ableist

I like this bit from one of the comments, so I'm gonna post it here for posterity and because I want to share it; also, it brings to mind the poems Vincent Price used to do on Hilarious House of Frightenstein, for some reason, and that's always a good thing in my book:

A Zoroastrian I know says Jews have got it wrong,
The Jews think Christian preachers string the gullible along.
The Christians teach that Muslims are a badly misled crew
And Hindus know that all of them have not the slightest clue.
The Sikhs respect all others but they don't think they are right
And Buddhists know there is no god but strive towards the light.
Confucians are confusing but their teachings are approved,
By Communists and Emperors though others were unmoved.
There's Taoists, Scientologists, and Mormons in the States,
The Jedi Knights are jokers but their number still inflates;
I know a lot of Wiccans and a Druid once called round,
To tell us of a ley line to a henge that he had found.
These ardent true believers know for sure their way's the one,
And some will try to prove it with explosives or a gun!
But there's a simple answer that is very much less odd
About ten thousand years ago some men invented god!